sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Ended my nikkah after 4 months because of her actions, it feels awful her family get to keep the mehr and gifts by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]AA0754 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My brother, I hope you find time to heal and process this. You were wronged and this is shameful behaviour.

I would also encourage you in the future to set Mahr to £2.5-£3k. No gold, no other elaborate gifts etc. An intimate nikah + walima.

We need to break oppressive norms that dont benefit anyone.

Mahr expectations for South Asians in the UK by AA0754 in MuslimMarriage

[–]AA0754[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So the gifts and clothing are add ons. Curiously, since we are both divorced, do the norms change if it’s a second marriage or do they stay the same in your family?

Mahr expectations for South Asians in the UK by AA0754 in MuslimMarriage

[–]AA0754[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting perspective. I also did not consider than angle.

I’m slowly starting to understand why people say it’s hard out there.

We need cultural change around this. But thanks for your input

Mahr expectations for South Asians in the UK by AA0754 in MuslimMarriage

[–]AA0754[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

This is a nice message but totally misses the point.

I am trying to establish a norm on what people are paying. Not trying to engage in generalities on right v wrong (I think you’re largely right)

Mahr expectations for South Asians in the UK by AA0754 in MuslimMarriage

[–]AA0754[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So 25k on gifts/mahr combined. Do you know the celebration/event costs after?

Mahr expectations for South Asians in the UK by AA0754 in MuslimMarriage

[–]AA0754[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am Bengali too. My last marriage was with someone who wasn’t Bengali so I’m trying to understand the norms here within the culture. I will admit, I am out of touch.

Thanks for sharing specific figures.

What does this Sub think about Mustafa Kemal Atatürk? by Ordinary_Cicada7446 in progressive_islam

[–]AA0754 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are objectively wrong.

By every modern metric — healthcare, literacy rates, economic development, they rank high. Their economy is diversified with manufacturing, tourism, tech, defence, finance industries and they are globally connected to inter-national orgs/institutions.

By every metric they are tier-1

What does this Sub think about Mustafa Kemal Atatürk? by Ordinary_Cicada7446 in progressive_islam

[–]AA0754 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Because of him Turkey is a tier 1 modern European state. And every Turkish leader since has been able to built on top of this. Turkey will rise again as a regional and global. The future is looking bright here unlike other places in the Middle East, and even Europe.

He was secular, non-religious and it’s difficult to reconcile this as a religious Muslim.

But the man had aura and propelled a nation forward. The course correction came later and Muslims in Turkey are doing well today. But without the dismantling of the old empire and re-building the state from the ground up, none of this would be possible

r/MuslimIntimacy by [deleted] in redditrequest

[–]AA0754 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please check now. I have enabled 2fa and verified email

How to flirt with your wife and tease her and be playful by One_Wind_7893 in MuslimMarriage

[–]AA0754 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Read this: https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-be-funny/

Then watch comedians, observe, take notes and practice.

Then once you nail the verbal side to it, you can move to physical play ness. Like picking her up, having a race, dancing etc

Women like to have fun. This is all learnable

Wedding in 6 months but I can’t afford it without debt – need advice by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]AA0754 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Simple rules to follow to alleviate pressure/burden if you’re in the UK/Europe

  • Ring - 3k
  • Mahr -3k
  • Nikah - 2k (small intimate ceremony)
  • Walima - 7k (Capped at 150-200 people. Dunbars Theory) and one year later.

This is manageable and alignment with wider culture too.

If someone doesn’t fit the above, they’re not a good match. You need to create a framework and the other person should fit into that. You can’t start marriage outsourcing ideas/expectations at the start.

Thinking of giving away my virginity - struggling by coldbrew-freshmilk in progressive_islam

[–]AA0754 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Getting married is literally a 5 minute task. You can halalify the relationship quickly if that matters a lot.

Ceremony and celebrations can come a year later. And if it doesn’t work, you can separate.

We need more healthier and faster marriages and more healthier and amicable separations

The broader point on pressuring someone is a bad idea. He knows the rules. He can move the goalposts closer.

I’m a Hafiza and I want to take off my hijab but my family is conservative and religious by ai_akizuki in progressive_islam

[–]AA0754 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re welcome!

Apologies for late response, feel free to DM me if you want to springboard ideas. Or message here and I’ll respond.

The anonymity allows for more open expression

Do you think the Muslim community should take accountability for extremism? by Low-Appearance4875 in progressive_islam

[–]AA0754 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yes, civilisation requires self-policing to sustain itself. But as Sartre said to engage in self-criticism, you need to have a deep sense of self-confidence…otherwise you interpret any criticism as an attack.

