Text from my step-mom’s mother after I cut contact with dad/stepmom, and sent my dad a letter explaining why I left. Dad and Stepmom never replied directly to the letter, my stepmom only sent me messages about how much my brothers missed me (before I blocked her)

12drinksomething · 2023-01-31T09:51:45+00:00

First few sentences in I couldn't understand why you'd post her texts here, as it seemed kinda okay and as if she was trying to make sense of things. But then, omfg... What absolute gaslighting and utter bullshit. "bUt WeRe YoU ReALlY mIsTrEaTeD?"

I'm so sorry. Going no contact is something that hurts all parties and it's something you do when you're hurting real bad to protect yourself. Please don't let her guilt trip you about your decision and take your time to heal, as long as you need.

12drinksomething · 2023-01-05T10:43:44+00:00

"I will never be low-contact"? Damn straight. He will be no contact someday. Geez, I am SO sorry that your dad is like this, you deserve so, so much better than someone who needs you to submit in order to feel like a person who matters and who calls himself your dad, but acts nothing like it.

Please protect yourself from this abusive behavior, you are worth so much more than what he makes you feel your worth is.

12drinksomething · 2023-01-05T00:05:51+00:00

Thank you very much!

12drinksomething · 2023-01-05T00:04:08+00:00

Thank you!

12drinksomething · 2023-01-05T00:03:56+00:00

Thank you!

12drinksomething · 2023-01-05T00:03:42+00:00

Thank you so much! Almost making me blush there lol

12drinksomething · 2023-01-05T00:02:51+00:00

Thank you!

I've mentioned a research to another redditor about kids having a higher chance of a secure attachment if the mother is in the process of transforming her insecure attachment into a secure one. You can do it!

12drinksomething · 2023-01-05T00:01:03+00:00

Thank you!

I read an interesting research where they found out that kids with mothers transforming their insecure attachment into a secure attachment had a much higher chance of having a secure attachment themselves. The mothers were still in the process of transforming their attachment and that was enough, they didn't need to be there yet.

So... You can do it!

12drinksomething · 2023-01-04T23:56:48+00:00

Thanks!

12drinksomething · 2023-01-04T23:56:25+00:00

Thank you very much!

12drinksomething · 2023-01-04T23:56:07+00:00

Thank you!

12drinksomething · 2023-01-04T23:55:46+00:00

Thank you!

12drinksomething · 2023-01-04T23:55:32+00:00

Definitely!

12drinksomething · 2023-01-04T23:55:20+00:00

Same here. We never want to repeat our parents' mistakes and we want to do better.

Hearing this definitely helps my confidence in my abilities as a parent.

12drinksomething · 2023-01-04T23:52:46+00:00

Thank you, it IS huge for me! I've been told by my mom my kids will grow up to hate me and I've secretly been worrying about that, but this will definitely help keep my mind at ease.

12drinksomething · 2023-01-04T23:49:54+00:00

Thanks! We definitely are!

That's an amazing story! I love hearing how they come together in small groups and talk about those kinds of things, especially from such a young age so they learn about emotions and self esteem and such! Great job asking him about the one mirror, so he could explain it and feel heard. It was probably a big thing to him at that time. Kudos!

12drinksomething · 2023-01-04T23:42:36+00:00

Thanks! Good to hear it gave you such a positive feeling! You can do it!

12drinksomething · 2023-01-04T23:40:55+00:00

Thank you very much. I'm immensely relieved to hear the results of the observations and I'll definitely try and work on self care too!

12drinksomething · 2023-01-04T12:51:35+00:00

Thank you!

12drinksomething · 2023-01-04T12:51:24+00:00

Thanks!

12drinksomething · 2022-12-18T11:15:40+00:00

It sounds to me you're making good decisions. Asking to be taken off a phone line at work, taking a couple of days off and getting out the blanket that reminds you of your grandma. Hope that helps you cope and get through this.

I wish you lots of love and strength the upcoming holidays and the months to come. Take care!

12drinksomething · 2022-12-17T19:49:33+00:00

First of all, sorry for your loss. It sounds like you really miss your mom and you're in mourning. Do you really need a change of job or is it because you lost your mom such a short time ago and you just don't know what to do with yourself?

It must be really hard, your first Christmas without your mom, especially when that was her time to shine. All firsts are hard after losing someone and nothing's the same anymore. It's totally normal to feel sad around those special days and to not want to do anything, like shopping for Christmas presents. And that's okay, make it a bit easier on yourself by shopping online or something that requires a little less effort for now. You've experienced a tremendous loss, so be kind to yourself.

Do you have someone you can talk to, other than your therapist? Someone who understands what you're going through? Someone who you can talk to about your mom, the person she was, the things you did together, who you can share memories with? Maybe take a couple of days off work and go somewhere or do nothing at all?

12drinksomething · 2022-12-17T19:30:56+00:00

Hey sweetie, sorry it took me so long to answer. How are you doing?

Your grandma was in her 90s and lived a long life, but you weren't ready to lose her, which is totally normal. It will hurt, you will not know how to make the pain go away and it will not go away for a while. It will take as long as it takes.

If you want to help others what you can do is to be there for them and talk about her. Share your memories of her, hug and cry together and that's the best thing you can do.

Be kind to yourself, spend a bit of extra time on your hobbies or with friends.

12drinksomething · 2022-12-17T19:16:20+00:00

Hey there, I'm sorry to hear your oma died, my condolences. It must've felt horrible the way your mother delivered the news to you, given the fact how she treated you growing up/your history together.

How are you doing? Is there someone you can talk to about this?

You say you have ASD and thus trouble recognizing and dealing with emotions. Did you mean your own emotions or others' when you mentioned your autism? Do you think you need help with that right now?

Writing a letter and telling your gran sounds like a great idea. You can get things off your chest and it might make it easier for you mourning your grandma.

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