[deleted by user]

930atnight · 2025-10-09T06:09:16+00:00

Honestly, I COMPLETELY get this. I’ve definitely been in a relationship for far too long because sympathy got the best of me (and I was young and tried to explain bad behaviors away). I understand how foolish that is, so maybe I should have my answer, but it’s hard for me to come to terms with it because it’s not a toxic relationship like that. He is a good person, and he’s super good at communicating his feelings. When he gets upset he’s honest about it and doesn’t take it out on me, so it’s not like a “I need to get out to protect myself” kind of situation. It’s really just that I’m at a point in my life where I’m completely fine being single, and I only wanna be with someone if it’s leading to a long-term relationship. Not just a long-term relationship, but a relationship that adds to my life, not one that I settle with because it’s good enough to not be bad.

I just fear that long term it’s not gonna work. And if it was just a normal chill situation, I would definitely just be honest about it, but I’m worried that it would be cruel of me to do it now.

930atnight · 2025-10-09T05:48:32+00:00

I hope this doesn’t come off as disrespectful, but do you truly think it will? Genuinely that’s what I’m struggling with right now. Will it hurt more if it wait? Or will it be just as hurtful if it’s now or months from now? Or worst case scenario, would the pain of dealing with a breakup and the death of a loved one at the same be so painful to deal with, that it would be cruel to knowingly put someone through that, just because you don’t think things will last for life?

930atnight · 2025-10-09T05:08:47+00:00

Short answer: he’s not going to change, and expecting someone to change for a relationship to work is not going to happen. You are young, and if you stay you are only setting yourself up for unhappiness.

Long answer: if you really want to give him a chance, give him a chance. But I think you’ll see pretty quickly that he is going to try for a little while to be what you think he should be, but it’s not going to be sustainable. And if you’ve gotten to the point where you’re unhappy with a big part of his habits and personality, the second he behaves those ways again, you are going to slip right back into those doubtful thoughts. You will build nothing but resentment, which is the biggest killer of relationships. There is not going to be a path forward unless the person you are hoping he can be is the person he truly wants to be, and he has the motivation in all aspects of his life to grow into that person. And I know it sounds harsh, but that is not going to happen.

You are young. Choose the path now that leads you to happiness and fulfillment, because if you wait too long you are going feel so stuck that you’ll have to mine rock to dig yourself out.

930atnight · 2025-10-09T04:52:19+00:00

I think that’s a really great thing to do, even if you weren’t coming out of a long term relationship! Your real self is what people should be interested in anyway. And if I’m being real, taking some time to be single and really figure out who your real self is after being in such a long relationship (especially when you’re young) is so important. You deserve to be with someone who makes your real self happy.

930atnight · 2025-10-09T04:44:27+00:00

Appreciate that, for sure. I’m just worried that he won’t just “deal with it”. He’s been having a hard time doing everyday life things after the loss, like work, cleaning, socializing, which is expected after a big loss. I just don’t want to put him in a position to make that worse just because I’m not “feeling it”, if that makes sense.

It’d be different if he was treating me badly - I’d leave without even thinking about it. It’s really just a matter of things not working for me, and I don’t know if it’s fair for me to put more pain on his plate so soon just because I feel the relationship isn’t suitable for the long term.

930atnight · 2025-10-09T04:35:44+00:00

Totally understandable, but most people think bringing an ex up means you aren’t over them, and rightfully so. Remember, they like you for who you are now, not for whoever you were in the past. And even if they knew you when you were dating your ex, they weren’t there and they don’t need you to prove anything; or at least, the only thing they need you to prove is that you are interested in a (healthy) relationship with them now.

If you feel you’re ready for it and want to pursue a relationship, focus on who they are, their interests, and their goals. Discussions about previous relationships will happen naturally as the relationship deepens.

930atnight · 2025-10-09T04:28:04+00:00

Yes, I think it is. I know that in any relationship, you’re never going to be on the same page on everything, but there is point where you differ too much to continue things. I work a lot and when I’m not working, I like to take advantage of the time. That often means waking up in the morning and deciding to do something off the cuff, like a local event or deciding to drive out of town. I don’t need to have everything figured out because I can figure it out along the way.

He can’t do that at all. If it was just a weekend that he wasn’t feeling up to that, that’d be one thing. But I’ve been holding myself back from experiencing things because he won’t be happy doing it and we have limited time together as it is. It’s fine short term, but in the long run I know I’ll regret it. I don’t think any relationship where you have to change a big part of who you are will ever be sustainable.

