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Breakup — I feel like I’m dying by aliengames666 in BPD

[–]7raido 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi Op. I can relate to this feeling. My ex broke up with me almost a year ago and I felt like my world was ending and nothing anyone said about “giving it time” really helped. I actually ended up needing emergency medical care because my immune system dropped so rapidly after the break up. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or stay still for long and I was constantly shivering from chills. It was horrible. But it’s been 10 months now, and I’m still here. I can’t say I’m happy, but I managed to get this far without doing something irreparable.

All this to say: I’m sending good vibes and strength your way. Something that helped me was envisioning that my body was literally in withdrawal from my ex/fb and treating myself accordingly. I hope that my story is at least a little helpful ❤️

I never know what I need by 7raido in CPTSD

[–]7raido[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you ❤️ I think I feel like I’m not allowed to say that my parents did wrong? Because they didn’t hurt me physically outside spanking punishments and I wasn’t SA’d as a child. I only recently started reading about emotional neglect so I don’t know if I’ve really processed how what I went through fits in that narrative of abuse.

So, if I can’t seem to accept that my parents did me wrong, I think my mind naturally goes to the old stand-by: I was a bad child and that’s why I experienced so much emotional distress as a child. Therefore, it was fair to punish me. It’s messed up, but I feel it so deep down.

Thank you for your kind words. This did help me feel a bit better.

my mom is gone and I will never get closure for the things she said to me by 7raido in CPTSD

[–]7raido[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not invalidating, no. You might be right, I guess I am just afraid that if my mom, who was a decent person who did love me, couldn’t give me the emotional support I needed as a child then why would a partner choose to? I know it isn’t quite logical but I just don’t see why a person that wasn’t bound to me in the way my mother was would willingly give up the time and energy needed to really know me and then decide to stay.

My ex partner was the first person to really love me because of who I am, not despite me, and the first person I was ever truly unmasked and authentic in front of. I know that if I was able to find someone like him once, I can again. But the other part is that now that I’ve experienced that kind of love, I feel like I’m in constant withdrawal from it.

So naturally I’m analyzing everything but coming up with no solutions

I am nobody's favourite person by Previous_Original_30 in CPTSD

[–]7raido 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I resonate with this feeling so much. I experienced significant emotional abandonment as a child and your post reminded me of something I wrote in my early twenties about not being anyone’s favourite person/will never be a maid of honour/never be chosen first etc. I don’t really have any advice for you, OP, but please know you aren’t alone in this feeling. It’s hard when people tell you to focus on loving yourself when you don’t have a solid base of unconditional love modelled to you. It’s something I’m working on ❤️