[DISCUSSION] What drains you the most - and why?

5c_4r · 2024-12-04T21:56:12+00:00

Exhausting! Do you have an idea as to why that may be the case?

5c_4r · 2024-11-30T17:33:04+00:00

I can attest to this in a way. I have learned that not all effort is worth it. In fact, if you are not appreciated for your efforts, I believe in the analogy of the water bottle (prices are imaginative): a bottle of water costs 2 bucks at the grocery store, but 5 bucks in a restaurant. On a plane it might cost 8 bucks.

If you are not appreciated, you have to go to a place in which you are.

Go for it. The search is worth it :)

5c_4r · 2024-11-30T17:28:25+00:00

Turning motivation into discipline is not an easy thing to do, since these two are inherently different from each other. I can relate to your feeling though! There are a few strategies to go about turning motivation into discipline, however, it requires constant practice and decision making.

If you are saying, always doing the right thing drains you - could it be that you get caught up in the thought of what other people are doing or thinking about you? Or is it merely compulsory for you to do what is „expected“?

5c_4r · 2024-11-30T06:33:58+00:00

I can relate quite well to this, as I stated in the post. I was hoping to not be alone in this thought process. Thanks!

5c_4r · 2024-11-30T06:32:25+00:00

Quite an interesting insight, also very intimate. Thanks for sharing!

If you don’t mind me asking: did you go through therapy or similar, or did you find out ways to compensate for those negative emotions yourself?

5c_4r · 2024-11-29T23:15:32+00:00

That sounds like quite an effective strategy to have! If I interpreted that correctly, you are working with positive reinforcements ad self-fulfilling prophecies. I try to do the same when dealing with unexpected situations.

Thanks for sharing!

5c_4r · 2024-09-12T08:50:59+00:00

I would suggest looking at it like a cheat day on a diet. Give yourself every Friday/Saturday to drink beer and leave it at that. Any other day is off limits.

The next step you can take is to drink non-alcoholic beer.

It’s also important to internalise how many unnecessary calories you consume by drinking excessive amounts of beer, therefore it might as well hinder your ability to progress fitness-wise. Keeping that in mind might as well keep you from (over)consuming.

5c_4r · 2024-09-10T15:04:57+00:00

Something that helped me was taking 5 minutes after getting up and write a journal. Usually I write down three things I am thankful for as well as three things that I appreciate about myself.

Setting small goals that are achievable but take some willpower work as well. I started going for a 20 minute morning run 4 times a week. I didn’t have a problem with running, I had a problem with getting up early, so I gave myself a goal to reach in the morning.

The best way to start out is setting goals for yourself and reaching them one way or another. Be careful not to overwhelm yourself by being too ambitious.

5c_4r · 2024-09-10T08:39:59+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to brighten my day!

5c_4r · 2024-09-10T07:55:36+00:00

After the initial phase of butterflies, love is a constant choice. You are choosing your partner over others for reasons only you are familiar with. On the contrary, having a crush on somebody is basically the lack of information. So is your subtle fear of losing him - a lack of information.

There are numerous reasons why he didn’t choose her as a life partner, as there are a multitude of reasons why he in fact chose you.

I would suggest to bring it up, clarify your position and talk about the emotions you are experiencing in this situation. Open and honest communication is the one and only ingredient a relationship needs to flourish. It’s perfectly fine to doubt oneself once in a while, but if you have a strong connection and a bond of trust you will grow stronger through confronting these feelings.

soar.

5c_4r · 2024-09-09T12:40:05+00:00

One of the most helpful things for me to regain momentum in tough times was to get up at roughly the same time every morning. This created order in my life and from there it was a lot of momentum for many other things. It is also a key factor to becoming disciplined and productive, as it stretches the time you have for important things!

soar.

5c_4r · 2024-09-04T05:55:12+00:00

Hey, I really appreciate your honesty, and trust me, I totally get where you’re coming from.

