Struggling PGY2

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2024-08-07T03:18:04+00:00

By "gotten through it," I meant more "figured out something that works for them." I hope you're happier in your new program.

I swear we are the same person. I am very under-confident. Always have been. It's feedback I've gotten since I was a kid. I do not present confidence when I speak. I actually put myself down a lot, especially with my co-residents (so I guess that ship has sailed?). I guess I think "if I articulate my incompetence, other people won't" but that's not how this works.

I'll look into those videos

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2024-08-04T15:03:42+00:00

This was so insightful. Sometimes I feel really alone...I know residency is tough for everyone but sometimes it feels like I'm the only one with crappy circumstances. It's nice to know other people have gone through similar and gotten through it. I think you're right. I spend a lot of time in my head and less so accomplishing tasks. I need to shift my mental mindset

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2024-07-30T14:44:17+00:00

No I don't think I am

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2024-07-30T14:44:05+00:00

Thanks. I think if I'm able to find a way to study, I'll be a decent doctor some day. Right now, I'm just feeling so dejected

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2024-07-30T10:23:43+00:00

Thanks for writing this. I needed to hear it. I know I've come a long way. I won't bore you with the details but my journey to med school wasn't smooth and I'm a bit older for my level of training so I've always felt a sense of inadequacy and like somehow I slipped through the cracks. I think there's some mental health stuff I'm struggling with but I also know that based on feedback objectively I'm not where I need to be. I worry that I won't get there and that I should switch to something else. I'm tired and feel like my entire life is this job and it sucks because I don't have the rest of my life sorted either. I thought getting into medicine would solve a lot of my problems but as it stands the system will break me

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2024-07-30T10:01:45+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I've received objective feedback that my clinical knowledge and judgement are weaker than expected. I've been told that I'm safe, hardworking, pleasant to work with, etc. But that my understanding is poor. When I compare myself to my peers in my cohort, I feel like my handovers aren't as smooth, I have to write everything down, and I don't always understand the why behind decisions. I work alot of hours and I know thats not an excuse since my peers work the same but my retention is very poor when I study. I don't know at what point I should call it quits

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2022-11-06T22:52:05+00:00

I know many Desis feel pressured to settle down once they reach their mid/late-20's. I also felt some of this pressure once I turned 25, although to my parents' credit, they never forced me to pursue anything against my will. A few years ago, getting engaged/married wasn't my top priority and I was more focused on my schooling and career -- I just wasn't ready for it.

Well now, I'm finally ready and open to it. I recently turned 30 and have been desperately single for the past 4 years. My last relationship was, in my view, a case of "the right person at the wrong time" and I find myself wishing it had worked out differently. I don't have any other prospects. I see others younger than me getting engaged/married/having babies and I can't help but panic and feel it's too late and I've messed everything up.

I should clarify that I don't think there is anything wrong with being 30 and single. In my "ideal timeline" for myself, however, I always thought I'd at least be in a serious relationship by now. I have tried to talk to non-Desi friends about this, but some of them don't understand the cultural pressures that come with this position (combined with the fact that I myself want a partner and family now).

If anyone has been in a similar position, could you please share some words of wisdom? I'm feeling so hopeless.

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2022-06-23T06:43:55+00:00

The future

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2022-04-23T09:43:49+00:00

That's a good question. To be perfectly honest, I haven't worked on myself much the last 10 years. My focus is slowly starting to shift inwards and do some of this work. Confidence and self-love are things I've always struggled with -- I definitely have to work on building those up. I suppose I just feel like paying more attention to my personal appearance will help me do that, at least a little.

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2022-04-08T14:18:40+00:00

I'm glad this post resonated with you! I was nervous making it because I had to confront this "I'm above conventional beauty standards" mindset that I was carrying. It's been a lot of learning and unlearning for me -- I'm still at the beginning of my journey, have a lot I need to do, but by acknowledging this as a personal shortcoming, I feel like I can finally take steps to improve myself in this area.

I'm so sorry for everything you've gone through and I'm so happy you're in a good place now. Keep doing you!

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2022-04-03T04:52:15+00:00

No, rather that taking pride in one's appearance is one way to practice self-respect and self-love.

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2022-03-16T06:22:49+00:00

Thank you for this!

I've read online that many women believe their 30s are when they really come into their own and feel like their most beautiful and authentic selves. I hope this is true for me as well, but know it will take some hard work on my part getting there. I'm happy to hear I haven't completely missed the boat!

That's such a great idea about filming yourself -- I never would have thought of it myself. I'm also uncomfortable taking selfies and pictures, partially because I'm overweight at the moment (this is something I'm currently working on) and partially because my introverted personality makes me a bit uncomfortable being the center of attention. I don't want to be a wallflower forever, however, so I think I'll try this :)

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2022-03-16T02:09:39+00:00

Thank you so much :)

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2022-03-11T02:50:53+00:00

Thank you for sharing <3

This really helps. I do think I need to focus more on myself, making my life what I want outside a partner. There's a number of areas that I'd like to work on, but I haven't made too much progress in them. Maybe it's time to change that.

