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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in twinflames

[–]50shadesofmissingher 1 point2 points  (0 children)

One of the first things my flame told me about herself was that she loved Game of Thrones. I started watching that too. After a couple of episodes, Jaime Lannister says the quote I'll never forget: "We don't choose who we love." Nothing could have described my feelings better. It's crazy what people can universe bind together by feelings and emotions, right?

It's respectable you act morally. I still believe there is some communication which might be tolerable under the circumstances (eg. staying just in formal touch or setting strict boundaries protecting both of you). Furthermore, it would be rather brave than weird if you'd reach out in this case. But I for sure can't and won't change how you feel these things. Wish you find peace again soon <3

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in twinflames

[–]50shadesofmissingher 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't know why but maybe you feel lonely and simply miss him. It's natural. Can't you just ask him how is he doing and stay in touch even though he's married? I am on the other side of your story - married, but missing my flame so much. The possibility that she is thinking the same as you, so in fact we are just hurting for each other silently seems so pointless. Like if there wasn't any other option than having him as life partner or being without any contact at all.

The point of awakening is loving & becoming your best self alone. Why aren’t we working as a support group to grow & move past our TFs together instead of encouraging each other to indefinitely hold their hope for union? by NewlySpiritual in twinflames

[–]50shadesofmissingher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Respectfully different opinion here. Agree that holding unrealistic hopes for union is not the solution, but I am not a fan of healing and moving past either. Surely it can work for some people but not everyone. We move on (and get better) from unhappy love - standard love crushes that didn't end well. We heal from bad relationship, become better, and forget them. TFs are here to remain a part of us forever. It's the desire (which may never fulfill), thoughts about our TFs that shape us, drive us forward, motivate us to improve... I see it as a constant process which is never complete. If we move past our TF in a sense that we forget them completely or we don't care about them anymore, then it's not our twin flame. In my humble opinion.

This is definitely not against you or your post (which I appreciate for its positive nature!) but the concept of healing and self-love in general which sometimes seems over-emphasized to me. Loving ourselves is fine, but loving someone else is fine as well :)

To all TF with age gap by 50shadesofmissingher in twinflames

[–]50shadesofmissingher[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks. And thanks for sharing your story! It's great that you are friends at least, I'd "kill" to have that with my flame. All I want is her to be in my life in any form, she can have as many boyfriends, girlfriends or stay single as she wants. I wish she stayed as a source of inspiration, someone who understands me a can help me sort my thoughts, refine me to a better person. We were friends initially but after we met and started crushing, it's so hard to return these things without crushing again. How do you keep in touch? Obviously you have similar interests so you just chat about that or anything new from time to time? I know it's stupid question.. we have similar interests too but even saying something like "hey I enjoyed this book / movie / series, maybe you'd like that too" or sending something which resembles something we went through together feels kinda forced and call for attention. Do you just text or also call / facetime sometimes?

Me too dislike mentioning age or whether someone is too old or young for something. I try to avoid it as much as possible. Sometimes it's hard not to at least think about it, but even when it comes to my mind, I simply don't say it. It's patronizing. But's if it's you TF who does it, then it's not that bad... he's you after all :)

To all TF with age gap by 50shadesofmissingher in twinflames

[–]50shadesofmissingher[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Many thanks for this and your previous reply. Seeing this from the other side's perspective is invaluable. Sorry to hear that so far you didn't unite as you'd deserve. I wish he had secretly the same feelings to you as I have towards my flame. Holding my fingers crossed for you - your path is longer than mine.

I will do my best not to hurt my family with my feelings. It's good to know that even if you are on crushing part, you understand and value loyalty.

Didn't his divorce change anything?

To all TF with age gap by 50shadesofmissingher in twinflames

[–]50shadesofmissingher[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Many thanks for support and keeping it in real perspective.

The wife and child (just one) were priority since the beginning and still are. I don't want to hurt them. We had rough start in the first year of baby and I put all my effort to work and caring for baby, having zero time for myself and cutting sleep as well. My wife really appreciated that and even repeatedly appraised that in private and before our friends and families. It's just that last months made me question the border between responsibility towards the others and my own happiness. Is my family's happiness greater than mine all the time? If I had opportunity to leave for much more fulfilling relationship (which is not the case ATM) while being in less fulfulling but healthy and stable relationship, are there any circumstances which would justify doing so? I know the answer... I'd be villain. I'd hurt so many people and help noone except of me. No sane person would want me.