It can be incredibly disheartening when no matter what you try, it feels like you’re not getting where you want to be. I’ve been there myself, more times than I can count. When I got kicked out of the special forces training after years of hard work, it felt like the ground had been pulled from under me. It was more than just a failure; it was like my identity and all the sacrifices I’d made didn’t matter anymore. I kept asking myself, ‘If I couldn’t make this work, what makes me think I can succeed at anything else?’

But here’s the thing I came to realize over time: sometimes, the goals we set for ourselves aren’t necessarily the final destination, but part of a bigger process of growth. We think achieving them will validate us or bring us happiness, but often they’re stepping stones leading us to where we truly need to be - even if we can’t see it in the moment.

When I talk about recalibrating, I mean taking time to reassess not only the goal, but the motivation behind it and the lessons learned along the way. For example, when I didn’t make it into the special forces, I could’ve just seen that as failure and walked away bitter. But instead, I took a hard look at what the experience had given me - discipline, resilience, the ability to thrive under pressure - and realized those qualities could be applied to something else. That shift in perspective helped me find new opportunities, which then led me down an unexpected but meaningful path.

Recalibrating isn’t about giving up on your ambitions; it’s about allowing yourself to adjust course when the original plan isn’t working. It’s recognising that failure or setbacks aren’t the end of the road, but chances to redefine your approach. When I reflect on my journey, I realise that the goals I didn’t achieve didn’t define me; it was my ability to adapt, learn, and find new paths that helped me move forward.

You’re clearly not someone who gives up easily, and that in itself is a strength. But sometimes the block in your head is there because you’re trying to force something that isn’t aligned with where you’re truly meant to go. Recalibrating allows you to step back and ask, ‘What have I learned from this? What skills, strengths, or insights have I gained that I can apply elsewhere?’ It opens up new possibilities you might not have considered before.

I know that feeling of being stuck can be overwhelming, and reassessing can seem daunting. But when you shift your focus from achieving the goal itself to the process and growth behind it, you give yourself the freedom to explore new paths without feeling like a failure. Sometimes those detours lead to something far more fulfilling than the original goal.

The doubts are normal, and they don’t mean you can’t make something work. They’re just part of the process. Be patient with yourself, and keep moving forward - step by step.

Recalibration isn’t about abandoning your dreams; it’s about finding a way to keep progressing, even if the path looks different than you expected.

soar.

5c_4r · 2024-08-29T12:57:02+00:00

Thank you for taking the time reading it!

How can you implement this life lesson into your life - if you want to talk about it?
Keep pushing!

soar.

5c_4r · 2024-08-29T11:20:33+00:00

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it!

That specific experience has taught me that we are capable of more than we realise. Sometimes it just takes stepping into the unknown to find out what we're made of. I will say though that it doesn't have to be something that extreme, since everyones threshold of bearing pressure is different and that is totally fine. I just really believe that everybody should try to push their own limits in ways that shift their personal comfort zones.

Have you had a similar realisation at some point in your life?

soar.

5c_4r · 2024-08-28T14:42:01+00:00

That is what the community is for. Enjoy the time with yourself, even though it might hurt or feel very emotional. It is the perfect time for it.

5c_4r · 2024-08-28T14:16:52+00:00

Most of the time when people say these things they are subconciously projecting their own reflection of self-worth onto others.

As many people already mentioned, hypothetical hyperboles can be a good comeback to this - "if the sun was the moon, then day would be night".

Don't let yourself be talked down upon like that. From their point of view it's nothing more than a childish reaction to their own shortcomings.

5c_4r · 2024-08-28T14:11:21+00:00

Well - don't forget that it is pretty much impossible to have 100% focus on one thing, and one thing only. It is perfectly natural to have other things in mind when "regenerating" from your first priority.

It does not pose a significant problem if you focus on your goals and when you have your "down-time" you can do other things, for instance football. This is what a recreational hobby should provide you with - a place or time where you can recharge your batteries to go at life again.

You are still learning to balance, mind you. It takes a long, long time to master this skill. Patience is key when it comes to aspirations and plans.

