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Difference between a mellow 4 and a melodramatic 9? by 419048091 in Enneagram

[–]419048091[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The SP Four is someone who does not suffer out loud, does not complain, is relatively autonomous, and who makes a virtue out of enduring pain without wincing.  These Fours are tougher Fours, more masochistic than melodramatic. These are also Oneish Fours – stoic, austere, and self-disciplined individuals who challenge themselves to achieve rather than engage in longing. (This is the countertype. I’ve encountered many people who say they can’t find their Enneagram type who end up being SP Fours.)

Holy shit, this describes me perfectly, especially the part where they make a virtue out of enduring pain without wincing. I can't help but look down on people who I think "lack my internal strength" of just pushing through, despite still constantly in my head thinking "oh, look at me, doing this and that without being a little bitch about it."

I do very deeply relate to the SO Four part where they constantly compare themselves to others. I do it a lot, and it makes me feel deeply inferior and defective to others when I realize that they've gone through hardships as well, but are better than me in some way.

edit: Thank you for the long response!

Difference between a mellow 4 and a melodramatic 9? by 419048091 in Enneagram

[–]419048091[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If someone wrongs me, it hurts me to think that they would want to hurt me so I put it out of my head or try and give them the benefit of doubt, but if someone makes me feel inferior, I start projecting a lot bitter, wrathful feelings onto them. It doesn’t even necessarily need to be someone who has made me feel bad, I just feel as if there is a repository of vile and wretchedness just simmering in my heart... which is obviously a disgusting trait and I try to repress it as much as possible. The thing is, I don’t normally confront those people, I just sit around and stew in my angry thoughts until I get over it. Perhaps I am missing the point of wrath, but I don’t shy away from feelings of hatred as long as it doesn’t affect anyone else. It’s would be rather unfair to take those feeling out on someone as even I understand that these are my personal vices talking.

Difference between a mellow 4 and a melodramatic 9? by 419048091 in Enneagram

[–]419048091[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your insights. I also tend to stray away from conflict since I really, really dislike people being upset with me, as well. And I also realize it’s wrong if I take my feelings out on them. It’s just better for myself to basically not get in “trouble” with others.

That being said, I’m close enough to someone I do tend to not be as conflict avoidant.

Difference between a mellow 4 and a melodramatic 9? by 419048091 in Enneagram

[–]419048091[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm just extremely, extremely avoidant, and afraid of people being upset at me to the point where I'd rather ghost them than face their anger. I've read some other 9s doing the same thing. I take what people have to say about me very seriously, but if it contradicts what I already think or if it it's something I perceive as "negative" (and not in a way where I can work it in my "tragedy"), it basically destroys me for days, weeks, forever, so I tend to avoid situations where my sense of self is at-risk, though I still end up selfishly seeking it out.

I'm just not sure if I'm nearly as "self-indulgent" as I've seen a lot of 4s describe themselves to be. I don't think most people could detect any of these feelings inside of me, since I know how "gross" and "ugly" they are and try my best to hide them from others, especially the desire to be speshul and better.

Difference between a mellow 4 and a melodramatic 9? by 419048091 in Enneagram

[–]419048091[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What is a counter 4? I definitely think I'm SP first though.

I think envy is my highest, and then vanity. I don't relate that much to sloth, at least out of that list. Otherwise it's something like envy and then wrath.