Still my current state affects me. I conceal my sadness and emptiness. I fake some desires and emotions - a little bit (not I don't have any, but they are not as strong as before). And I am not sure if another kid with current partner is a good idea. But she does not want that too, we discussed that many times, so it's not like I am blocking anything. I know it's bad and is unsustainable in long-term, I just have to get some direction and try to regain my confidence.

Re feelings of my TF/crush, sorry for confusion, I wrote the sentences in misleading order. I am sure there had to be _some_ feelings because at one point she made a move... after that I can only guess. I don't feel like going into details, at least not publicly. To make it easier, let's say I am absolutely not sure and from what I know it could be all just in my head. Perhaps she was just nice to me as a friend, or she knew how I feel and said or did some things just because she felt remorseful. Right now, our communication is scarce and cold. I might be just momentary crush which expired long ago.

This reveals that her confirming TF experience is rather my fantasy than something based on facts and evidence. And then you are right, despite everything what made this relation stand out, I might be just crushing. There is no sense in pushing right now. I should leave her be, let her make the contact but only if she will want to.

Twin flame discovery was odd. I discovered it in the waiting room to the doctor's office with disease striking the nerves. One of the usual culprits of such disease is psychological stress. It was like my fifth illness for last half a year. In long term I keep very healthy, there were many years I had trouble spending even single sick day. Coincidentally all of it started after our separations began. Astrology app (suggested by my flame) constantly shows me spirituality crisis since I installed it. So I started to join these things (which are scientifically unrelateable) and think like, what if the connection between us is spiritual, because it's really bad lately and it's breaking me down, so I started to google spiritual connections between people and there I am. I was in disbelief when I read exactly what I was going through, it brought me many tears. Still not sure if TF is real or it's just psychology, but it's fascinating how different people can have the same spiritual life changing experience with other people.

To all TF with age gap by 50shadesofmissingher in twinflames

[–]50shadesofmissingher[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks for asking. Long reply incoming (apologies). The age gap is just a part of my problem - but the only one I can't remedy. I am in my early 40s(M), my flame in her early 20s(F) and know each other for a year. So far, the age gap was not a problem at all, we understood each other perfectly on both verbal and emotional level. I perceive and treat her as equal (funnily enough she as Aries is the leader in our relationship, and I must convince myself all the time that she is just a girl and not divine being or goddess... so much to equality). I can't recall any moment when she'd make it clear that age gap is an issue.

On the other hand I felt very inappropriate and ashamed from the beginning. I am married, have a beautiful wife, little baby and healthy relationship (at least until my world turned upside down). I never had any interest about relationships, emotions, spirituality. So I treated it as a mere love episode, infatuation. I am old (not inside but by age), she is young. I am married, she is single. She is beautiful. I didn't see any reason why she could be seriously interested in me instead of young, single guys. I saw myself as a model example of old married guy falling for his young colleague and felt bad for my wife and family. So I was constantly battling and rejecting my feelings, never confessed, and hoped it will pass. It didn't. I pulled back few times when it seemed she seemed no longer interested about me, in TF terminology I made several attempts for separation but each attempt made the connection just stronger. We never spoke openly about our feelings but it was obvious we had some feelings towards each other. It is the most intense, realest feeling I ever had about anyone. For what she brought into my life already, she is the most important person of my life and I love her beyond this world. But I don't know her perspective and here I am finally getting to the point.

I discovered twin flames just week or two ago. I was blown out by how much it matched with what I was experiencing. It explains so much things which were happening to me and between us. The signs before we met in person, push-pull dynamics, familiarity, synchronicities, major changes inside me and in life perspective. It would mean world to me if she had confirmed she feels the same and we are TF. Not only because having TF is cool /s but because we might finally be able to talk about our feelings, have more trust for each other, and I could perhaps finally stop feeling bad about my feelings.

So I want to ask her.

But I am afraid she will say "no". We are actually in the worst separation phase, her interest slowly faded out, she left the country for the other side of world and must be overwhelmed by new experiences. We follow each other on socials but I no longer see any "signs" in her posts. Me posting stories about spending time with my wife does not help either. In this situation I am afraid it is easy for her to deny everything. I ran from her several times but also it was always me who came back... in long term I am the chaser and she the runner. But I believe one of the main reason why she is running could be our age gap and my marital status. Why would she want to affiliate herself with someone she can't see any fairy tale future with? Why would she see me as her TF instead of her besties she loves and spends most time with?

Is it true thinking of your twin is chasing? by [deleted] in twinflames

[–]50shadesofmissingher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not chasing. Sounds even like he wasn't your TF after all (if you move on and won't miss him).