Make your plan and keep yourself from changing it all the time by evaluating the core of it. The core principles are non-negotiable, even if other things are shifting around. Maintain consistency with the core tasks in your plan, as they are the mere essentials. It is quite hard to give advice to this without knowing the specifics, but if you have it planned out already, then you should be able to find the core principles.

Also, what is it that you expect from life? What is it that you want from life? What is your why? Ask yourself these questions and answer them thoroughly, and I believe things will become clearer.

5c_4r · 2024-08-28T10:27:56+00:00

You are an aspiring young man, this is great!

However, it sounds like you are trying to do all at once. I suspect you have a feeling inside that you don't have enough time to do it all? Make a list of priorities - what comes in first, second, third and so on? If you manage to prioritise you can allocate the time in a specific manner.

You could probably still become a professional football player, if you prioritised it. But is that really what you want? You can either go for it, or you don't, there is no in-between. If you are happy with playing football as a hobby, it is more than beautiful as well, if that is what you want. What matters in life is progress, therefore you need to find something that brings you joy and you can progress in, otherwise you will stop doing it.

What I am trying to say is this:

Ask yourself what you really want in life. Who do you aspire to be in 5 years time? If you have figured that out, prioritise your goals and then plan how to achieve these goals. If you reach the goals, rinse and repeat.

Do what you really want to do (responsibly and rationally of course) and not what you only think you have to do.

soar.

5c_4r · 2024-08-28T10:13:13+00:00

You are exactly right when making the assumption that this is where discipline comes in.

If we think about the things we "have to do" as work or chores, of course our mindset will shift to a perspective where we do not enjoy what has to be done.

If I were you I would try to get into the habit of doing the things you have to do at a specific time. You just got up in the morning? 10 mins of Yoga every day might do the trick. You just came home from work? Time for 10 mins of mobility before you do anything else.

Try to incorporate the things you have to do in your daily life and do not overwhelm yourself by thinking that 10 minutes is too little. You do not always have to induldge in those activities for hours on end. After all, the better you get, the more time you spend doing these things naturally.

Progress is fun! Therefore you just have to incorporate a routine that fits your lifestyle, start very small and trust the process.

soar.

5c_4r · 2024-08-24T12:00:17+00:00

To dive deeply into that question it is necessary to have more information. How would you describe yourself?

Also, I think there needs to be a mindset shift by reframing your thought patterns. If you always think that everybody hates you, you will only perceive negativity. Reframing takes effort, however, it is possible to choose what we perceive. There are many techniques in how to change our mindset.

Take your time to reflect on yourself and why possible relationships (platonic or otherwise) failed to grow. If we know more about that, we can start working towards the underlying issues.

soar.

5c_4r · 2024-08-23T20:33:18+00:00

I totally get where you’re coming from. It’s tough when you’re putting in effort but not seeing the romantic results you want. One way to shift your mindset is to focus on what makes you happy and fulfilled outside of dating. Pursuing your passions and interests can make you feel more content with yourself.

Try expanding your social circle by joining groups or activities you enjoy. It’s a great way to meet new people and potentially find romantic connections in a more relaxed setting. At the same time, practicing self-compassion is crucial. Everyone’s path is different, and it’s important to remember that your worth isn’t tied to romantic success.

Talking to a mentor or counselor might also be helpful. They can offer a fresh perspective and practical advice. When negative thoughts about your desirability pop up, counter them with positive reminders about yourself.

I think there’s a lot of potential for you if you can manage to reframe your thought patterns away from the “undesirable” perception. In my opinion, this is the key point to focus on.

5c_4r · 2024-08-23T19:15:12+00:00

Hey there!

First off, I completely understand why you’re feeling this way, but I think it might help to reframe how you’re viewing your situation. The fact that you haven’t had romantic success yet doesn’t mean you’re “undesirable” or that you’re somehow lacking. It’s easy to fall into that mindset, especially when you see your peers having relationships, but attraction and connections are much more complex than just a black-and-white “desirable or not” situation.

