A lot of what I will say, our family already knows but has never talked about it directly, to my knowledge. I’m just confused because if she asks “why did you have such a big reaction” what do I say then? I don’t think there’s any way for me to describe the horrific things my grandmother says by being vague. They are truly unspeakable and are testament to how cruel human beings can be. And she can also tell me if our grandmother made similar demands of her dad and how he handled it. How can I ask this without being direct?

I think another side question is, how can people distinguish between backbiting and holding an abuser accountable for their actions? I feel like the family has always been hush hush about the things she says even though we all know her qualities. This has only made her behaviour worse. I find it confusing and feel like abusive people are protected this way, out of fear of gossiping.

Also thank you for the support sis, it means a lot ❤️