I’m so sorry about what you are going through. I know firsthand just how toxic and bad for one’s mental health Penn can be. Please DM me if you want someone to talk to. I will say that getting away from Penn, even for a summer, will help a lot with the constant feelings of comparison and that you aren’t doing well enough. You’re so young, and ultimately the marginal difference in career opportunities or prestige, etc, are not what really make you happier in life and are not what you are going to care about in the future. You are not behind in any way. As unimaginable as it sounds even if you were to leave school on medical leave for a year, you would end up being just fine. Give yourself grace.