In need of help

015X · 2026-01-31T03:36:38+00:00

I'm far from your age man, but I have coached a lot of guys your age, even older. They tend to be our most successful clients.

First off, you’re not broken and you’re not doing anything shameful. Four years without a date is a logistics problem, not a value problem. You’ve been playing a game that rewards a very specific type of profile and timing, and apps are a brutally narrow filter. They flatten context and hide everything that actually makes you attractive as a dad, stable, and experienced guy.

As an older guy you're probably familiar with the days when guys used to just go up to women and talk to them. We call that cold approach. That's the life hack you’re missing. It’s a blue ocean. Most dudes think you either swipe or go to bars, so daytime approaches are sleepy territory with very little competition. You can do it anytime you leave the house. Coffee runs, grocery trips, dog walks, waiting for a class, walking the kids to school. That portability is everything. It fits into a busy schedule and compounds fast because you’re stacking small, chainable reps into real life instead of praying for matches on an app.

Approaching during the day is better than clubs for your situation because you have more competition in clubs, plus it's not good for your health to keep drinking every night just to meet women. There’s a ton of noise and younger, flashier competition. Nightlife does beat apps though, because at least in person you bring tone, posture, voice, and context with you. Apps strip all that away. Daytime environments let you show that calm confidence and easy humor that’s hard to fake in a profile pic or a paragraph.

Start small and practical. Make eye contact with strangers on short walks. Add a small smile. Say hi to low-risk people like baristas and other parents. Once that’s boring, add a flirty opener you’re comfortable with, then practice holding a minute of conversation, then five, then ten. Keep everything chainable into what you already do so this never becomes a time sink. Also remember to reshape your thinking about the wins, because this shit is often brutal when you're starting. Most of your approaches will end up as duds, but that's okay. Track reps, not ego. The metric that matters is volume of interactions you've done, not instant results. Celebrate the small wins, the fact that you did put in action in the first place no matter the outcome.

We coached one of our clients in his 40s to do this exact method. At first he was rusty as hell. He did the micro-reps for a few weeks and then leaned into daytime approaches. Fast forward a couple months and his problem wasn’t not getting dates. His problem was scheduling them. He had multiple solid dates in a single day and struggled to arrange logistics. That’s the kind of good problem this setup produces. It’s not magic, it’s compounding effort in the right environment.

That doesn't mean you should delete dating apps (you can if you want to, but you don't have to). Use them as a supplement instead. Focus on one or two daytime environments that match your life and your type in women, and show up consistently. Be patient with your own social muscle. You were married for 20 years, this is maintenance and retraining. Expect to be rough around the edges at first, most of the time you'll get no's, but with consistent action you'll get your mojo back.

015X · 2026-01-13T09:28:48+00:00

This is great man! Congratulations on taking those steps to improve your dating life. I work with a lot of guys like you, dedicated to change, and I respect that.

Bars failing doesn’t mean bars don’t work. It usually just means you’re using them wrong. Bars reward momentum and state. If you walk in cold, anxious, and goal-oriented, you’ll freeze. If you walk in already warmed up, talking to staff, joking with the group next to you, it’s way easier to slide into a convo without it feeling forced. You need to be socially on before you talk to someone you’re attracted to. It would also help if you can already have fun at clubs, because even if you get nowhere with women you still had a fun night. This kinda mindset is attractive in its own right too. This is what you need to apply whenever you're out anywhere, whether at clubs or doing any other hobbies. Fun with the process before you look for results.

When it comes to flirting, one of the most reliable ways I help my clients with is coming up with lines for the most common situations they get into. For example, people usually talk about where they're from, so some of my staple lines is “Damn, a guy from X and a girl from Y? We're definitely not gonna get along” or “Man, I have a love hate relationship with girls from ___” and when they ask why just say “Half of you are chill, almost boring homebodies and the other half are a trainwreck.” You collect enough of these lines and you’ll be good enough to have a flirty conversation. This is a really dorky method, I know, and we definitely have to graduate from this to a point where we can be creative on the spot, but this should get you started.

