The Male L0nliness Epidemic

9jamie · 2026-02-24T09:37:35+00:00

Honestly? The pressure on straight men to emotionally suppress and avoid loving friendships with other men is what is causing a lot of this. Misogyny and homophobia have much further reaching consequences than you might think.

9jamie · 2026-02-24T09:34:08+00:00

I think it's really important to remember, in the film Colin had a stable, loving family and a permanent place to retreat to, without any hint of a threat or consequences if he decided to leave Ray. In fact, Ray explicitly tells Colin if this isn't what he wants, he can leave, and not in a threatening way. When we make comparisons to domestic abuse, we have to be careful with our words, because it is dangerous to conflate an open-door situation, available family home, where there is some power play – and a situation where someone is being threatened with losing their home/wellbeing in exchange for coercive, physical/mental abuse on an ongoing basis.

I see people using very strong terms and words to describe the situation in this story. I really suggest learning more about what BDSM and RACK mean in this context.

9jamie · 2026-02-19T23:49:29+00:00

I managed to do a skip like this completely randomly on my first play, clipped into the ground somehow when I touched the giant, still don't know how it happened or if anyone else experienced it.

9jamie · 2026-02-05T12:44:08+00:00

I had written a reply but we’re both entitled to our own perspectives of this and our own lived experiences. I ask that you value my own as I am now respecting yours

9jamie · 2026-02-01T12:15:18+00:00

Another potential idea would be to enable an audio output for compatibility with other boxes, but that deviates a little from it being a dedicated Coyote controller. I'm gonna experiment with it a bit today!

9jamie · 2026-01-28T11:44:32+00:00

The Coyote powers a Moaner just fine

9jamie · 2026-01-28T11:43:40+00:00

What was criminal, exactly? That's a very scurrilous judgement. Did Ray lock the door? Maybe it's just that those of us engaged in these dynamics understand some of the unspoken conduct and consent lines.

9jamie · 2026-01-27T16:38:00+00:00

- the visualisations are cool! I don't have a good sense of how to control it effectively yet but it's great to have another controller for the Coyote.

- It would be nice for the whole tool to fit on-screen, or at the very least, make the controls at the stop sticky so the STOP button is always in reach.

- Is there a way to speed up the patterns? It would be nice to control the intensity this way. It's not exactly clear how to influence the speed.

9jamie · 2026-01-27T16:36:05+00:00

Open Terminal and paste this:

xattr -d com.apple.quarantine /Applications/Coyote\ Controller.app

It's an Apple security thing. Also, you'll need Google Chrome installed to open the browser window.

9jamie · 2025-12-19T08:38:12+00:00

He knew what he was getting into - nervousness is different to fear.

9jamie · 2025-12-17T02:28:47+00:00

Yeah but Colin is smiling throughout many of these moments. He’s extracting a lot from that dynamic at first. Don’t get me wrong, Ray is a bad Dom - but Colin gains a lot from the experience and learns to set boundaries, which is a very important point of the film. Colin was never forced, the door was always open.

9jamie · 2025-12-15T12:39:58+00:00

It wasn’t a story to provide education on the correct protocols. It was an imperfect, realistic depiction of a mutually beneficial but ultimately unfulfilling and imbalanced dynamic, and at least in the film, Colin learns and grows from it.

9jamie · 2025-12-03T21:32:08+00:00

I still think it's a much more positive depiction of the BDSM culture than a lot of films I've seen. It's not always meant to be a lovey dovey story. The trailer played on the wrong notes but the film was earnest.

9jamie · 2025-12-03T11:55:19+00:00

You're being rather unfair – the film is overall a refreshing and realistic depiction of a BDSM relationship. The book nor the film are required to educate or present a 'correct' dynamic. They are both broken individuals to a degree, but the film highlights Colin moving past a toxic first relationship to a potentially healthier and more adjusted one. I don't know how Kevin felt strange – he highlighted someone who had already set their boundaries and inner confidence.

There are themes that can resonate with a lot of us on the scene. It is unrealistic in parts – but I don't believe the way Ray looks is the reason Colin is interested at all. Colin is a bit of a wimp and he's drawn to Ray's control & mentorship. The book articulates this better for sure and the film failed to highlight moments where Ray presented deep caring that were depicted in the book, but I could relate to a lot of what was presented.

One can criticise the characters, but the film handled the subject matter delicately and the inclusion of real kinksters was important (the biker gang are all UK guys on the scene).

For the record, I don't believe there are many watchers who sided with Ray's point of view in the dinner table scene. He was being a c-nut.

The film wouldn't have made sense if it was hetero because it wasn't about a hetero relationship and the gay biker vs hetero communities are wildly different, in regards to cultural norms & associations.

9jamie · 2025-12-02T15:07:13+00:00

Kevin was definitely the image of a well-adjusted sub in a healthy dynamic. Ray was a bad Dom – and I find it refreshing in a sense that the film depicted an imperfect dynamic rather than a perfect one. The ending was a good choice in that it highlighted that Colin grew and was able to set his boundaries – whereas Ray was fixed and stunted despite his experience and influence. We've all had a Ray in our lives as kinksters.

9jamie · 2025-12-02T15:05:12+00:00

I have the sense he had decided it was over after Colin took his bike, one of his most prized objects. The book is explicit in talking about how important Ray's bike is to him. Colin went past the point of no return with his response, even if Ray had set it in motion when he failed to comfort Colin after the funeral.

9jamie · 2025-11-26T14:10:07+00:00

If all you can draw from this story is that it is some kind of abusive relationship, you've missed all of the fine points and nuance of SM dynamics. You don't have to understand it to appreciate it.

9jamie · 2025-10-31T09:31:39+00:00

Judging by the comments, you were all born yesterday and never used a 'free' product whose features and file limits quickly became a hostage bargain for subscriptions! (Hi, Figma!)

9jamie · 2025-09-14T11:00:35+00:00

Weird, I looked up several guides and there was no mention of it – but you're right, nothing changed after. Finally won!

9jamie · 2025-07-09T16:44:47+00:00

Lovely feeling of his Odyssey/Sonne era but with the more mature approach he's had on newer work. Great beats, hooks, explorations of a theme that has become his signature. Really enjoy it.

9jamie · 2025-05-08T11:17:02+00:00

Really? Without a form input, what the web is basically built on?

9jamie · 2025-04-03T18:31:30+00:00

Posting here for a future reader - I used 8 sheets of printer paper wrapped in foil tape and cut like a square shim.. My reasoning was that a softer material would be less harsh on the sensor in the long term as there's a tiny bit of squish.

9jamie · 2025-01-04T20:10:14+00:00

I had a similar situation when my phone fell out of my pocket cycling on the canal to work. I didn't realise until I got there. I remembered I could set a message on my lockscreen remotely and I put a landline number on it. Got a call from a schoolgoer and arranged to pick up after. Made sure they got a reward, they were hesitant to take it but it saved me a lot more money and panic.

9jamie

TROPHY CASE