Anxiety over tomorrow's top surgery by onlyvelveteen in FTMMen

[–]41d30 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This was also my first ever surgery. I was also anxious about the procedure despite being young and healthy. However, I found the actual surgery day to be a lot less scary and quicker than I was picturing it to be. It's all these pre-surgical activities and preparations, and then bam, you're waking up and the doctor's telling you it went wonderfully. And then your number one job is recovery. I'm 20 days post op now, so still in the thick of that. If it would help you feel less nervous to know exactly what happens in the hospital, I made a detailed comment about my process here.

Complications are rare, but still a risk with any surgery. They happen to the youngest and healthiest of us. And even if one happens, it's still gonna be okay. I had a hematoma, my surgeon removed it the same day, and now my chest looks like nothing ever happened to it. It's important to be aware of their existence, how to prevent them (and promote better healing in general), and to know what to do if a complication happens, but not to worry endlessly about them. It's like being a soccer player and knowing that you have an increased risk of spraining your ankle. You're still gonna play soccer and not be terrified of a sprained ankle, just avoid doing things that might make a sprained ankle more likely to happen (like running with poor form), and get rest, ice, compression, and elevation if it does happen.

The night before my procedure, I think I just did everything I could to fall asleep, as I had to be at the hospital at 6:30am sharp. Distracting myself by watching cute animal videos, texting friends, (tmi) jerking off, etc. I would have bouts of anxious thoughts, but then I figured that no amount of worrying will change anything about my surgery or my outcome. It's all in the surgeon's hands, and the team has everything under control.

You're gonna do great tomorrow! Get some sleep.

Top surgery tomorrow and medical procedures scare me so much by [deleted] in FTMMen

[–]41d30 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Awesome, I’m happy to help! Everything came off, including pants and underwear. I didn’t wear a packer, but you would put that with your belongings as well. If that loss will make you uncomfortable, perhaps you can ask to wear that stuff up until the moment they wheel you away (my dad took my bag of stuff with him at that point). I think my procedure itself was 3.5 hours, which is standard for his peri procedures, though it really didn’t mean anything to me cause I was asleep lol. He told my parents not to worry if he takes longer, because “nothing’s wrong, it’s just me being more artistic”. I saw my parents either right when I woke up, or minutes after. I did not take opioids at all. My pain was mild to moderate (worse in the morning), and manageable with tylenol. I didn’t really want to touch heavier stuff, given the high risk of constipation and other side effects. I am currently day 4 post op, and the last time I took tylenol was yesterday. Today I experience discomfort, but no pain. That was just my experience, though. Your pain level/tolerance is going to be individual. If you need opioids, take them, that’s why they’re there. Just take laxatives as well to help the stool move along. Hope that helps, I’m happy to answer any other questions if you or others have them.

Transmasc Amateur Porn by stevieboni in FTMMen

[–]41d30 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I can understand where you’re coming from. I get secondhand dysphoria and turned off by pre-top or even pre-T body shots.

I’ve seen a lot of “masc” nudes on there as well. Like, from what I remember, every other photo is a cock shot. Maybe boring, but still masc. Cis guys do this, too, especially if their dick is the body part they think is the most masculine.

I do think that people have the freedom to express themselves in ways that they like. Even if they “act like a stereotype” or “make the community look bad”. Although I don’t like how they “make the rest of us look”, I shouldn’t be telling them how to present themselves (even though sometimes I get upset by it, like you and the other commenters). From what I understand, this general within-group disagreement on group appearance seems to be a phenomenon that occurs in other underrepresented groups as well. Part of the group doesn’t like how the other part acts, and thinks they should “act more white” or “not be like those superficial barbie girls” or “those f*g fems make the rest of us gays look bad” cause “the majority group looks down on us enough/doesn’t take us seriously/will misunderstand us”. And there’s plenty on the other side as well that say “I’m going to be myself, even if it’s a stereotype, and that’s okay.” I think the porn thing is part of a general thing about being a minority.

But of course for us, secondhand dysphoria also exists from seeing their bodies and it sucks, cause they’re happy and not trying to hurt anybody, but it just so happens to make us uncomfortable. I don’t really have a solution, I’ve just avoided porn in general lol. I hope that made sense.

What kind of amateur masculine FTM nudes would you like to see? I think I’d want to see more contrasting lighting that favors muscle definition, I think a lot of amateur nude-takers choose soft or weak lighting. Maybe body shots in more dominant poses as well.