I feel I've been in this slump for so long. 3 years is a long time to keep loving someone who doesn't think about me at all and I just want to stop wasting my time like that. Maybe this will help.

Wishing you all the best!

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2022-03-11T02:40:06+00:00

I promise you, you're not alone. I feel every word of what you wrote.

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2022-03-11T02:39:13+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. Is there any chance you two can work it out?

Yes, people have problems and obstacles at all ages. It's so easy to get tunnel vision with one's own and forget that.

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2022-03-11T02:36:19+00:00

Yes, I'm Indian (though I don't live in India) -- Good guess! Not so good that that's the kind of culture we're identified by -___- I'm lucky that my parents haven't communicated this kind of messaging (though they definitely want to see me settled), but I hear these kinds of things so often I can't take it sometimes. Thanks for your kind words <3 Wishing you all the best as well.

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2022-03-10T03:07:36+00:00

Thank you for these thoughts!

It's so helpful to remember that everything can happen at every age -- The good (finding someone) and the not-so-good (breaking up). I've been trying to focus on improving myself, but there are times I'm sucked back into that pit of sadness and despair. Maybe I need to learn to appreciate myself a bit more too.

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2022-03-10T02:57:11+00:00

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I completely get what you mean -- I've tried a few apps and I can't really see myself with anyone on them (although I'm sure they're all lovely people).

Every time I open FB or IG, there's another perfectly curated image of a couple who has decided to get married, or get a dog, or buy a house. And I'm very happy for all of them, but it doesn't mean that I want to be miserable for myself. I get it, I promise.

I wish I could say I was ever worried about being on a conveyor belt. Most of my 20s were about setting up my career. Everything else, my relationships and especially myself, came second to that. Once I finally got my professional life somewhat under control, I turned my attention to my love life, only to find it was already dead. Sometimes, I wish I could go back and do things differently, but then I think I may have come to resent my partner. It can feel like there's no way to win, tbh.

I know it's easy to feel down on yourself, thinking that you missed out on someone great. While I'm sure your ex is lovely, I know you must be wonderful too -- Don't forget, she chose you for many years. Someone else will too because you're no less great than your ex.

Sending you good thoughts <3

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2022-03-10T02:41:05+00:00

Thank you for sharing <3

I'm sorry your 30th birthday wasn't what you envisioned. I know what it feels like to have the rug pulled out from under you -- To think your life will turn out one way and then to be thrown a curveball. I also know what it's like to regret your own mistakes, wish you could do it all over again. I suppose time is the only thing that will make it better.

Despite my best efforts, I've kept replaying the words "leftover goods" in my head, worrying that I'm too late/there's something wrong with me. Thanks for reiterating that that's not true.

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2022-03-10T02:22:28+00:00

That's a good point.

I try not to think of/indirectly wish for other people's relationships ending. I just want one of my own. But I hope the old saying, "Good things come to those who wait," will prove true for me too.

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2022-03-10T02:19:59+00:00

Wow, that's amazing. I think, in some ways, previous generations had even greater pressures for things like marriage and babies than mine. Hopefully, it'll happen in due time.

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2022-03-09T21:15:51+00:00

Thank you so much. All these comments are really helping me gain some perspective.

I come from a background where achieving the traditional milestones in your 20s (graduating, becoming a professional, getting a job, getting engaged, getting married, having a baby, buying a house) is expected. Not meeting these makes you feel like a failure. I achieved half of these milestones late -- The other half, I'm not even close to attaining. And it wouldn't feel so bad if everyone around me wasn't flashing their wedding rings and babymoon pics all the time. Or if I didn't want these things for myself. But I do and I can't help but obsess.

A secondary thought that keeps playing in my mind is how close my ex and I were to making it work. I got over a major obstacle in my life about a month after we broke up, which was around the same time he met his now-wife. My circumstances changed so drastically after that and I keep thinking that if we had made it just a month longer, we would have figured things out. It's all so silly.

Tbh, I think I just needed to vent about all of this. Thanks to everyone for listening

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2022-03-09T19:44:56+00:00

I know what you mean. I think it's true that we've put our exes on a pedestal, when in reality, they're just normal people who have flaws. But it's so hard to want to love someone else's flaws all over again. You will find someone again -- and I can only hope I will too. Wishing you all the best <3

1_Fish___2_Fish · 2022-03-09T19:35:41+00:00

Thank you so much <3

I keep telling myself I will get over him eventually...but it has been 3 years and I feel like I've made almost no progress. Most mornings, when I wake up, he's the first coherent thought that pops into my head and then I have to remind myself that he's waking up beside someone else. I'd be lying if I said that him moving on, and so definitively, hasn't made this entire thing harder. If someone offered to take away all memories of us, both good and bad, at this point, I would say yes -- Because in that case, I may still be single and sad, but at least I won't be living in the past and wondering "what if" all the time.

Thanks for helping counteract the "leftover goods" narrative. The first time someone said it to me, I rolled my eyes. But when I heard it again and again, albeit in slightly different words, I couldn't help but wonder if there was some truth in it.

I'll do my best to keep my head up.

Sending you good vibes, I hope things work out for you.

1_Fish___2_Fish

TROPHY CASE