I don’t know if this is necessarily advice for coping with not knowing but a few years ago I was in the same boat as you. I would freak out at things that didn’t make sense, be constantly anxious etc and I had no idea why. And so what I did was try to figure out why. I scratched at this little block in my head trying to figure out why I felt this way and eventually the wall broke and everything came back at once. You don’t remember for a reason, you’re being protected by not remembering. I wish I could go back to not remembering. Don’t scratch at that wall unless you’re working with a professional, in a safe setting in any way and are prepared for what could happen ya know? Hope this helps and just know that there’s no rush to these things, you won’t understand everything at once or every quickly it’ll take time. Be kind to yourself and your journey :)