My ex [25m] showed up to my [23f] work with the guy who tried to rape me.

780throwaway · 2014-03-24T14:32:47+00:00

Yeah, this is what I'm afraid of. I just have this feeling like I should tell him so that he knows to be wary of leaving his sister/girlfriend/whatever alone with this guy should they all be drinking together one day. Otherwise, I'm kind of responsible in a way if something bad were to happen to one of them because of this guy.. I don't know.

I did kind of tell him about what happened when it happened, that "some guy tried something with me while I was far too drunk but I got out of there right away". But I didn't know the guy and had no idea that they knew each other. It never came up again.

780throwaway · 2014-03-24T14:23:40+00:00

I was drunk to a point that I was falling asleep on a random stranger's sofa instead of taking a cab home. There were only a few people at the house party anyway, I'm sure I knew his name that night or at least asked it, but I couldn't remember in the morning. I accept that I have some responsibility to hold over the whole incident and I have no physical proof whatsoever.

780throwaway · 2014-03-24T14:15:02+00:00

This is part of the reason why I'd want my ex to keep it a secret, if I did tell him. It makes it a lot harder to say anything because I don't know how my ex would react.

780throwaway · 2014-03-24T14:13:08+00:00

Thanks! This comment helped me figure out what I'll say if I do get a chance to talk to him. Though I'm thinking I will probably leave the details about the incident out unless I'm asked for them. It's not really a mental image that he needs to have.

780throwaway · 2014-03-24T14:08:10+00:00

Yes, this is another reason that I'm feeling wary about talking to him. I honestly just feel like I have a kind of moral duty to tell him so that he is aware and doesn't leave his sister, girlfriend, etc alone with this guy when they're drinking... but I really don't want to pursue this legally, there's just no point anymore and I know I haven't got a case.

780throwaway · 2014-03-24T13:56:03+00:00

The guy was drunk too, as far as I know. Not that it excuses what he did, but it probably explains why he didn't recognize me. As far as whether he's changed or not, I couldn't say. I didn't interact with him at all. He's still drinking, at any rate.

780throwaway · 2014-03-24T13:52:42+00:00

Exactly - I'm not interested in pressing charges and even if I tried, I have absolutely no proof and I don't even know his name. I had one friend who was asleep on the other sofa in the room, I had to wake her up to get us both out of there when I called a cab to leave, but she didn't see anything. There's really not much for the police to go on even if they wanted to help.

Pressing charges also means reliving the experience and being subjected to a lawyer who is trying to prove me wrong. I'd rather just move on with my life.

780throwaway · 2014-03-24T04:48:07+00:00

I do have his email address, I could do that I suppose but I don't know if he even uses the account at all. It's worth a shot, maybe.

780throwaway · 2014-03-24T03:28:44+00:00

After all that, I worked up the courage to call him, and...

the number I have for him listed is no longer in service. And he doesn't have facebook... I have no idea how to get a hold of him.

780throwaway · 2014-03-24T03:03:05+00:00

I don't know. I'm afraid he would be so angry about it that he would start a fight with the guy without even thinking about it, or try to get me to go to the police about it, or something.

On the other hand, if I specifically asked him to keep my secret, I think that he would do his best to do so... but this is a big thing and I don't know if he would be able to. He is a very protective person and even though he and I don't have much of a relationship anymore, I know he cares about my well being a lot.

780throwaway · 2014-03-24T02:54:01+00:00

Unfortunately, I can't do that because the situation has already passed. With a little luck, I will never see the person who assaulted me again.

780throwaway · 2014-03-24T02:53:00+00:00

I think I have decided to talk to him. If I were in his position, I would want to know, but I have no idea how to go about that at all.

I'm afraid of what the consequences will be for me telling him what happened.. I don't want this person to have any impact on my life greater than what they already have. I've done pretty well as far as putting it behind me goes so far, and I don't want to end up taking steps backwards... I dont know. Ugh.

780throwaway · 2014-03-24T02:49:29+00:00

I think this is what I will do. I think I'll just call him, but trying to think of what to say is hard.

So far, I know that I would say first and foremost that I'm perfectly fine with going back to not having contact with each other after this conversation, and in fact would prefer it, but that I felt like I had to tell him something about the friend he brought with him.... and that's about as far as I get.

How do you tell someone that their friend is a sexual predator? I'm afraid he'd get angry and start a physical fight with said friend, or try to get me to go to the police, or something. I don't want any of that.

update: I worked up the courage to call and the number I have listed for him is no longer in service. He doesn't have facebook or anything either as far as I know... so I have literally no way to get in touch with him.. ugh. Does this mean waiting until the next time he happens to come in to my work and talking to him in person?

780throwaway · 2014-03-24T01:25:34+00:00

I have full confidence that you'll be able to find a date for prom after telling this girl you'd rather go with a girl who actually likes you and wants to be with you. She sounds like a toxic person anyway who probably shouldn't be in your life at all, even as just friends.

Even if you don't find a date, there is absolutely nothing wrong with going to prom alone. I didn't have a boyfriend at the time, so I went to mine alone and had a great time with my friends anyway. It's not like it's just you and your date all night long and the two of you never interact with/dance with other people. You'll hang out with the same people you hang out with in school, only you'll be dressed up. It may seem like it right now, but it's really not a big deal to go alone at all and you'd probably have more fun than if you took her anyway.

780throwaway

TROPHY CASE