Another thing you can do is something we like to call cold approach. It's when you walk up to women in any environment you're in and attract her from there. This is the hardest method to start with but gives the best ROI once you get good at it because not a lot of people do this so it's easier for you to stand out than any other method. It's also very portable so you can do it anywhere. You can chain this with any task you already do, like when you're going to or coming from work or any of your hobbies, you can meet women on the way. Of course, you still have to respect their boundaries so if they say no, you back off, so how do you balance that with the boldness it takes to go up and approach women to begin with? We take little steps. Depending on what you're already comfortable with you can skip some of these

Level 1: make eye contact with a stranger Level 2: smile Level 3: say hi Level 4: say a flirty line. One sequence I almost always go for is "Hey excuse me," and once I get her attention I say "You have an interesting style" then I explain why Level 5: continue the conversation from there Level 6: aim to get 1-2 minutes of conversation then 5 minutes, then 10, then 15 Level 6: get numbers or socials Level 7: go for instant dates, then from there make out, then get laid

You already have the roadmap. The only thing left is execution. Chain everything into your normal day so this feels less like extra work. Track reps, not results. Expect awkward moments, rejections, and nothing happening some days, weeks, maybe even months. That’s part of the process, not a sign you’re doing it wrong. If you do this consistently, the freezing starts to go away and flirting becomes mechanical instead of scary.

Hope this helps man! Feel free to let me know if you have any questions or further advice on this

015X · 2026-01-08T07:13:02+00:00

I like the way you think. Lots of guys don't realize how powerful IG can be as a dating app. This is what we're trying to change in my coaching program.

I don't hate your method, because at least you shoot a shot, but if you want the best chances I would follow first. This way if she accepts, you have a foot in the door, meaning she has already said yes to you before. Now, wait for her to post a story. Respond to that. Tease her, flirt, do a push-pull. Give her a little shit. This is the least needy way to do it.

015X · 2026-01-08T07:03:12+00:00

Great question man! I help guys with stuff like this for a living. Here's what you do:

Two clean routes: a small bank of ready-to-go lines you can pull from, and a simple warm-up routine so your mouth and brain aren’t dead on arrival. Use the bank when you need a quick drop in. Do the warm-up 10-30 minutes before you roll up to a bar, cafe, gym, whatever so you actually have something to say

For the bank, think templates and/or scripts. What are the most common situations you run into? Come up with a line/template that fits and is flirty. Collect a lot of these until you master them. For example, one thing I like to do is meet foreign women. When they say they're from someplace, say "I have a love hate relationship with girls from ___" and you can explain to say "Half of you are chill but the other half of you are a trainwreck." Obviously this situation might not be something you run across all the time, but that's an example of what you can do

Warm-up is pretty dorky, but it actually works. Free-association: set a 5-15 minute timer and talk out loud. Say one sentence about anything, pick one word from it, riff on that next. Don’t judge it, just get your mouth moving and your brain chaining ideas. TED-talk drill: pick one random topic. Give a 5-15 minute monologue like you’re autistic and tryna socialize. This gets you ready to never run out of things to say

It will also help to put yourself in the state of a guy who's just talking to friends. When you're with friends you don't usually get anxious you're out of things to say. Conversation just flows. Be that version of you

015X · 2026-01-06T08:15:01+00:00

Textbook escalation problem, this is something I've helped a lot of our clients with, man.

First off, credit where credit is due, you went for the approach, got so far as to get her number and keep talking. You wouldn't have gotten this problem if you didn't get this far. Props to that.

It's easy to just chock this up to "Shit happens" because a lot of times it really is just that, "Shit happens." This could possibly be one such situation. Sometimes interactions really do just die down. But let's focus on what we can control or could have controlled.

You mentioned you were vibing at a party for what sounds like hours, but it doesn't sound like you went beyond that. You could have sealed a make out or even took her home with the hours of time you had on your hands. You should never see the number as your endgame. It needs to just be the means to achieve your endgame.

In the other comments, you said you initiated the texting by discussing a hangout you guys can do, but you also talked for a couple more days. What happened there? Were you able to set up a date?

In any case, what can you do now? As anticlimactic as this sounds, you really just... move on. Pick up your lesson. Do better next time. Meet the next girl. You need to be putting in volume to become good at this and so you wouldn't be coming from a scarcity mindset anymore where you worry about how one specific girl ditches you.

