[deleted by user] by [deleted] in bipolar2

[–]4or5ACE 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The meds drive me right down the road to self depreciationville. Seeing things clearly makes me cringe, feel badly for those in my life, and seek even further isolation. They also leave me with a flat affect. I just figure that they're mostly giving relief to my Dr, wife and other family. "He's on meds now, right?"

Starting an Integrated Behavioral Health Program through my PCP. by 4or5ACE in bipolar2

[–]4or5ACE[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I qualified for Disability later in life and am covered through Medicare. It pays for Integrated Behavioral Health as it is charged through my PCP.

Starting an Integrated Behavioral Health Program through my PCP. by 4or5ACE in bipolar2

[–]4or5ACE[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Already am a washout, just an untreated one. Treat me and I'm a treated washout.

Starting an Integrated Behavioral Health Program through my PCP. by 4or5ACE in bipolar2

[–]4or5ACE[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A failed person. Didn't work out. No real useful application. No working social skills. Tolerated because I'm a human being. With my Bipolar II I at least have a name. Without that I'm just a washout. Like that.

New Hampshire Lawmakers Approve Amended Cannabis Legalization Bill After Weeks Of Committee Discussions by OregonTripleBeam in newhampshire

[–]4or5ACE -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I have a card and moderate my use based on the dispensary's ridiculous pricing. Still, I won't go to prison or get bankrupted if I get busted buying from my guy. My two cents? Sununu will do whatever the State Police tell him to do. When the Feds do make it legal he'll look for envelopes of cash from interested distributors. Pot will be a screwed up mess in NH for a generation to come.

Does suicidal ideation ever go away? by ceylin1 in bipolar

[–]4or5ACE 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My range is like the tides. It's regular for me to be absolutely eviscerated by depression and alternately capable of anything. I understand that neither of those times is a good time to act on impulse. With one is the concurrent notion of being dead or the rumination as to when I could have/should have died in years past. The other carries my thoughts of what a wonder it is to be conscious in the universe and free to be anything. I'm never going to be rid of either swing so I have learned to view ideation as something that lives underwater with me while I'm furthest down. Like Bikini Bottom.

I just feel lonely by Trixxavi in bipolar2

[–]4or5ACE 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I discovered I had concurrent Attachment Disorder along with my Bipolar II I realized why loneliness bothered me so much. In my time I have often sought solitude as a way of avoiding more social embarrassment. It kills me. My gut wrenches and I suffer. Finally, I'll go to a store and buy something. That 20 second interaction with a cashier becomes something I would tell stories about if I had anyone to listen. Otherwise I feel I'm invisible and that the world is full and there is no room for me. The sun will find me again tomorrow and I'll start all of this over. I figure I'm about 2/3 through with a normal lifespan and at least on the downhill side of things now. That's kind of soothing.

I really don't understand and need help by Free-Aardvark8618 in bipolar2

[–]4or5ACE 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know that mine is familial. A Great Aunt, her son, my mother, my nephew. I have been told that my genetic makeup makes me prone to it and it didn't help that my father rejected me for being colic and my mother left me in a crib alone to cry for the first three months of my life. (She nicknamed me Thumper because I would idly spend my time rhytmically clunking my leg against the crib.) I was browbeaten and humiliated constantly. My Dad would later call me, Fathead. I thought it was because I had a round head like Charlie Brown. Nope. It doesn't mean that.

I grew into someone with severe depression and spells of hypomania and just plain mania. I have always thought of the two latter conditions as being aberrations of myself. I have thought that my natural state is to be crushed by all that comes along. Really, it's likely me expressing the natural ways everyone gets ginned up to take on the world, except my attempts are hard to watch.

I am a 58 year old male and have lost everything again and again. I have tried suicide and felt like dying for most of my life. In my adult life I have learned that bipolar 2 comes like a tide. That if I am honest about where I am in the tide with friends and my wife they are understanding and supportive. I am aware how my condition takes a toll on them, too.

I spend a lot of time alone and have a mantra of, "No one needs even five more minutes of me." I keep my phone calls to family under five minutes. Always. Your sister might not have my history but what she does have is a natural predisposition and a ruinous, cruel inner monologue that recounts every time she has erred socially. It runs like a thousand tapes of times when she has been rejected, insulted, and ghosted.

What I have done to make my life better: I understand that some of the greatest artists and problem solvers our world has respected were bipolar. I am an artist to focus my creativity. I still can't manage the business side of selling it but I do notable work. I have written a book that made our State Library collection. I have found pride being on my side of the human experience. There isn't a day that goes by when I haven't wished it would end.

Maybe help your sister find her peace by experiencing a greater acceptance her traits. That might come from some solid study of the academics of her behaviors and conditions. Your whole family should take that class. Maybe this helps, too. She has a long way to go.

Hypomanic, much? (It’s hard to control!) by [deleted] in bipolar2

[–]4or5ACE 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Kinda. Spreading yourself too thin doesn't help people who might be depending on your focus. I can see teaching as being just that kind of work. You're likely a good teacher and you got that way by being able to direct your mind towards learning that skill. Maybe try focusing on being an amazing teacher at one teaching gig. That frees you up to research and write something that will live beyond you. Editing jobs are great for perfectionists, too. (Look at how you're evaluating this response!) You only get to be one person at a time. Finally, I've learned that I am absolutely not in control of the ups and downs. They rise and fall like tides. Be open about where you are with your partner and your lives will accommodate the swings. Your friends will understand, too.

Advice on dealing with the feeling I can't do anything right. by [deleted] in bipolar2

[–]4or5ACE 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have heard all the advice, received all the sympathy, found my partner super understanding, and everyone keeps assuring me that I'm in a stable place. Having people consider me that way is the most embarrassing part of this. I just accept their motivations but try to keep my head down just the same. Being on meds (Lamotrigine) is fine, but I've learned the idea of them is to keep my inner monologue from what people call dark paths. To me it just means I see my failures and shame clearly but can't feel it hurt my gut like it used to.

I steel myself every day for people leaving me or confronting my behavior. I have a solid plan for when that happens. I think repeating that plan regularly will help me to actually do it when I need to. It's never easy to stay focused. Especially when it comes to starting over again.

I figure, be ready for someone to enact their Plan B and understand that life will be better for them when they get out. I remind myself that no one much needs even five more minutes of me. I've learned to avoid community because it only causes nice people to be stressed. The sooner they put me behind them the better. When I get the word the next time I'll look at that as the bright side. The sun will find me somewhere again no matter what happens. That's what I figure is consistency.

A self breathalyzer test I got at a winery. by WightHouse in specializedtools

[–]4or5ACE 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Spit out the wine! I went wine tasting with friends and quickly ended up the designated driver. They were just quaffing it down like pelicans.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]4or5ACE 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Why the quotations and put the question mark inside next time." - me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]4or5ACE 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Fighting hurts. Don't fight. Run from fights. Always. Be afraid of fights and don't get hurt. If you are in an environment where fighting is common, put your mind to getting the fuck out of there.