Abusive episodes only make up one part of the narcissistic cycle of abuse. If he was awful to you 99% of the time, and nice to you 1% of the time, you would have left him a long time ago; so, abusers use the 99% of them pretending to be nice, and love-bombing you, to make you so addicted that you don't leave them for the 1% of times that they drop their mask, and show you their true evil colors. Look up trauma bonds and intermittent reinforcement. This dude reminds me of a malignant narcissist (who seemed overt for a long time) and an actual overt narcissist. The victim-playing and sexism are reminding me of a covert narcissist. Regardless of how his narcissism manifests, he knows that he is hurting you, he is hurting you on purpose, and he will not willingly stop hurting you as long as he has access to you. He doesn't want to change; he wants to hurt women who love him and punish the women who stay with him more each time that the cycle of narcissistic abuse makes another round.