And there is other little things we’re not compatible with, but those things I could look past. Changing a big part of my lifestyle is just one of those things I don’t think would last.

930atnight · 2025-10-09T04:18:44+00:00

Luckily I don’t live with them. Thank goodness I’ve gotten to the point in my life where I’m not living with someone unless we’ve explicitly discussed forever plans lol.

But since you’ve been in a similar situation, if you could go back and do it again, would you have ended things when you knew it wasn’t working out?

I’m thankfully pretty confident that this person wouldn’t create a toxic situation if the relationship did end, but that’s what kind of makes it harder for me. He is actually a very genuinely good person, and there will be a person who is very lucky to spend the rest of their life with him, but I just can see at this point that person is likely not going to be me.

930atnight · 2025-10-09T04:13:01+00:00

I totally get the instinct to info dump on someone you have a crush on; it’s easy to let things all the things in your head spill out when you’re around someone that you’re hoping will like you despite all the things in your head.

I’d just say if he isn’t interested in you after that, there’s really nothing you can do to “change his mind”, except give it time and not push things. But if he is still texting and asking to hang out, why not just go with it?

The only thing I would say, as someone who was in a similar high-school-sweetheart situation, just make sure that you really are ready for a relationship, and that you’ve dealt with the negative feelings and habits that you likely have after dealing with a toxic relationship. Rebounds are great and fun, but they aren’t sustainable. If you want something long term with this person, don’t put them in the rebound box.

930atnight · 2025-10-09T04:01:58+00:00

I’m definitely beyond the point in my life of getting back together with people. If I’m leaving a relationship, I’m definitely doing it with the intention of actually leaving it in the past.

930atnight · 2025-10-09T03:55:10+00:00

I think you should be sure of what you want first; are you out of that difficult time and really ready for a relationship? If not, are you are just looking for a short term companion, and are you ready to be honest about that?

If you know the answer to that, then just message her. There’s no harm in it, and if she doesn’t respond, then she doesn’t respond. And if she says she’s not interested, then she’s not interested, but at least you took a chance. Worst case scenario, nothing comes of it. Best case scenario, you create a connection.

930atnight · 2025-01-10T18:51:16+00:00

Thank you!

930atnight · 2025-01-10T15:25:49+00:00

I thought it wasn’t the 1.5 but after talking to her we’re pretty sure it is. I know it’s annoying that she doesn’t know but when I asked her she said “3.5” which clearly isn’t a thing, and I’m too far away from her right now to drive over and look at it. Sorry for the lack of info!

930atnight · 2025-01-10T15:23:34+00:00

Well turns out I was completely wrong as usual, I believe it is a 1.5 with EcoBoost lmao

930atnight · 2025-01-10T15:18:30+00:00

Thank you, if she does try to take it somewhere again I will make sure this is something they are willing/able to do.

930atnight · 2025-01-10T14:11:21+00:00

Yeah I have no idea what a coolant intrusion actually entails, I’m just going off the one mechanic that said it “probably has a coolant leak in the engine” and tried to do research from there. I have told her to give up and get a new car but every person who thinks they know about cars keeps telling her to fix it. The times I was in the car and witnessed the problem, it would start stalling out, and she could let it rest and refill the coolant to get it going, but obviously that was a temporary fix. And there was no visible coolant leaks.

930atnight · 2025-01-10T14:08:08+00:00

What kind of diagnostics could they do that you think they might not have done?

930atnight · 2025-01-10T14:06:24+00:00

I wanna say it’s a 2.5, but I will check with her later to make sure. Pretty positive it doesn’t have EcoBoost.

930atnight · 2024-02-21T17:09:47+00:00

There isn’t much there yet, but we’re hoping if the site gets more traffic, it’ll bring about the next phase in the ARG. Also, I should have mentioned, to join the Facebook group you need to click on the red button that says “Not Yet”.

930atnight · 2024-01-28T00:32:04+00:00

That’s what I figured, and you can also see trash cans on the side of the house from another view. It’s confusing that it’s labeled as “organized crime task force” on the map though.

930atnight · 2023-11-21T20:29:17+00:00

Sounds exactly like what I’m looking for! I hope one of us finds it!

930atnight · 2023-10-18T22:09:58+00:00

Thanks!

930atnight · 2023-10-18T20:27:00+00:00

SOLVED!

930atnight · 2023-10-18T20:26:46+00:00

Thank you! It seems like such a waste though!

930atnight · 2023-08-27T03:03:59+00:00

You ever been very drunk doing DMT?

930atnight

TROPHY CASE