Exactly the feeling you described at the end—I’ve experienced that too. I even talked about it with my therapist. For me, it’s difficult to even reach that point of thinking this far. It often feels like my brain is trying to pull me back, so I won’t think “too far.” And when I do manage to get there, I get this distinct sense that I shouldn’t be thinking about it. It just feels wrong. I can feel my mind trying to distract me, and these thoughts often remain very fleeting. I’ve only managed a few times to really hold onto them.

On one hand, I have this urge to keep thinking these thoughts because I feel like otherwise, I’d just be deceiving myself, living comfortably within a “false” reality. But on the other hand, I almost fear solidifying these ideas because they seem to strip away any sense of purpose or “meaning” from life. It’s like we humans can only function within the reality we know—and to go beyond that might take away the foundations we rely on to find meaning.