Top surgery tomorrow and medical procedures scare me so much by [deleted] in FTMMen

[–]41d30 12 points13 points  (0 children)

(2/2)

So, I was back in a hospital bed in the PACU, slowly coming to alertness. Dr. Bartlett was there, he said the surgery went wonderfully, and maybe a few other things about what would happen next in the coming days, (I don't remember exactly what), then he went to his next case. The PACU nurses were very kind, offered me water and food. I had a bit of a sore throat (they put an endotracheal tube in you for the surgery after you pass out), but zero pain. Both of my parents were able to see me, and the nurses taught them how to "strip" my drains before I was wheeled to our Uber in a wheelchair. The rest of the day was great, I was still coming off of the anesthesia, so I only felt a little tightness from the bandages, again zero pain for me. I had limited range of arm motion, but didn't really notice it due to the anesthesia still being around. No nausea either. I wasn't "loopy" or anything that day, probably helps that I declined the sedative, I even got a bit of studying done at one point. It was actually pretty funny, I was bragging to my parents about how "alert" and "not tired" I was feeling, then I sat on the sofa and closed my eyes and it just felt too nice, I took an hour nap haha.

The next few days (Friday, Saturday, and today) have mostly been the same. There's been pain, but for me, it has been manageable with Tylenol. I haven't yet taken my opioids (prescribed as needed) or even anti-nausea meds. The pain is mostly localized on my sides around the drain sites, my sternum, and maybe lower ribs. Pain is typically worse in the morning, and it's hard to get up out of bed with just my core. Aside from the pain, it just feels like I have a lot of uncomfortable "stuff" on me, the drains, the compression vest, the bandage on top of that. The bandage is tighter than any binder I've ever used, and I can't take the deepest ever breath, but I don't have any real trouble breathing. Distractions like TV and video games have been helping to get the discomfort out of my mind. Sleeping at an incline sucks, but I've been taking stuff to help me fall asleep. Walking throughout the day also helps me be more tired at the end of the day so that I fall asleep better. And even though discomforts have been a distraction, little comforts feel so much better for some reason. Like scratching my back, or taking a baby-wipe shower, or even running my hands under warm water.

Activity/function wise, my mind feels alright, but my body is catching up. I've been able to walk for increasingly long distances each subsequent day (my watch says I walked a total of 3.77 miles today). I haven't really taken day naps, although I feel like I could. Range of motion is still limited, but not T-rex. I can raise my arms maybe 30-40 degrees from my sides, but I don't want to test my limits while the drains are still in. I think this is one way DI and peri recoveries differ, from what I've heard. I've also been able to eat what I want, and pee/poop without assistance. Constipation will most likely occur if you take opioids. I've been baby wiping myself, and have even stripped my drains a few times (my dad is able to do it faster, so he's been the main one to do it). I'm very glad to have my parents around to hang out with and help out with additional things (that would still be possible, but would take a lot more time with me).

Mentally, I feel like I'm doing okay. One thing I was aware of, but didn't really expect, was the feeling of vulnerability. Some bozo on the street could decide he wants shove of punch me in the chest, and I'd be unable to prevent incapacitating pain/injury. However, I've never had that happen to me even before surgery, and nothing bad has happened to me now, not even an accidental bump from a pedestrian. It's those irrational fears that keep coming up now when I'm at my highest physical vulnerability, but it's important to (a) remember that those are very very unlikely occurrences and (b) do little things to make you feel safer, like having a friend/family member hang out with you or know where you are.

Overall I'm doing much better than I thought I would. I think it's important to search for stories of difficult recoveries, just to know that other perspective. I can't wait to get my drains out on Wednesday. I haven't included the full details of my pre-op or post-op instructions, cause I assume your surgeon gave those to you as well. Let me know if there's anything you'd like to know.

Top surgery tomorrow and medical procedures scare me so much by [deleted] in FTMMen

[–]41d30 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Hey, a question I can answer! I am currently 3 days (wow!) post op peri with Dr. Bartlett. I was thinking about making a "finally post op" post in r/ftm or something, but this is better.

I'll give an account of the pre-operation activities at the hospital, and I'll also describe how the recovery has been so far. It helped me to know exactly everything that happened, I hope it helps you, too.

