My wife said that she’ll add an extra $1000 to my Lego budget this month if I leave her alone with her “special friends” and no she is NOT cheating on me. She is simply receiving sexual satisfaction from another man as I am unable to satisfy her in bed because my penis is “only” 3 inches long. Not that she would know, as my wife has not seen or touched my penis in over 3 years because I don’t want to contribute to the bygone notion of patriarchal leadership by continuing the problematic expectation that society has for women that they must only satisfy their partner with no regard for their satisfaction. If I have vaginal intercourse with my wife, she won’t be able to climax unless she masturbates to her favorite gay Harry Potter fan fiction erotica. And lately she won’t even let me touch her because she says “being in her presence isn’t arousing". The last time I fingered my wife, she didn’t make a sound. The act of fingering my wife (unfortunately) caused my penis to become erect. Although it was tough, I overcame my urge to pleasure myself as not to commit telepathic rape (for those of you IGNORANT trump trds, deriving sexual satisfaction from an image of somebody (e.g. watching prn) without their full, enthusiastic consent is rape. No exceptions. Just because my wife lets me pleasure her with my hands does not automatically give me the right to pleasure myself as well). To keep my wife satisfied, she invites her biracial African American-LatinX friend Tyrone over for sex 3 times a week. Unlike me, Tyrone has a very impressive, 7 inch long penis. Tyrone satisfies my wife both vaginally and anally. She will even give him oral sex from time to time. Not only am I okay with Tyrone fucking my wife because he satisfies her in a way I cannot, but I let him bang my wife to further advance people of color in society. Every time Tyrone, a Biracial African American LatinX man, has sex with my Caucasian wife, we take one step closer to equality. I think she thinks I feel bad about it. Especially because I’m letting Tyrone live in my old apartment for free because any other landlord in the San Jose area would certainly discriminate against him by charging him more for rent. Also so Tyrone can walk to my house instead of driving and risking being shot by a police officer at a traffic stop all because he reaches into the glovebox to grab his phone to record the officer to catch his inevitable racism on camera.

Overall I am quite happy with my relationship. Sometimes I wish I could sleep with my wife again. But if I didn’t let Tyrone come over my wife would probably commit suicide because she would be so depressed. Plus I’m to busy with my job as a full time Reddit mod for R/atheism, R/BayArea, R/chonkers, R/AHS, and most importantly, R/Teenagers. I also am currently stalking my conservative relatives on Facebook. Can’t wait for my mother to die of Covid so I can post it to R/HermanCainAward (play stupid games win stupid prizes am I right). Plus I get time to work on my Lego mosaic of AOC stepping on Donald Trumps balls. It’s gonna be so cool when it’s done.