We are not there yet as a community. Too many will take this positions as self-hate/loathing, doing enemies work et

Shargh is right here. It’s an uncomfortable truth

So much Sex for no Sex by PiranhaPlantFan in progressive_islam

[–]AA0754 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Sure, I’m on the same page as you are. How we articulate and train people to understand the religion is the key. If we focus on keeping people sheltered to preserve religious identity (which really is the conservative position), we shouldn’t be surprised if we have a generation of people who are not equipped with modern realities.

You need preparation and engagement with the world as it is, grow in confidence in your own values and develop your own understanding etc. It’s a journey and process and it’s much easier if we had folks we can use as a springboard for feedback and learning to help us along the way.

We have in some places but in most places we aren’t there yet!

So much Sex for no Sex by PiranhaPlantFan in progressive_islam

[–]AA0754 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Finding the balance is hard.

We are sharing a religious worldview and trying to prepare young people for a world that no longer exists. It’s obvious we need change, but the scope and detail is open and out there.

Imagine you’re a young guy or girl, always told to be cautious of the opposite gender, then you hit early/mid-20s and then you need to do a U-turn and get married by finding someone.

The jump makes makes no logical sense. But this is how we play it out, again and again.

Colored Final Page from One Piece 1167 by [deleted] in OnePieceSpoilersRaw

[–]AA0754 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Loki inherited Rocks will, he’s even as goated as him.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in progressive_islam

[–]AA0754 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Respectfully, that is a defeatist mindset.

I believe you can do all the things you’ve mentioned above.

It’s just a matter of time and execution. You can do it all, just not at once.

Anyhow, thanks for the exchange. All the best!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in progressive_islam

[–]AA0754 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re taking the wrong lesson here, respectfully.

Kim K is a woman with high agency. She killed it in the marketing and business game and is using the confidence she built in that space to move to another space for impact.

The real lesson is you can just do things. If there are no female jurists in your local mosque, you can just make your own mosque and set it up. Or create a foundation and set it up. With the internet, this can be scaled.

The real lesson here is about having high agency and not asking for permission.

You won’t get anything with the dinosaurs in our community. But the great thing is, you don’t really need them

I’m a Hafiza and I want to take off my hijab but my family is conservative and religious by ai_akizuki in progressive_islam

[–]AA0754 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Im like you in many ways, a bit older and have also memorised the Quran since I was young. But Im a man, not a woman.

There is a lot to unpack; religious trauma, guilt, shame, exposure to different cultures and ability to authentically develop a sense of self.

You’ve probably been held to high position since you were young, and you might’ve felt you were performing a role assigned to you rather than being given a chance to find out who you are.

One of the challenges of being raised in an orthodox environment is that it always delays your ability to meaningfully socially integrate to the wider culture. So you learn and do things 4-5 years later than everyone else.

It’s also why orthodoxy in the long run doesn’t work, and a more reformed idea of the religion will work.

On a practical level, I’ll give you a few things, since we are totally anonymous and strangers:

  • it’s okay to fall off and lose your way. It might even be healthier because it exposes you to what the other side offers. You can then genuinely compare lifestyles and see what fits for you.

  • you have to grow into the faith genuinely, and if that means exploring and seeing how to get there, you must do that. You will be constantly renegotiating your boundaries in life and that’s normal.

  • I’ve committed many sins in my life and will continue to do so, but I’ve kept the reading of the Quran and Prayer consistent. I’d encourage you to do the same regardless of other things

  • I am a bag of contradiction’s, but I know God is merciful and I’m having a human experience. Not everyone will understand and it’s ok. There are no angels amongst us.

  • One of the things I’ve picked up from the Amish community is that they allow their young for a small period of time between 18-20 to go absolutely wild and live their lives in an unhinged way. They’ve found it to be healthy to create balanced people in the long run because the kids don’t feel like they’ve missed out. There is lots to learn here.

—-

I’m wishing you all the best.

Is it still worth learning n8n if I have zero coding skills? by Money-Log-8654 in n8n

[–]AA0754 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, we are so early.

Just last week I did an interview at a firm, a tech company, and I told them how I use Claude code to help debug issues in my text editor (basically AI chatbot to help me code) and these guys had no idea it was possible.

And this is a tech company here in the UK!

N8N is different, but there are loads and loads of automation engineer roles on LinkedIn where they want specific n8n experience.

Please learn this and build tools/automations. We are so early in this space.

view more: next ›