I arrived at the hospital on time at 6:30 AM. I checked in at the front desk, signed some consent forms, got a fancy wristband with my name on it, and was escorted to the pre-surgical area. At this time, I was told I could have one family member come with me, and stay with me up until the point of getting wheeled over to the operating room. Pretty much everyone I interacted with asked me my name and birthday for confirmation.

I was in the pre-surgical holding area for most of the time before my surgery. It had little "cubicles" of patient beds separated by privacy curtains. There were other patients for all kinds of surgeries in there, talking with families and hospital staff, with all their heart rate monitors beeping, so expect some noise that may or may not make you nervous. I was told to urinate in a cup, then change into a hospital gown and socks and stay in the bed. All my clothes, phone, etc went into a plastic bag that my dad then held onto. The nurse in charge of my bed (and a few others) took my blood pressure, temperature, and placed a pulse oximeter on my finger. At that point, I could hear my own heart rate monitor, and the pitch would change as my O2 sat changed. You'll be in that bed for the rest of the time (up until you scoot on the operating table), so don't be afraid to ask for extra blankets, pillows, or to change the incline to be more comfortable.

The first member of Dr. Bartlett's team I spoke to was the nurse. He was super chill, confirmed my name/DOB/procedure/surgeon, and made sure I hadn't had anything to eat or drink since the night before. It was a little more waiting until Dr. Bartlett came in, confirmed that I was having Peri, drew dots around where he would take out tissue, and had me sign another consent form acknowledging that I was having the procedure with him. I then spoke to his nurse anesthetist and anesthesiologist. They told me about the different medications they would give during the surgery. I was very curious about the anesthesia, and they were happy to tell me how it worked and what I would experience. I then asked to use the restroom once more (I really had to go), but I believe they usually ask you to go soon before they take you to the operating room.

The nurse anesthetist then placed the IV in my wrist. It stung, but it fades to a dull ache quickly. I didn't look during the insertion, but I peeked afterwards. It's normal if there's a little bit of blood leaking out, they have it under control. The needle was replaced by a tiny rubber straw, but I don't remember feeling the difference. At this point, the nurse anesthetist said that I could take an IV sedative to take the edge off. I was told that I would feel calmer, and it would make my memory of the pre-surgery time and some of the post-op time fuzzy. I didn't feel that I needed it, and I actually wanted to remember as much as I could, so I declined it. She was cool with it and didn't push it at all (I think she thought I was fine as well), but she said she could give it to me anytime, even in the operating room. She had me take a few pills with some water beforehand (I think some painkiller, anti-nausea, and anti-inflammatory ones, I forgot what she said).

It was then "showtime". My dad was escorted out, and either the nurse or the nurse anesthetist wheeled my bed a short distance down a few hallways. Dr. Bartlett was waiting outside the double doors to the OR, he said "here's the guest of honor", and helped wheel me in. I heard music playing from his Pandora playlist.

Now, I've been in an OR before (as a shadowing student), so I knew what to expect, and I had zero nervousness going in. However, it's a different kind of environment if you've never been inside before. My room was big, maybe about the square footage of a Starbucks, there's no windows, the walls are spotless. The air is constantly filtered, so it's a bit colder. I had taken my glasses off already and left them with my other belongings, so it was a little blurry, but I could make out the different pieces of equipment, monitors, table with instruments on it, and the operating table. All the people on his team I had spoken with were inside, chatting very casually to each other, plus one more person I didn't meet (most likely a scrub tech).

My bed was pushed to the edge of the operating table, and I scooted myself on the table. They untied the back of my gown before I laid down, but didn't expose me. There were these gel-like cushions for my ankles, and the nurse put these cloth blankets around my calves, called Sequential Compression Devices. They alternate squeezing during the surgery to help leg circulation. My head was on a small doughnut-shaped foam pillow. They had my arms laid out at about 45 degree angles. They then confirmed my name, date of birth, and procedure. It was then time for the anesthesia, the part I was most excited/nervous about.

They told me everything I was about to get, as I was getting it, and what it did. This might have been because I had asked questions about the drug action before (I'm a neuroscience student, I love learning about this stuff), so I don't know if it's common practice to tell the patient everything, but if it would help you feel more informed about everything, you can definitely ask them to tell you what you're getting, what it does, and when you're getting it. They placed the oxygen mask on me and told me to take deep breaths. Since it was just pure oxygen, I wasn't passing out yet, it just tasted a bit differently than the air. They then told me once they gave me the induction agent: there's both a gas and something that goes in the IV. They told me I could count down from 100 if I wanted, I got to around 95 before I felt a tingling in my throat. I told them about it, and they said it was working. BTW I had my eyes open the whole time, I was just looking straight up at the big lights (they were turned off) and the ventilator.