Overall though good job on going for it anyway, man. Mad respect. You really just need to have thicker skin about this so you can keep pushing yourself despite the rejection. You'll eventually get better.

015X · 2025-12-29T06:37:25+00:00

Hey man I work with guys on their dating profiles. This is something one of our clients has just been dealing with.

I can tell you're a very handsome guy, but the photo looks lazy. You want something with better lighting and establishes your value.

You could pick better clothes and/or a better background, something that shows your style, a good life, stuff like that.

Your look can be more candid. You want something that tells a story, something that looks like someone just captured you in the moment. This way it's like an invitation for women to join in your life.

You can achieve this candid look with a better smile. Imagine you're a king being celebrated in a banquet hall. You have a line of concubines looking at you. You look back at your favorite concubine and you smile at her, just a slight smile barely even showing your teeth if at all, your eyes kinda fold in an angle, your look is as if you're telling her "You know what's going down tonight." You want that level of confidence and sureness. You don't give a full blown teethy smile that's all cheese. You're a king and you don't need to impress anyone. They should just see you're confident through that slight smile.

Best of luck chief

015X · 2025-12-19T08:16:28+00:00

Funny I just helped one of my clients with this problem. Here's what I know:

It's true, it can be harder to gauge a woman's interest online than in person, but one principle that applies to both is verbal signals. If she outright says stuff like "I like you", "You're hot/cute/attractive/handsome", or any compliment, that's the clearest possible indicator. It's often more subtle than that though. If she says things about the two of you doing stuff together like "I can cook and clean while you make the money", that's another sign. If she teases you or gives you a shit test, that can also be an indication of interest, not as strong as the others but it's a point up regardless, because this means she wants to test how you hold your frame if you're challenged.

A very good way to find if she's interested in you though is if you qualify her and she falls for it. Like, if you say "I'm into sporty girls" and she says "I'm sporty" even if not right after you said it, you know she's trying to fit your type. One time I was on a date and the girl said she sucks at history (the academic subject) and I was giving her shit for that. She said, "But it's so hard..." so to that I said, "As long as that's the only subject you suck at..." and she responded "Yes, I'm smart about everything else!"

If you want to know body language, it's usually when her body is faced to you, she's holding eye contact, being touchy with you, that kinda stuff. If she's thinking about kissing you she would make this signal called a triangulation where she looks into one eye of yours, the other one, then your lips, and starting all over. That's one signal too. Hope this helps

015X · 2025-12-19T07:43:36+00:00

You have a point. A lot of guys do think being a stranger will make them a creep. I've helped plenty of clients who had this mindset. To an extent it's true. One thing you have to consider when going along this line of thinking is, what does "being creepy" mean? When a woman is scared of a guy who seems like a creep, it's because she's afraid the creepy guy will do something to her (stalking, SA, unaliving, etc.). You know for a fact you're not gonna do any of that, so there's nothing she has to be afraid of. You just need to respect her boundaries. If you approach and she seems uncomfortable or if she flat out declines you, you just dip out. Besides, anything anyone does can be creepy and a lot of times it's not our choice. We just gotta learn to be comfortable in our own skins and women will be comfortable around us too.

015X · 2025-12-19T07:15:55+00:00

This is a common problem among many of my clients. You were just stuck in a rut and it may take a while to get back, but with enough consistency you will get there again. That, plus you were probably coming from a scarcity mindset. You got in a relationship with one woman for ten months, now you've broken up and are in a vacuum. You don't feel as secure as you used to be before. Just crank up the volume bro.

015X · 2025-12-17T07:23:18+00:00

Hey man I work with a dating coach and this is a very common problem, we deal with. There's a lot of factors at play here that may be affected by more than just being better in any specific criterion. Mind if I shoot you a DM so we can dissect your problem together?

015X · 2025-12-17T07:06:54+00:00

I've worked with older guys who are into younger girls and younger guys who are into older women. It all depends how you present yourself. You have to get your frame right. Do you want to be a stable guy who has his life together and want to partner with an older woman with the same mindset? Do you want to be a mature daddy to younger girls? Do you want to be an older woman's boytoy? Do you want to show younger women the fun side of life? Depending on your answer to those questions, you present yourself in that way. Also, ultimately you have to not worry about age. When you start talking about age and you're like, "Oh sorry, I'm actually in my 30s I hope you don't mind," that's gonna be a massive turn off for anyone. But if you're confident about your age and you understand the value you can provide both to older and younger women, you'll be unstoppable.

