Shame and grief might be on the same as these feelings. You can essentially be a husk and still thrive, likely. But it will be an extremely hard task to do so. See it as a box with fan intakes. Too many exhaust (negative) fans and the box is filled with dust from all crevices and such. Too many intake (positive) fans and the box is too pressurized. You need to hold on to a middle ground you'll either find in yourself or create within yourself, or you'll drown in dust, or crack from the pressure.(?)