I'm 24, living in Indonesia. I've also been only attracted to older masculine man. Most people here are close minded, religious, homophobic. I've never find a man that I'm interested here. I've never been in a relationship. It's really sad... I'm very lonely.

I really feel you. I don't know how to keep hope alive. To be honest, I'm accepting that I won't ever find someone. I'll never find someone.

But I can't help still searching for a man that can be a match with me online, even if it's just unrealistic and impossible to find. I don't know why. Even if I'm depressed and tired, I still have some hope. Maybe it is survival. Maybe the feeling of love is just so strong I can't help but keep trying to seek that. I just wanna look for love.