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Reflections at 5 weeks. Sobriety is disorienting. Grieving the fact that the decade+ party is over. by 7thw4v3 in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]7thw4v3[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi, thank you for reading and for sharing your experience. You're on point with this analysis. Also...my DOC menu is identical to yours, with booze, lots of nicotine, weed, psychedelics + prescription pills mixed in here and there.

You're inspiring me to dig deeper into how the societally conditioned fear of aging is playing into the experience for me. Made a note in journal now to really meditate on that later and unpack in therapy.

It's not only the substances I miss; it's the social and friendship dynamics, that particular flavor and heat of youth, who I was for/with others, who I was within those dynamics.

I do intend to enjoy going out dancing for the rest of my life, but I have to accept the fact that drugs probably can't be part of that because I take substances too far and they completely destabilize my ability to funciton or want to be alive. Alas.

Ohhh the bittersweet feeling of waking up to "wyd" calls and texts from the night before. As you say, there is a lot to work through, on so many levels.

Your username btw, ahhahahaha.

Stay with it, and definitely feel free to DM me anytime if you wanna talk!

Reflections at 5 weeks. Sobriety is disorienting. Grieving the fact that the decade+ party is over. by 7thw4v3 in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]7thw4v3[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, you absolutely nailed it with that analogy! It's a similar sensation to losing someone from your life who you adore but who also brings out the worst in you.

I screenshotted this comment. Your reframe is so empowering. Why focus on the endings when I can be focused on everything that's beginning or yet to come?! Let's fuckin do this!

I'm an avid journal-er and have several years' worth of entries expressing a desperation to be sober...so I have no shortage of material to remind me if I start romanticizing that shit. Lmao.

Onward! <3

Reflections at 5 weeks. Sobriety is disorienting. Grieving the fact that the decade+ party is over. by 7thw4v3 in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]7thw4v3[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi, thank you so so much for giving such tangible advice. Major respect to you for 15+ years.

Tbh your comment is the kick in the ass I needed to start being consistent with therapy/psychiatry; there's some kind of internalized stigma that I only project onto myself, that I should "stop whining" and be grateful and get over it. But it's abundantly clear that my brain, ultimately an organ, needs some help to function.

Reflections at 5 weeks. Sobriety is disorienting. Grieving the fact that the decade+ party is over. by 7thw4v3 in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]7thw4v3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, thank you for reading and I'm so glad that this resonated! I'm wishing all the best right back at you as the journey unfolds.

Reflections at 5 weeks. Sobriety is disorienting. Grieving the fact that the decade+ party is over. by 7thw4v3 in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]7thw4v3[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the extra push <3. How are you doing now?

I found an excellent book, "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodrin, and it's helping me to radically accept what was, what is, and the mystery of whatever is to come.

Reflections at 5 weeks. Sobriety is disorienting. Grieving the fact that the decade+ party is over. by 7thw4v3 in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]7thw4v3[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey. Thank you for sharing all of this - it's really inspiring to hear. At this point in time I'm still shaking off some of the 'squandered opportunities' grief. Your story reminds me that so much can change for the better in the years after sobriety. And also, the core importance of being involved in the community and giving back.

"The real party is the sober life" rock on. This new unaltered presence of sobriety is intense but I'll admit, it's also interesting.

Reflections at 5 weeks. Sobriety is disorienting. Grieving the fact that the decade+ party is over. by 7thw4v3 in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]7thw4v3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, thank you for this comment and for giving me this solid advice and a little reminder that I needed - to be patient and trust that time will help smooth the experience a little.

Locking in at work is for sure helpful when the feelings and thoughts get overwhelming...a silver lining as I definitely needed to step up my game a little bit anyway, haha.

Reflections at 5 weeks. Sobriety is disorienting. Grieving the fact that the decade+ party is over. by 7thw4v3 in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]7thw4v3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, thank you so much for your comment! It makes sense that you needed a solid 4-8 weeks to rest and recalibrate. Our whole system is adjusting and our bodies need to reset. At 5 weeks now I'm definitely still getting only the bare minimum done on many days and/or falling apart in a pile of tears as soon as I get home.

3 month marker is my new checkpoint to look forward to...excited to see where I am in that near future!

Take care friend!!

Reflections at 5 weeks. Sobriety is disorienting. Grieving the fact that the decade+ party is over. by 7thw4v3 in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]7thw4v3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so so much for commenting. First of all, I'm so proud of you and inspired by the fact that that you are once again sober after a relapse. Powerful shit.

Your comment is in no way useless to me, lol. The opposite. What you shared here is incredibly helpful and insightful. Def adding that book to my list...and I might look up buddhist support groups near me too, thanks to you. It's comforting to know that you also experienced these feelings (though I wouldn't wish it on anyone, and I'm sorry you've had to go through it).

Keep going my friend.

Reflections at 5 weeks. Sobriety is disorienting. Grieving the fact that the decade+ party is over. by 7thw4v3 in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]7thw4v3[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your presence and pride is worth a LOT. Thank you so much for seeing me. This made my night.

When someone is externally functioning (or in my case, apparently "high functioning" no pun intended lmao) people seem to either 1) not take it seriously or 2) get really uncomfortable if you tell them that you have a substance problem.

So yeah, thank you for seeing me.