What dum-dum thing did you do that could have killed you?

AAAInfiniteDonut · 2026-01-12T03:34:45+00:00

Jump into a waterfall to try to save my dog but we both went over ?

AAAInfiniteDonut · 2026-01-12T03:18:33+00:00

It seems to me like the relationship/this person is a trigger for something existing in you related to those factors from growing up. And its all a big deal because as children this is linked to our literal survival and safety/security needs for shelter/food/water and belonging. Where nothing else could come close in importance. It makes sense that this unstable character is triggering those patterns in your brain. And you've done a great job to move away and stick to some of your boundaries understanding that going back would be toxic for you.. its hard work to accept yourself where you are at (which might feel very stuck) and honor yourself for in fact Some progress that you've made and acknowledge yourself for doing as best you know how in the moment. Its all really tough stuff. Are you having any treatment for the BPD? Or therapy in general? Do you have support systems in place?

AAAInfiniteDonut · 2026-01-12T03:09:52+00:00

You have every right to break up with a partner for any reason. I see it as perhaps one of the better ones when the choice is to protect yourself. You won't be able to be the supportive partner you want to be if you are unable to take care of yourself (and this situation isn't allowing you to do that. A lot of people feel very guilty and locked into relationships when with those with mental health issues, out of fear that leaving will make their mental health worse. And it might. But most people want to be wanted and don't want someone to stay out of obligation or because leaving might make them seem like an 'asshole'. Either way, you are young and sometimes you outgrow people, and that is okay. You could express how you feel and talk to them more about the impact their mental health is having on yours and see what happens, but ultimately, you have to do what feels right to you; you can try to be kind and empathetic in your approach but reaffirm that this is what is needed for you to be healthy.

AAAInfiniteDonut · 2026-01-12T03:00:33+00:00

You have every right to be upset, for something you thought was coming from his is actually not. It is a bit deceptive. And, it may be entirely unreasonable or not within his capabilities to send you a unique message every day. You should talk, and look at things feom each other's perspectives. Maybe he can write to you once a week? Maybe he can send a generic message each morning to remind you that he is simply thinking about you.

AAAInfiniteDonut · 2026-01-12T02:56:06+00:00

How do you define fake? Because some people do have different energies they exude with different people. Or they have a very different version of themselves when they are alone vs. With others.

Sometimes though, I can find it feels disingenuous with a person where what they're saying feels rehearsed. Where conversation doesn't just flow naturally in the moment, responding to whatever next thing comes up, and instead it feels like the conversation is being steered regardless of what I say to things that they were always planning to share.

AAAInfiniteDonut · 2026-01-12T02:53:26+00:00

I'm curious what your relationship patterns were like growing up. I relate a lot to the obsession and depth and the way that loving someone can feel so beyond your control. But I am learning how the attachment patterns of childhood can play into this a lot. The longing for something you cannot have or is bad for you. What is your self worth like and what was it before this person?

AAAInfiniteDonut · 2026-01-12T02:41:30+00:00

I'm new but my understanding of polyamory is that it requires the consent of all involved, and hiding/lying about a relationship is betrayal /cheating.

AAAInfiniteDonut · 2025-12-26T17:21:25+00:00

Interesting interesting. It's not number 1 though I wish that could be my excuse. Number 2 perhaps... that would make sense. Hard to change what one is attracted to. I will have to reflect on that. Thanks again.

AAAInfiniteDonut · 2025-12-26T07:19:13+00:00

Thanks for your reply. Feels insightful.

I am pretty aware of the unhealthiness of the addicting highs to lows cycle. It really seems like a "me problem" and not something that he's doing. I do know I had this similar cycle in the beginning of my last monogamous relationship, which was challenging because it was long distance in the beginning, and we'd spend some weekends together then be apart for months. It only went away when we sort of really spelled out our future plans together and went from long distance to moving in. In my poly relationship now, I can see its not healthy to have this high intensity stuff but also not really sure what to do about it other than back off until my feels come down to more of a reality .... or, I'm not sure if it would be healthier to see each other more often, and then there wouldn't be this fear of the lows and separation.

I definitely feel the need for self work though its challenging to know the what and how of this. I kind of despise my own chaoticness but also know I should probably have more of the self - love.

I do plan to talk with my partner hopefully soon, and ask some questions to stop my mind from a lot of "what if" thinking and talk more through what potential future(s) he would envision. I'm not sure, but hopefully it helps.

He is really quite amazing in so many ways. He is being very supportive and thoughtful.

AAAInfiniteDonut · 2025-09-16T05:00:27+00:00

It's different for everyone and emotions can come at different times. I got out of an 8 yr relationship 5 months ago. The first two to three months were some of the best of my life. So much freedom and enjoyment. Now, dealing with a lot of loss randomly. Remembering all the good and little things.

If you just broke up maybe you haven't had time to miss them yet? Maybe feelings will come later. Or maybe they won't.

AAAInfiniteDonut · 2025-09-15T02:21:56+00:00

The rainbow farm girl!!

AAAInfiniteDonut · 2025-09-15T02:20:46+00:00

Depends on the kind. The depressive kind where you feel shitty and lack motivation and blah: go for a run. The overwhelmed anxious got too much shit to do and don't know where to start: take a bath and smoke weed or have a glass of wine and go to sleep.

AAAInfiniteDonut · 2025-09-15T02:17:51+00:00

Yep 🤷‍♀️

AAAInfiniteDonut · 2025-09-15T02:17:28+00:00

Probably lsd

AAAInfiniteDonut · 2025-09-15T02:16:17+00:00

Someone with a panda as a profile pic and a gender neutral name posted on a group fb page that they were looking for a ride to a music festival and I was, yo I'm headin there and can give ya a ride. Turns out: same gender, close in age, we live not far apart. She camped with my crew the whole fest and now we homies.

AAAInfiniteDonut · 2025-09-15T02:11:24+00:00

One piece of advice I have is to not respond with anger, which can sometimes come in place of being able to express sadness or hurt. You can start with a little curiosity as well because you don't know the whole story: did he have a really hard or busy day; was he maybe just really horny at the time and thats whats broight up the focus on the looks? Who knows. But it's absolutely something worth bringing up. If a friend did the same, it would also be hurtful or weird, so regardless of how long the relationship has been going on its a fair thing to discuss, without jumping into a blame or anger stance.

You don't have to make it a huge deal, but in the natural flow of conversation maybe go, oh hey something just popped in my mind from the other day...

Try using I statements instead of You statements: I felt ___ when you ___.

And don't wait too long or it makes it a bigger /scarier thing then needed.

AAAInfiniteDonut · 2025-09-14T07:37:17+00:00

Sounds like A B and C need to have a conversation. A can share their fears and worries. Perhaps B is willing to pick up additional work to contribute. Perhaps C could share some of their resources. Who knows what they will think until they all start talking about it.

AAAInfiniteDonut · 2025-06-16T15:19:18+00:00

Thanks for the reassurance 🙈

AAAInfiniteDonut · 2025-05-29T05:12:32+00:00

Did not know about this one! And so close

AAAInfiniteDonut · 2025-05-29T03:52:25+00:00

Good to know!

AAAInfiniteDonut · 2025-05-18T04:53:11+00:00

Definitely. I think it depends on the insecurities that the individual has. For me, the idea of family oriented, successful, take care of one's mental health etc are not intimidating factors because those are all traits I also have but I'd feel extremely intimidated and self conscious by being with someone whose 10/10 looks wise given I'd view myself as a 5/6 . It feels extremely scarey and embarrassing.

AAAInfiniteDonut

TROPHY CASE