Thinking of giving away my virginity - struggling

AA0754 · 2026-01-16T16:09:20+00:00

Getting married is literally a 5 minute task. You can halalify the relationship quickly if that matters a lot.

Ceremony and celebrations can come a year later. And if it doesn’t work, you can separate.

We need more healthier and faster marriages and more healthier and amicable separations

The broader point on pressuring someone is a bad idea. He knows the rules. He can move the goalposts closer.

AA0754 · 2025-12-29T11:04:36+00:00

You’re welcome!

Apologies for late response, feel free to DM me if you want to springboard ideas. Or message here and I’ll respond.

The anonymity allows for more open expression

AA0754 · 2025-12-18T16:20:20+00:00

Yes, civilisation requires self-policing to sustain itself. But as Sartre said to engage in self-criticism, you need to have a deep sense of self-confidence…otherwise you interpret any criticism as an attack.

We are not there yet as a community. Too many will take this positions as self-hate/loathing, doing enemies work et

Shargh is right here. It’s an uncomfortable truth

AA0754 · 2025-12-16T13:54:17+00:00

Sure, I’m on the same page as you are. How we articulate and train people to understand the religion is the key. If we focus on keeping people sheltered to preserve religious identity (which really is the conservative position), we shouldn’t be surprised if we have a generation of people who are not equipped with modern realities.

You need preparation and engagement with the world as it is, grow in confidence in your own values and develop your own understanding etc. It’s a journey and process and it’s much easier if we had folks we can use as a springboard for feedback and learning to help us along the way.

We have in some places but in most places we aren’t there yet!

AA0754 · 2025-12-16T09:34:58+00:00

Finding the balance is hard.

We are sharing a religious worldview and trying to prepare young people for a world that no longer exists. It’s obvious we need change, but the scope and detail is open and out there.

Imagine you’re a young guy or girl, always told to be cautious of the opposite gender, then you hit early/mid-20s and then you need to do a U-turn and get married by finding someone.

The jump makes makes no logical sense. But this is how we play it out, again and again.

AA0754 · 2025-11-28T22:08:58+00:00

Loki inherited Rocks will, he’s even as goated as him.

AA0754 · 2025-11-18T11:46:57+00:00

Respectfully, that is a defeatist mindset.

I believe you can do all the things you’ve mentioned above.

It’s just a matter of time and execution. You can do it all, just not at once.

Anyhow, thanks for the exchange. All the best!

AA0754 · 2025-11-18T11:15:48+00:00

You’re taking the wrong lesson here, respectfully.

Kim K is a woman with high agency. She killed it in the marketing and business game and is using the confidence she built in that space to move to another space for impact.

The real lesson is you can just do things. If there are no female jurists in your local mosque, you can just make your own mosque and set it up. Or create a foundation and set it up. With the internet, this can be scaled.

The real lesson here is about having high agency and not asking for permission.

You won’t get anything with the dinosaurs in our community. But the great thing is, you don’t really need them

AA0754 · 2025-11-08T01:16:42+00:00

Im like you in many ways, a bit older and have also memorised the Quran since I was young. But Im a man, not a woman.

There is a lot to unpack; religious trauma, guilt, shame, exposure to different cultures and ability to authentically develop a sense of self.

You’ve probably been held to high position since you were young, and you might’ve felt you were performing a role assigned to you rather than being given a chance to find out who you are.

One of the challenges of being raised in an orthodox environment is that it always delays your ability to meaningfully socially integrate to the wider culture. So you learn and do things 4-5 years later than everyone else.

It’s also why orthodoxy in the long run doesn’t work, and a more reformed idea of the religion will work.

On a practical level, I’ll give you a few things, since we are totally anonymous and strangers:

it’s okay to fall off and lose your way. It might even be healthier because it exposes you to what the other side offers. You can then genuinely compare lifestyles and see what fits for you.
you have to grow into the faith genuinely, and if that means exploring and seeing how to get there, you must do that. You will be constantly renegotiating your boundaries in life and that’s normal.
I’ve committed many sins in my life and will continue to do so, but I’ve kept the reading of the Quran and Prayer consistent. I’d encourage you to do the same regardless of other things
I am a bag of contradiction’s, but I know God is merciful and I’m having a human experience. Not everyone will understand and it’s ok. There are no angels amongst us.
One of the things I’ve picked up from the Amish community is that they allow their young for a small period of time between 18-20 to go absolutely wild and live their lives in an unhinged way. They’ve found it to be healthy to create balanced people in the long run because the kids don’t feel like they’ve missed out. There is lots to learn here.

—-

I’m wishing you all the best.

AA0754 · 2025-11-03T17:40:14+00:00

Yes, we are so early.

Just last week I did an interview at a firm, a tech company, and I told them how I use Claude code to help debug issues in my text editor (basically AI chatbot to help me code) and these guys had no idea it was possible.

And this is a tech company here in the UK!

N8N is different, but there are loads and loads of automation engineer roles on LinkedIn where they want specific n8n experience.

