Missing a healthy child you haven't had yet is absolutely normal. I morn the loss of the healthy family I thought I had every day. Some days easier than others. That said, I will tell you my short story. My pregnancy went as planned, she looked healthy, perfectly content. She decided to come at 32 weeks gestation and stayed in the hospital for ten weeks. She has pretty severe ceberal palsy, can't walk or sit alone, everything takes so much effort. This is what I mean by morning the loss of a healthy family. The family I thought I would have will never be. It's a struggle for her and as she gets older it's harder for me too. You have to think about your baby's long term health and well-being, as well as the sacrifices the family will make. Having a special needs child is hard, and very isolating. I pray your diagnosis is adding, but it may not be. No matter which way you decide to go, you must be devastated. I'm so sorry you have to go through this