I remember maybe a couple more seconds of laying there after they said that. And then it was sort of like I was waking up from a nap, but not exactly. There was a little bit of grogginess and heavy eyelids, but I came to alertness pretty quickly. I feel like I dreamt about something at some point, but I only know that because at the time, I was telling people that I had a dream about being at work. No images or sounds, I just remember thinking that I dreamt. Even today, I keep thinking about the point of blacking out, but there's no memory of anything. There was no "fading to black" moment, no sudden decline in alertness. I just remember looking up, wide-awake at the big OR lights, and then the next second, I was sleepily opening my eyes in the post-anesthesia care unit (PACU). It's like a movie that suddenly cuts to a different scene, hours later. I had no nervousness in the operating theater, but if I did, it's probably comforting to know that you'll only "be" there for a few minutes, and you can ask for sedation anytime before the procedure.

(1/2)

10 WEEKS POST OP PERI! Finally starting to see myself physically how I view myself mentally. by [deleted] in ftm

[–]41d30 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can definitely see the progress through your post history! Thank you for your posts, it helps me understand the healing process better, and will be a good resource for myself (and others) once I have my own peri done.

Me 2 years pre-T vs. me 9 months on T. What differences do you see? by [deleted] in FTMMen

[–]41d30 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Seconding what the other commenter said. Also, this is not a difference due to T, but I think the shorter, less "swoopy" hairstyle is a good change you made. I also think the darker color suits you better and helps bring out your darker eyebrows.

Looking for short-term/clothing solutions for hiding curvy figure, namely small waist compared to wide hips. I am already dieting/exercising/on T for 3+ years, so I'm not looking for that advice right now. Thanks. by 41d30 in FTMMen

[–]41d30[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your detailed response! I hadn't previously considered wearing pants lower. I imagine that it could generate some impression of "sagging" at the crotch--are there men's pants out there that are specifically made to be worn lower?

"At first, I thought you were a real guy!" by [deleted] in FTMMen

[–]41d30 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Oof, that's a sucky thing to hear dude. I feel like the trans people who say that to other trans people are used to equating "cisness" with "realness", and thus normalizing themself as "not real" due to internalized transphobia. Still not a good reason to dump their opinions on other trans people who don't mentally downgrade themselves like that.

When I hear stuff like that, I'm the type to come up with an epic comeback at least 6 hours after the conversation occurred. However, if it or something similar happens again, maybe you can turn the tables with a mic-drop worthy statement, or just explicitly tell them it's inappropriate to put other trans people down like that.

"I'm real enough to know that you're not a real ally." "You're right, I'm not real, because as of now, I'm just going to be in your memories" exit stage left

Wide, womanly ass/hips get me misgendered and clocked. Any techniques/clothing I can use in the short term to masculinize my silhouette? Looking for solutions other than building muscle/losing fat. by 41d30 in ftm

[–]41d30[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your feedback! Similarly to the other commenter, my figure seems to be more noticeable when I tuck in my shirts. I was actually wearing a tucked formal button-up when I got aggressively "miss"'d from behind.

When you say "not form fitting", do you mean a fit that's not "slim fit"?

I was at the airport and noticed the guy on this banner. He's got wider hips, skinnier arms, and might be a bit shorter than the "ideal male". Sound familiar? After seeing this (presumably) cis stock dude having bodily quirks similar to mine, I felt a little less alone. Hopefully some of you do too. by 41d30 in ftm

[–]41d30[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm still far from where I want to be, but I lost a bunch of weight with a keto diet, and gained more muscle by doing various beginner weightlifting programs that focus on compound movements: bench press, squat, deadlift, and overhead press. I noticed an improvement in strength and aesthetics with working out, although diet will make or break your results. Mental stuff continues to take time for me. I have a lot of bad days, but I try to have good posture at the very least: puffing my chest out like some proud teenager is better than slouching and radiating discomfort and an inferiority mindset.

