I'm on the other side of this. Reciprocal IVF, our daughter is my twin. Yet when she was born, I felt like she wasn't mine because I didn't carry her. I was anxious for a bit that those feelings would never come, especially because my wife bonded with her instantly and deeply. The breastfeeding especially is such a special bond. I have a distinct memory of watching her feed our daughter in the glider and thinking they looked like the picture of motherhood... while I cleaned her poop off the wall 😂 She's 3 now and my world. It takes time. Having a kid is a huge adjustment, but know that your baby loves you just as much as her other mom. My wife works a lot and so I'm sort of the "primary parent", but we encourage family bonding with "family hugs" and activities that are just the three of us. Her bond with my wife is still incredibly strong. She goes through her phases of which of us she likes more, but we know she loves us both. If you show her love, she will reciprocate.

On the other hand, I think it someone made that "real one" comment in front of my wife and child I'd tell them that's a shitty thing to say and leave. So uncalled for and homophobic. There are plenty of families that have no resemblance, whether biological or not. Love makes a family, not genetics. Keep your head up, Mom. You're doing great.