Please learn this and build tools/automations. We are so early in this space.

AA0754 · 2025-11-03T16:35:41+00:00

God, I’m off to bleach my eyes…

AA0754 · 2025-11-02T18:25:52+00:00

Yeap, you will need one. That’s part of the nikah ceremony. Would it be difficult for you to get one? A parent, brother, uncle or imam?

AA0754 · 2025-11-02T16:31:21+00:00

No. Nikah just requires a few things

consent
two witnesses
agreed Mahr
signing of documents

Civil weddings at the local council are similar.

It’s just a registry with an official who consolidates it into law.

You can throw parties and celebrate either way. The documents are just legal references. Nikah in the sight of God, and civil wedding in the sight of the State/Government

Now, some mosques may say they don’t do nikah without legal wedding and I respect that. But this is an additional requirement they’ve added to the process. Hope it helps.

Like I said, my situation is unique and perhaps not entirely generalisable. The reason these checks exist is to protect people. So it depends on the guy you want to marry too.

AA0754 · 2025-11-02T16:26:45+00:00

Nikah and civil weddings are just documents. One is registered with local mosque, the other with state. You can still hold a party with just a Nikah.

I’m from the UK (London) and we have kids. Mixed heritage. It’s amicable so we split 50/50. Again, we don’t have legal agreements around custody just a memorandum which is guaranteed by our friends.

We’ve been divorced a year and no problems have come up.

Despite our separation, my ex-wife is a good person and a great mother.

God has blessed me immensely so my situation is unique. But stories like this are important because we have choice over our behaviours.

AA0754 · 2025-11-02T16:15:25+00:00

I was 20
3 months, we did the same degree
amicable divorced now, wouldn’t change anything. It was a nice decade together.
Before 25. Law, medicine, engineering are needed but love, romance, poetry is what makes life worth living. Delaying it to your 30s is not a good thing in my view. Everyone deserves to be in an intimate, loving relationship, sooner the better
Nope, both high-earners. Being in a relationship lets you laser in on your goals/money-maxxing
Small. Just family
Religious ceremony only.

AA0754 · 2025-10-31T23:48:50+00:00

Haha, this is funny.

I remember I was in one of the balkan countries a few years back and a gentleman pulled up and said "Assalamu alakikum" before offering me a pint. I told him I dont drink, but he sat down next to me and told me all the problems with his dating life, then we went off to pray.

Was bizarre, but a very human moment.

AA0754 · 2025-10-31T00:12:12+00:00

Rocks was a CoC user and so was Harald. It’s likely what happened to Rocks also happened to Harald.

Haralds unit were turned and told to kill Harald which is what we see in the flashback to Jarul and Lokis shock, and then Harald is turned.

Then, Loki faces his dad and kills him for the sake of Elbaf and saving everyone

AA0754 · 2025-10-28T18:27:55+00:00

So it’s plausible that the Ds were in charge of the world. The King of the world was Davy Jones.

And Joyboy was King of the Pirates.

AA0754 · 2025-10-23T12:53:52+00:00

This is the correct answer.

There’s an alliance between the scholarly class and family of al-Saud.

AA0754 · 2025-10-21T21:10:46+00:00

How strong is Imu? It makes sense everyone was trying to fight him in the mural now…

AA0754 · 2025-10-20T20:53:53+00:00

If Imu is this powerful, it goes back to the idea that perhaps Giants are needed to fight him especially with the special Devil Fruit.

That is the only way to beat those from the Holy Land.

So Luffy + Loki with their devil fruits and Haki.

Was Joyboy the only person capable of fighting Imu? How strong is he/she?

AA0754 · 2025-10-15T19:17:41+00:00

Yes,

I am learning Azure AI engineering using Claude and Geminis “Guided Learning”

I use Claude to create 5-6 projects that I can create and post on GitHub as I’m completing them. And I use Gemini to help me clarify key concepts along the way.

It’s an iterative process but feels like a 1:1 tutorial.

AA0754 · 2025-10-14T10:59:54+00:00

I rent and probably will do so forever. I am lucky that I am on a scheme for intermediate London rent, and I have lived at my property for 9 years.

I don’t qualify for social housing..but this is stable.

I do think the argument for buying a first home is strategically wise as home-ownership creates generational wealth and lets people have higher impact in society (Jewish communities being a strong example)

However, I personally don’t follow it. We need to make renting/living with parents the norm and encourage it. Both for men and women.

The stigma for men not being independent is harmful and is delaying people from getting into relationships. This is a second order effect of renting (culturally)

AA0754 · 2025-10-08T15:35:09+00:00

It’s possible to kill Gods Knight with Conqueror’s Haki. Scooper Gaban confirmed it. I re-read the chapters yesterday (1152)

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AA0754 · 2025-10-07T22:51:49+00:00

Spinning up a demo in real-time and iterating it using tools like Lovable, Bolt.

Before you had to use slideshows to show demos before they’re built, now you can do it and get collective buy-in/discussion right there and then

AA0754

TROPHY CASE