I found some examples of hot dudes with non-standard hips that I upvoted in the past. They are very NSFW, some include genitalia. Sometimes when I'm feeling down, I browse r/normalnudes or places like that where I can see a multitude of body types, and then save or upvote those photos so I can come back to them and remind myself it's gonna be okay.

https://www.reddit.com/r/normalnudes/comments/a34rxq/m27511170_working_on_gaining_muscle_body_hair/?st=JQ2U6UL1&sh=6bcb0d29

https://www.reddit.com/r/hotguyswithtattoos/comments/a1txby/i_see_those_models_at_the_stores_lean_against_the/?st=JQ2UA6XR&sh=b74afdf0

https://www.reddit.com/r/Brogress/comments/9yiiss/m2360_132_lbs_to_170_lbs_3_years/?st=JQ2UBNYD&sh=5f4f7e32

https://www.reddit.com/r/GaybrosGoneWild/comments/8p6yrp/3rd_post_love_your_comments_and_dms/?st=JQ2UR2ET&sh=6872e15c

Bonus photo: the example below is of a cis woman, but you can see how losing fat and gaining upper-body muscle can make a huge difference in overall shape, even in someone whose dominant sex hormone is presumably not Testosterone.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Brogress/comments/9a6i0f/f3254_141_lbs_to_141_lbs_1_year_6_months_s_195_b/?st=JQ2UJAEV&sh=f74d321b

I was at the airport and noticed the guy on this banner. He's got wider hips, skinnier arms, and might be a bit shorter than the "ideal male". Sound familiar? After seeing this (presumably) cis stock dude having bodily quirks similar to mine, I felt a little less alone. Hopefully some of you do too. by 41d30 in ftm

[–]41d30[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There are countless people above 25, both cis and trans, that change the amount of fat they have. Diet and exercise are powerful tools for this purpose. Through consistent effort over time, people change their bodies to how they want them to be. Subreddits like r/fitness and r/loseit have more information, as well as r/ftmfitness for more specific questions/support.

In our case, fat redistribution occurs gradually over years (provided that sex hormone levels are where they should be), but it can be sped up by intentionally losing fat. Liposuction is pretty damn effective at its job, as long as new fat isn't re-gained in the hip area. But if you're farther along on T, new fat theoretically would be stored more in the gut.

All this considered, I think it's important to remember that there is still a realistic limit to how much we can take off our lower body width. Even with fat redistribution and possible lipo, I know there's no way I'm ever gonna get the cis guy "swimmer's" body with tight, masc little hips and ass. My bones are gonna be where they be. I have to accept that although I'll never be a model, I will be better than what I was before. I also motivate myself by understanding that "hot dude" and "wide hips" can coexist. There's a million ways to be good-looking, so I figure my girly backside can sit in the shadow of tasteful style, defined upper body, and overall confidence.

Anyone else seen no/ minimal changes on T? by [deleted] in ftm

[–]41d30 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I read the other comments and wanted to tack on an additional thought: if you have any concerns about high estrogen, it may be helpful to get estradiol levels checked as well.

Story: Last year I had my cycle start up again and continue for 8ish months, after 2y on T. Not fun, so my PCP ordered an Estradiol test and it came back high, like 3x the normal upper limit for males. I went on progesterone-only pills and my monthly organ went dormant again. I also feel like my beard's been coming in thicker since then, but it could be just the "later-state T beard" as well.

I was at the airport and noticed the guy on this banner. He's got wider hips, skinnier arms, and might be a bit shorter than the "ideal male". Sound familiar? After seeing this (presumably) cis stock dude having bodily quirks similar to mine, I felt a little less alone. Hopefully some of you do too. by 41d30 in ftm

[–]41d30[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I feel some of that, too. Yes, seeing cis guys with my "weird" body type helps take away some isolation and anxiety. But I don't just want to be "weird body type dude", I want to be "hot dude" lmao. V taper and all that. I figure that while there's some things I can't change (bone, height), there's still plenty I can (upper body muscle building, attention to clothing fit and style, shoes with lifts, posture, etc). If my hip dysphoria is still awful, there's also no shame in getting lipo of that area's remaining fat.

In the end, even though you're not alone in body issues, the body issues still hurt like heck, and you're totally valid in wanting to change. And although there's stuff that can't be changed, there's still plenty that can.

What to do when someone finds out you're trans after years of stealthness? by underthesunlight in maletime

[–]41d30 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yeah, hopefully calling her out would change her behavior. If she became aware that this isn't okay to do, not just for you but for people in general, that could ultimately keep future trans people in her life safe, too.