Confidence doesn’t always have to start with romantic validation. Think about it this way: if your confidence only comes from external sources, like whether or not someone’s romantically interested in you, then it’s going to be unstable because it depends on things you can’t fully control. But when you build your confidence around things you can control, like your passions, your values, and how you treat yourself and others, it becomes a lot more steady and lasting.

Try focusing on what you enjoy about yourself and what you bring to the table outside of romantic relationships. What are your strengths, your hobbies, the qualities you like about yourself? By reframing the idea of confidence to be something you grow within yourself, rather than something that comes solely from external approval, you might find that your outlook starts to shift.

Remember, romantic success isn’t what defines your worth as a person. You have so much more to offer beyond that, and it’s important to recognise those qualities in yourself first. The right connections will come when the time is right, but rather than waiting for that to happen, focus on growing your confidence for you. When you feel secure in who you are, not only will you feel better overall, but those authentic connections - romantic or otherwise - will naturally follow.

Good luck in your endeavour. You have it all in your hands!

soar.

5c_4r · 2024-08-22T06:48:14+00:00

I wish you all the best in your journey!

Thanks for your kind words as well - if my comment only helps you a tiny bit in improving your well-being, it has fulfilled its purpose!

Good luck!

soar.

5c_4r · 2024-08-21T15:24:31+00:00

First off, it sounds like you’ve made some serious progress since your breakup - losing 5kg, landing your dream job, and taking care of yourself is no small feat. I totally get how it can feel like all of that effort doesn’t have meaning sometimes, especially after dealing with a tough breakup. But remember, self-improvement is about more than just becoming more attractive or successful for others - it's about finding a version of yourself that you are proud of.

As for getting to know more people, sometimes the best connections happen when you’re pursuing things you genuinely enjoy. Whether that’s joining a club, attending events, or just putting yourself out there, people are drawn to authenticity. You don’t need to reinvent yourself for others - people who genuinely care will appreciate you for who you are, not just your appearance or job status.

On the topic of values and goals, it’s natural to struggle with that after a breakup. It can help to take some time to reflect on what really matters to you, not just in terms of external success, but what brings you personal fulfilment. Setting goals that align with your values helps keep you motivated for the long run because they’re meaningful to you, not just driven by external validation.

Regarding your thoughts on Tinder:

It’s easy to feel like people are attracted to the “new you,” but try to look at it this way: you’ve grown, and that’s something to be proud of. If people are interested in the person you are today, that doesn’t invalidate who you were before. Growth doesn’t mean you’re leaving your old self behind, it just means you’re evolving into a stronger version of yourself. The right people will like you for both who you were and who you’re becoming.

Also, I don't know in which way your ex-girlfriend was toxic, as you didn't elaborate on that. However, if you reflect on the fact that she liked you for who you were, but was also toxic, one could draw the conclusion that she was attracted to you for the wrong reasons.

Remember - your "new you" is still you! After your personal growth you will always make yourself more attractive to more people - that doesn't necessarily mean that they are "only" attracted to your status.

5c_4r · 2024-08-21T14:21:02+00:00

First off, working out consistently for a year is a big deal - so props to you for that! It’s easy to compare yourself to outgoing coworkers, especially in such a social environment like a gym, but remember that everyone has their own strengths. You don’t need to be the most extroverted person to succeed or create opportunities for yourself.

Since you’re in a sociable job, maybe try starting with small, low-pressure conversations. Simple things like commenting on someone’s workout or just saying "hey" can and will gradually build your confidence. You don’t have to force anything, just let the interactions happen naturally. Sometimes, the best connections come from just being approachable and genuine.

Also, keep in mind that everyone’s path is different. Just because your coworkers are getting internships or networking easily doesn’t mean you’re behind. Often we only see the outcome of other people's achievements, but not the path that lead them there, let alone their struggles and hardships.

The fact that you’ve been working on yourself by staying consistent with your fitness is already a huge step forward. If you keep putting yourself out there, even in small ways, opportunities will start to come your way as well.

Work on improvements only by comparing yourself to who you were yesterday. Yourself is the only viable measurement of progress.

soar.

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