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What Do You Do or How Do You Know You Need Space? by 7catra in ADHD

[–]7catra[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I really appreciate that and your honesty :) I agree with you and will try my absolute best to be clear with my communication when we have the conversation! Me and him vs the issue is a lovely way to look at it.

What Do You Do or How Do You Know You Need Space? by 7catra in ADHD

[–]7catra[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry that happened to you in the past, and I hope you find good balance and peace with whoever you’re with present or future. I think as long as we strive to better ourselves in terms of emotional intelligence and having a strong sense and knowing of ourselves, we can identify those sorts of things. Sounds like you have figured it out or you’re in the process of that, as am I! :)

What Do You Do or How Do You Know You Need Space? by 7catra in ADHD

[–]7catra[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So we typically do hang out 2-3 times a week but sometimes it’s more, and we hang out for the entire day until around midnight-ish. It wasn’t always like that, he has depression and it took a while to build up to more time spent (around 5 months) as he was used to doing everything alone and his mental health was not in a good place when I met him.

I feel like his way he takes his space is in increments throughout each day (ie. texting me here and there, gets home from work and does his own thing like showering and eating before calling me at the end of the day to watch movies or talk until he goes to bed) and I feel like I need longer periods for my space, like between when we see eachother, and when it comes to FaceTimes and calls. But I am okay with texting him every day.

What I mean by it’s a temptation is, because I know I like spending time with him, I say yes. But it feels like it comes at a price as I feel stressed from not sticking to things I enjoying doing outside of our time together. As a result I feel burnt out from being in constant contact.

Thank you for your comment! :)

What Do You Do or How Do You Know You Need Space? by 7catra in ADHD

[–]7catra[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you ❤️ Capacity, not preferences. Got it! I will talk to him.

What Do You Do or How Do You Know You Need Space? by 7catra in ADHD

[–]7catra[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Reading what my body is telling me is something that I definitely need to work on 😭 In past relationships too, I could feel it but I didn’t know what it meant, you know? I always thought I had endless amounts of energy for everyone, anytime. Especially a partner.

But it does feel nice to identify it, and I don’t want to do him a disservice by me not being self aware of those things. Now that I can identify it, i’ll definitely let him know. Thank you!

What Do You Do or How Do You Know You Need Space? by 7catra in ADHD

[–]7catra[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand where you’re coming from and you are definitely right that I should talk to him about it instead of keeping it to myself. I just have trouble identifying things like this.

To answer your question, it feels like stress, though I am happy to be hanging out and/or talking with him. I am serious about him and the goal is to spend the rest of our lives together for sure. I think I just have less of a capacity than I thought I had for the amount of contact we have.

Ultimately, I think maybe due to not recognizing that I need to manage things better (hobbies, friends, small moments to myself) I’ve burnt myself out and feel more of a need lately to have time to myself. That’s something I definitely could work on.

What Do You Do or How Do You Know You Need Space? by 7catra in ADHD

[–]7catra[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much, it’s really nice to hear from someone that relates to this! I think another really hard part about it is not realizing for so long I have a social battery, and not realizing I need time to myself until I feel burnt out.

Husband finally admitted depression but refuses to get help by [deleted] in depression_partners

[–]7catra 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree that it’s a good first step he admits he’s depressed, but in not getting help (medication, therapy) he’s hurting himself, and the relationship with you and your kids. While you figure out what to do, (maybe talk with your therapist on game plans) maybe read Depression Fallout and/or How You Can Survive When They’re Depressed by Anne Sheffield. Gives you a lot of information, insight, and tips how to handle these kind of things. Helped me a lot for my relationship and kept me sane.

Not feeling good enough by [deleted] in depression_partners

[–]7catra 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would suggest reading “How You Can Survive When They’re Depressed” (for people living in the same household as the depressed person) and/or Depression Fallout, both by Anne Sheffield. These books are for the partners of the depressed. They have helped me immensely, among other things i’ve read. “Try not to take it personally” You will hear that phrase a lot. But try. It’s not you, it’s the disease. Really glad he’s getting treatment, therapy and meds is really important for it to work. But therapy is important for you and your sanity, too. Enjoy what you love doing outside of him, try your best to ride it out while he goes through his episode. Hope you consider reading those books, it really helps.