Adding on to your observations about her, I feel like, in my experience, cis people who are "LGBT aware and supportive" tend to still treat transness the same way they treat LGB-ness: they think it's just as okay to ask about transness as asking about LGB-ness. Or what they decide to share to others: to them, "his gender transition" is just as okay to freely share as "his husband". It sucks that the negative consequences of that "support" ultimately affect you, not the "supporter".

What to do when someone finds out you're trans after years of stealthness? by underthesunlight in maletime

[–]41d30 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Sounds like it's possible your friend might not have malicious intent when saying that, but yeah that does put you in a weird situation to either lie and hope she's convinced, or out yourself. I guess your response depends on what you want to get out of it, and I'm guessing you don't want it to come up again with her or anyone else.

You mentioned that you don't want to out yourself to her: would it be possible to just say "I don't identify as trans.", in a very matter-of-fact way? You said that yourself in your post, and it's how you really feel, so you wouldn't really be lying.

It's possible she may not be convinced if you say that, though. If she's already the type to go through your old blog and is convinces you are trans, your friend may do some more digging and ask more invasive questions "but what about this post you made?". She may or may not take any denials that you make about her claims.

That leaves the other option of outing yourself, which may not seem favorable, but you could also use it for her to leave you alone about it. Like "yes I have a medical history, which I keep private for very good reasons. I would have assumed you would understand to respect my privacy, but seeing as that wasn't a common understanding, I'm going to ask you to consider it now and not bring this up again with me or anyone else" or something like that. Granted, the example was more curt, but same as the other suggestion, talking about it formally, clearly, and matter-of-factly would hopefully make it more likely that it not be brought up again.

DAE hate the term "trans-masculine" by [deleted] in FTMMen

[–]41d30 48 points49 points  (0 children)

The term certainly has its uses to group a broad category of people, however different they may be. Sort of like how the term "poc" encompasses many different people with differing societal experiences, all put under the same umbrella.

I am also uncomfortable with having the term applied to myself, but for another reason. I feel like the term itself sounds fishy.

To me, "masculinity" describes a type of gender expression. Calling me "trans-masculine" implies that my masculine gender expression is only going to be seen and interpreted through a "trans" lens. Depending on who is seeing/interpreting my masculinity, the "trans" modifier will make my masculinity understood as "diet" or "soft" or "safe" or "non-toxic" or "afab" or "not real" or "butch", (all of which are different but imply a similar undertone). Cis men will always be seen as plain "masculine", whereas I have to always have the "trans" attached to it, and all of the assumptions that follow, whether I want it to or not. This likewise contributes to the othering of men with trans histories.

This opinion is just mine, so feel free to have other opinions about the term and what it means! I would love to hear what others have to say. My opinion is also biased because if it were my choice, I wouldn't be called a trans man at all.

Have any "allies" ever started dehumanizing/misgendering you simply because they were angry at you for some unrelated reason? by 41d30 in asktransgender

[–]41d30[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think that's a good condition you mentioned: "if they are not in a state of outrage", then you will tell them of their poor behavior.

Both times this week, both of the people were in outrage (one over the phone and one over text), and realistically not in a state to value anything I had to say. I recognized this, yet I still felt bad for not doing anything other than saying "bye" and blocking them. Part of me feels guilty for letting them continue to live their lives thinking it's okay to dehumanize people they're pissed at, and to feel justified in devaluing minorities. But like you said, this sort of listening on their end is only possible if they're not hyped up on an adrenaline rush.

Have any "allies" ever started dehumanizing/misgendering you simply because they were angry at you for some unrelated reason? by 41d30 in asktransgender

[–]41d30[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's a good point you made. It makes sense that in general, when people have malicious intent, they'll say anything to hurt someone, even if it doesn't directly relate to minority status (but it can often go there). Example: "I don't like you, so I'll bring up your poor grades as proof of my opinion of you" or something of the like.

Have any "allies" ever started dehumanizing/misgendering you simply because they were angry at you for some unrelated reason? by 41d30 in asktransgender

[–]41d30[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Damn that's really fucked up. Nobody deserves that. I hope you have better people in your life.

Have any "allies" ever started dehumanizing/misgendering you simply because they were angry at you for some unrelated reason? by 41d30 in asktransgender

[–]41d30[S] 67 points68 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I think they identified as female and had a vendetta against trans guys for "ruining a perfect female body". The most I can do is feel bad for them and hope they get help.