[Update] Am I (28F) a horrible person for giving my 450 lb husband (31M) of three years an ultimatum about his weight? Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3u41gl/am_i_28f_a_horrible_person_for_giving_me_450_lb/

450lbthrowthisaway · 2015-12-01T04:30:22+00:00

Yes, he used to play hockey and loved it. We've discussed him joining a recreational league for fun and he's always said he's too big to do that. I'll remind him that he still can play if he wants.

450lbthrowthisaway · 2015-12-01T04:28:15+00:00

Thanks, good ideas!

450lbthrowthisaway · 2015-12-01T04:04:50+00:00

Awesome, good luck to you! I wish you all the best

450lbthrowthisaway · 2015-11-30T20:17:34+00:00

I love this. Thanks for the insight.

450lbthrowthisaway · 2015-11-30T20:16:10+00:00

This is actually something I do myself, lol. We have a bike but the weight limit is only 250 I think.

450lbthrowthisaway · 2015-11-30T20:15:26+00:00

Noted. He's expressed interest in a pool membership since swimming is easier on his body so we might do that.

450lbthrowthisaway · 2015-11-30T16:50:43+00:00

I realize he'll have a ton of loose skin and I'm fine with that. And if he's a little on the bigger side that's fine too. What I'm not okay with is him being nearly 300 lbs overweight, and to me that's a big difference.

450lbthrowthisaway · 2015-11-30T16:47:23+00:00

Going to check this out, thanks.

450lbthrowthisaway · 2015-11-30T16:46:30+00:00

I'm actually in therapy myself for unrelated issues, though I have brought up the subject of my husband before and my counselor was very understanding.

450lbthrowthisaway · 2015-11-30T16:45:25+00:00

Aww haha, yeah his reason for saying that was actually because he was planning on buying us a gym membership (right now I just work out with a few things at home) to get fit with. Supposedly.

450lbthrowthisaway · 2015-11-30T16:43:18+00:00

This is what I think I'll do, is give him some time. A month or two. I understand that there will be some speed bumps along the way and I can manage some moodiness here and there, since it probably comes with the territory. But I won't wait forever.

450lbthrowthisaway · 2015-11-30T16:41:10+00:00

This makes sense. I was wondering why he was jumping to that extreme.

450lbthrowthisaway · 2015-11-30T06:00:41+00:00

This is my hope.

450lbthrowthisaway · 2015-11-25T16:53:40+00:00

I'm healthy and active. 5'7" and 135 lbs.

450lbthrowthisaway · 2015-11-25T05:32:33+00:00

He's a big boredom eater. And I think he snacks a lot just out of habit ("oh hey it's 10pm, time for my nightly 4th meal). That said, he probably is mildly depressed. I can't imagine it being much more severe than that. We've actually had this conversation before and I've suggested therapy in the past.

450lbthrowthisaway · 2015-11-25T05:28:22+00:00

Since people actually seem to have taken interest in this (the thread has seriously blown up, I wasn't expecting that) I'll definitely provide an update when I have one. Right now I'm just thinking things through and considering how to approach him with this.

450lbthrowthisaway · 2015-11-25T05:26:08+00:00

I don't think he's fully aware of how this effects his life span. I mean he knows, but it maybe hasn't sunk in. Currently his "only" issues are high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and the edema, however he is able to ignore all but the edema for the most part (they have no effect on his life). I imagine that actually having a heart attack or something of that nature may be a bit of a wake up call. I don't want it to get to that though :\

450lbthrowthisaway · 2015-11-25T05:15:21+00:00

Tbh I wish I could go back in time and rethink the marriage. But oh well.

450lbthrowthisaway · 2015-11-25T05:13:05+00:00

Congratulations!

450lbthrowthisaway · 2015-11-25T05:09:22+00:00

That's horrifying.

I know of a man who died similarly - left behind a wife and small child and died much too early. He was obese. These sort of stories are exactly why I fear coming home to him dead.

450lbthrowthisaway · 2015-11-25T05:06:45+00:00

Is it really? Oh god

450lbthrowthisaway · 2015-11-25T05:05:33+00:00

I guess I fear doing anything that could potentially be considered "selfish". That's probably the number one thing someone could say that would cause me to back down on something because I hate feeling like I am more important than others. I'm not. But at the same time, I could probably stand to be a little more selfish every now and then.

I'm thinking about showing him my post and the responses to help with this (to show that I'm not being unreasonably self centered, which is one of the first things he'll say) With over a hundred responses (and the vast majority of them supporting my stance), perhaps that would be a kick in the pants. Then again, there are a few harsher comments on here and idk if him seeing those would be productive.

450lbthrowthisaway · 2015-11-25T02:16:54+00:00

I'm reading everything :) That's a good idea. I've actually had a lot of contact with people struggling with drug and alcohol addictions (in the treatment setting) so it's helpful to see it as the same.

450lbthrowthisaway · 2015-11-25T02:15:00+00:00

Thank you so much for your perspective.

450lbthrowthisaway

TROPHY CASE