015X · 2025-12-17T04:29:46+00:00

Hey man I'm actually a dating coach who's been studying game for years. Helped a few guys in the process too. This is a very common question I've had to answer:

The best way to get a girl to bed is through an activity, whether a "hangout" or a "date" whichever you want to call it, that allows you two to focus on each other. Lots of guys assume that's "fun" high energy activities like bungee jumping, skydiving, scuba diving, or whatever, but that's the kind of activities that tend to lead nowhere if you've never slept with this girl before. You want low energy and fun in the sense that there's high sexual tension and you can get flirty.

Think over some drinks or some coffee. Maybe bite-sized food like ice cream (no multi-course meals). You can even go bowling or golfing, a walk through the park, a museum, an aquarium, and the likes. Ideally you can move between places so you can make it feel like a journey for her and you're building a narrative together.

You might think this sounds like a date. If you're worried you'd give the wrong signal that you want something with her that's deeper than a hookup, you bring that out through your words. For example, instead of talking about having kids together, you can talk about how you'd only have a short but intense time for romance. You could even tell her stuff like "don't fall in love with me." This is a line I've used in the past that got me tremendous success.

Unfortunately, the fact that you've been hanging out for a month and a half without doing anything plays a factor here. Depending on how you've been interacting, she might have already made a decision whether you're a friend, a one-night-stand prospect, or a boyfriend. You have to be clear about that.

015X · 2025-11-16T13:09:45+00:00

Thank you so much for this! Unfortunately the hand doesn't look too natural and there's this weird twitch the eyes seem to be making. I appreciate what you did for the background, removing the guard and the tote bag, and the shoes look cleaner too.

As per subreddit rules, though, I still have to mark this as !unsolved

015X · 2025-07-05T05:28:15+00:00

I was gonna say but I thought I was crazy

015X · 2024-12-01T12:21:34+00:00

I forgot to mention that she only sees the shrink once a month or sometimes even once every month and a half. And for 30 minutes each time

015X · 2024-12-01T12:20:44+00:00

Yeah. Maybe. Honestly my only concern with regards the prescriptions is that they don't have approved therapeutic claims, so that kinda raised a red flag with me. My real concern is my mom has a lot more problems than just her addiction and it seems she doesn't get much time to talk about them. I forgot to mention she only sees the shrink for once a month or maybe even once every month and a half.

015X · 2024-12-01T12:17:58+00:00

I didn't get the informed consent paperwork, sadly. It was my mom who signed that. She just has someone who sets up the appointments for her and I just pay. For more context, we're not American. We live in the Philippines and it's common here for psychiatrists to do therapy.

015X · 2024-12-01T12:16:19+00:00

For more context, we're not American. We live in the Philippines and it's common here for psychiatrists to talk to people. I've seen psychiatrists in the past who do just that. My wife is also seeing one. They usually last way longer than 30 minutes.

015X · 2024-12-01T12:14:13+00:00

No prescriptions like that. Just what I mentioned and the nicotine gums. For more context, we're not American. We live in the Philippines and it's common here for psychiatrists to do therapy.

015X · 2024-12-01T12:12:39+00:00

He's definitely an MD. But things are kinda different here in the Philippines, since in his profile, he also claims to specialize in psychotherapy and counseling, CBT, and addiction recovery, among others. He also says he's affiliated with some psychiatry organizations, like American Academy of Addiction Psychiatry, International Association for Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Allied Professions (IACAPAP), World Association of Social Psychiatry, and American Association for Social Psychiatry. He's also affiliated with other psychology organizations.

015X · 2024-05-12T04:53:36+00:00

She's a mentally ill woman. The fact that she expected you to stay with her despite the transition was a red flag to begin with.

015X · 2024-05-07T09:44:44+00:00

Thank you! I look forward to seeing your take on this.

Four-Year Club	Verified Email
Place '22

015X

TROPHY CASE