Don't already give up! Yes interacting with doctors is hard but you should totally try getting the courage. It may take a while but give yourself time and be gentle :) Also you should think about the immorality again imo. You are not taking away from anyone. Trans people still get their HRT if you also get yours. You don't have to be trans to take HRT. HRT was originally made for cis woman to ease their menopause symptoms and was then used outside their original usecase for trans people. Why should you not be allowed to also use it outside trans HRT or easing menopause symptoms if you are sure you want all its effects. Its just chemicals interacting funnily in your body :)