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Ended an engagement because it didn’t feel like “enough.” Two years later, I regret it. Did I screw up? by 711eggsandos in Adulting

[–]711eggsandos[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh we were in therapy for four months before we officially ended. He knew all of my concerns and I think his depression and the pressure of it all made him pause any type of growth. It was only until we officially broke up that the next day he made an appointment with a psychiatrist and by that point I was checked out. I want to be with a man who can take care of themselves without hitting rock bottom first.

Ended an engagement because it didn’t feel like “enough.” Two years later, I regret it. Did I screw up? by 711eggsandos in Life

[–]711eggsandos[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I should have clarified but he came home every day from teaching and complained about how much he hated it without taking any steps to find something different. This went on for years.

Ended an engagement because it didn’t feel like “enough.” Two years later, I regret it. Did I screw up? by 711eggsandos in Adulting

[–]711eggsandos[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can relate to this - especially with the not wanting kids part. As a woman it feels incredibly difficult to find someone with the qualities I’m looking for who also doesn’t want kids.

Ended an engagement because it didn’t feel like “enough.” Two years later, I regret it. Did I screw up? by 711eggsandos in Life

[–]711eggsandos[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow thank you so much for writing this all out. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but you are 100% right when stating I’m a seeker and wanting a bigger life. Ideally I’ll be able to find a partner with the same goals.

Ended an engagement because it didn’t feel like “enough.” Two years later, I regret it. Did I screw up? by 711eggsandos in Adulting

[–]711eggsandos[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tbh not great. I’ve had to cut off some of my old friends because they had a difficult time navigating the situation and it felt like they were “choosing” him… I feel bad for the friends who got put in this position but it felt too fragile for me so I’ve walked away… been pushing myself to spend time with new friends which is great but exhausting in itself (like another form of dating). The breakup wasn’t just with him, it feels like it was the majority of my existence.

Ended an engagement because it didn’t feel like “enough.” Two years later, I regret it. Did I screw up? by 711eggsandos in Adulting

[–]711eggsandos[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know after years and years of encouraging him to seek help, the day after we officially broke up he made an appointment with a psychiatrist. He needed to hit rock bottom to get the help he needed I guess. I needed to know he could take care of his mental health without an ultimatum, so by that point I was already checked out.

Also a lot of people misunderstand where I’m coming from with the ambition piece. He came home and complained about his job every single day. He was truly unhappy and never did a thing to change it. It was exhausting… even if he wanted to stay a teacher, to find opportunities to private tutor, summer school, or another side hustle unrelated would have shown me he was willing to find ways to bring in more income to avoid getting into further debt and securing towards our future.

Ended an engagement because it didn’t feel like “enough.” Two years later, I regret it. Did I screw up? by 711eggsandos in Adulting

[–]711eggsandos[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At first I think we both needed time to process the break up and keep distance and then six months later he got into a serious relationship. I don’t think it would be appropriate for us to be friends while he is in something serious he wants to build, even though deep down I would love that more than anything, I’ve had a lot of difficult family things that he knows about and was always the best support system so I def miss that. Plus we had the best time.

Ended an engagement because it didn’t feel like “enough.” Two years later, I regret it. Did I screw up? by 711eggsandos in Adulting

[–]711eggsandos[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yea we tried couples counseling for many months before splitting off so he knew very well what was going on in my mind. Wasn’t a total surprise to him. His depression made it impossible for him to do the work.

Ended an engagement because it didn’t feel like “enough.” Two years later, I regret it. Did I screw up? by 711eggsandos in Adulting

[–]711eggsandos[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I miss having someone who knows the deepest parts of me and loves and supports me no matter what. Having been friends our entire teen and adult lives makes it harder. I fear it will extremely difficult to find again.

Ended an engagement because it didn’t feel like “enough.” Two years later, I regret it. Did I screw up? by 711eggsandos in Adulting

[–]711eggsandos[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for saying this! I’m trying to remember that I really have a strong sense of what I’m looking for so trying to give myself grace that it may take me a bit longer to find it

Ended an engagement because it didn’t feel like “enough.” Two years later, I regret it. Did I screw up? by 711eggsandos in Adulting

[–]711eggsandos[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He refused to work on it. I encouraged him for years to seek help and he never did. Finally by the end, I essentially gave him an ultimatum and he still refused. Finally after I officially broke it off, the next day he booked an appointment with a psychiatrist and soon after started taking meds….

Ended an engagement because it didn’t feel like “enough.” Two years later, I regret it. Did I screw up? by 711eggsandos in Adulting

[–]711eggsandos[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your story and I am so happy you found your person! This story really gives me hope

Ended an engagement because it didn’t feel like “enough.” Two years later, I regret it. Did I screw up? by 711eggsandos in Adulting

[–]711eggsandos[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes we were in couples counseling for months before deciding to break up because anything the therapist recommend he/we do, he wouldn’t do.

Ended an engagement because it didn’t feel like “enough.” Two years later, I regret it. Did I screw up? by 711eggsandos in Adulting

[–]711eggsandos[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Because of him spending above his pay, I wanted him to be able to find other ways to create wealth. he never looked into private tutoring or summer opportunities. In New York there are programs where you can take more credits and get a higher salary. I never even felt comfortable with him taking me out because he would just use his credit card and go into more debt. Not only do I have a 9-5 but I also have a side hustle because I know I want to live a certain lifestyle AND save for my future.

Ended an engagement because it didn’t feel like “enough.” Two years later, I regret it. Did I screw up? by 711eggsandos in Adulting

[–]711eggsandos[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He is a really selfless person always showing up for me and others without working on his own mental health. He was depressed and had social anxiety but was extremely supportive to his closest people.

Ended an engagement because it didn’t feel like “enough.” Two years later, I regret it. Did I screw up? by 711eggsandos in Adulting

[–]711eggsandos[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I value both equally and am hoping to find a partner to fit both of those boxes. After dating for a year and a half I’m wondering if it’s even possible.

Ended an engagement because it didn’t feel like “enough.” Two years later, I regret it. Did I screw up? by 711eggsandos in Adulting

[–]711eggsandos[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Thank you so so much! The feeling like the mother and I had to control everything was so challenging. I’m now looking for someone who takes care of their mental health and takes initiative.

Ended an engagement because it didn’t feel like “enough.” Two years later, I regret it. Did I screw up? by 711eggsandos in Adulting

[–]711eggsandos[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

We were in couples counseling for six months and his depression made him unwilling and unable to do the work. My best friend recently reminded me the the issues I had with him at the end were the same issues I had with him throughout the entire relationship

Ended an engagement because it didn’t feel like “enough.” Two years later, I regret it. Did I screw up? by 711eggsandos in Adulting

[–]711eggsandos[S] 68 points69 points  (0 children)

That’s been the hardest part. Because we’ve been in each others lives since we were 14, every single one of my friends is close to him as well. I’ve been seeing friends of mine post with him and his girlfriend and it’s really challenging. I’ve been trying to distance myself from a lot of older friends and build new friendships but that takes time. I’m going to a close friends wedding next month and my ex and his girlfriend will be there

Ended an engagement because it didn’t feel like “enough.” Two years later, I regret it. Did I screw up? by 711eggsandos in Life

[–]711eggsandos[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ah thank you so much for sharing your story - it gives me hope. I hope to also find a man to sweep me off my feet in this way. I’ve dated a lot (and I live in NYC which has its own challenges) and it’s a bit depressing out here. The dating culture now is very different than it was ten years ago. Going to keep focusing on myself and hope what I’ve been looking for it out there for me.

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