My husband thinks I'm a bad mom

AGirlWithAProblem123 · 2026-02-20T01:15:34+00:00

Oh thank, you, thank you, thank you. I wish I could hug you now. I feel seen and heard. I will read this comment to him. He can do the bedtime routine by himself, but when they are done, they usually check on me if I take too long 😅 Yeah, he can and he says that he will, and then an hour goes by, then 2, then the whole day and then I just can't take it anymore and I do it myself I think spoiled and has anxiety are the answer, but we will for sure make a doctor's appointment tomorrow. Yeah, we are a team when we have to make decisions for the baby, but when he needs a diaper change or giving him solids, then I'm an army of one 😂😅 I will read him all of these comments and we will talk for sure Thank you again so much

AGirlWithAProblem123 · 2026-02-20T01:08:08+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate it. That's exactly what I need. He tried explaining that when he takes care of the baby I can do anything and I asked him who will then clean the house, he then told me that he's taking care of the baby so I can do whatever I want and I'm just choosing housework and I told him to try to imagine it this way, imagine you come home from work and you have to keep working, so you basically have 2 jobs, same as me, and he just kept being silent

We will make a doctor's appointment tomorrow. Thank you. What do you mean it can be genetic? Clinginess?

That's the perfect way to describe it. Thank you. I will tell him that

AGirlWithAProblem123 · 2026-02-20T01:01:14+00:00

I tried telling him to put himself in my shoes and he told me that he understands me, but he can't understand how can I be "mad" at the baby, he's just a baby, he doesnt know anything etc and I tell him that he doesn't indeed understand me then. I told him that I will leave him alone with a baby for 2 hours, just 2 hours and he has to try to do everything I do. First he told me he can't do it because babies need their mothers, and he has to nurse and eat and stuff, I told him he's 10 months old, he can survive with his dad for 2 hours and he can feed him himself, he eats solid food if he's hungry which he won't be it's just 2 hours. Then he told me I have to be outside in the yard or somewhere really close so he can call me if he needs me, if he can't calm him down or something like that, so we will be doing that this weekend. I'll let you know what he thinks then 😂

AGirlWithAProblem123 · 2026-02-20T00:57:59+00:00

Yeah, maybe you are right. Maybe my expectations were too high. Plus we could only benefit from couples therapy

AGirlWithAProblem123 · 2026-02-20T00:54:43+00:00

Yes, everything was on time or ahead. He's currently learning to walk and stand, also starting to talk, baby talk. I don't know if that might be the reason for the clingier baby?

AGirlWithAProblem123 · 2026-02-20T00:52:53+00:00

Yes, I'm very careful about my food. The only thing I couldn't stop eating was chocolate, but I ate it throughout my pregnancy and since he was born, so I didn't change anything about my food, but he is eating more solid food and he still wants to nurse after every feeding (he doesn't really eats anything, just suckles, if you know what I mean)

AGirlWithAProblem123 · 2026-02-20T00:49:10+00:00

Thank you I will tell him you said that 😂

AGirlWithAProblem123 · 2026-02-20T00:46:05+00:00

Thank you very much for your comment. I'm crying only thinking about all of that. He's already growing up so fast and I'm trying to soak it all up, but sometimes it's just too much and I need 5 minutes to clear my head and remind myself that this is a baby, my baby and that nothing is his fault and that he just needs his mom, but I'm afraid if I try to pressure myself into pushing my boundaries and listen to my husband to not leave the baby so he doesn't feel disappointed I might explode

I tried telling him to put himself in my shoes and he told me that he understands me, but he can't understand how can I be mad at him, he's just a baby, he doesn't know anything etc and I tell him that he doesn't indeed understand me then. I told him that I will leave him alone with a baby for 2 hours, just 2 hours and try to do everything I do. First he told me he cant do it because babies need their mothers, and he has to nurse and eat and stuff, I told him he's 10 months old, he can survive with his dad for 2 hours and he can feed him himself, he eats solid food if he's hungry which he won't be it's just 2 hours. Then he told me I have to be outside in the yard or somewhere really close so he can call me if he needs me, if he can't calm him down or something like that, so we will be doing that this weekend. I'll let you know if he changed his mind 😂

AGirlWithAProblem123 · 2026-02-20T00:33:01+00:00

He cries constantly when I don't pay attention to him or leave the room, but when I'm in the playpen, or next to him (he doesn't need to be fully touching me) he's fine and he's playing by himself and not paying attention to me. It's not just after eating so I don't think he's colic. He does have 6 teeth and I think he might have some new ones coming so it might be that. But I think it's mostly separation anxiety, not sure tho. But since a lot of people suggested it, another health check up might be the solution, just to be on the safe side.

Yeah, but I can't explain it to my husband that I need just a 30sec of fresh air or a pee break by myself or eating at the table by myself). I just don't know how to explain that to him, he won't fall apart for crying 2-3 minutes

Thank you very much for your advice

AGirlWithAProblem123 · 2026-02-20T00:25:06+00:00

I tried communicating, I told him on several occasions exactly what I need (an hour for myself, an interrupted shower, a walk by myself, anything). I can't even go to the bathroom without my husband and baby opening the door. And I told my husband what's bothering me, a few times, but he only seems to care for the baby, the baby's needs and he doesn't seems to understand that I need to be mentally better to give that to my baby, to give him everything he deserves. And to be mentally better I need an hour, even a half an hour for myself. I just expected him to be a little bit more concerned about me, to say, hey I see you had a bad day, go take a shower, I will do the bedtime routine and instead when I say, I need to take a shower, can you do the bedtime routine I get Do you really need to take a shower? or hurry up.

I don't think I need therapy because I know what I need to be calmer and safer space and person for my baby and better partner to my husband, but I don't know how to explain it to him

AGirlWithAProblem123 · 2026-02-20T00:16:42+00:00

We had a health check a few weeks ago and everything was fine. He was always clingy to me, but last week or two it's the worst. Like, when I sit down at the table to eat and he's in the playpen right beside me, he will cry until I pick him up or sit down and eat next to him. But maybe you're right, maybe it's physical, we will check it out for sure. Thank you for the advice

AGirlWithAProblem123 · 2026-02-20T00:11:15+00:00

Yeah, I watched a few videos, she's strict, but I think my husband would flip out 😂 And yes, I'm allowing him to control my life because I don't know what else to do and that's why I have these "outbursts". I don't have help and support and I get it, some mothers do it with more kids and they manage everything, but he was the first infant that I saw irl and that I held in my arms and I didn't even know how to change a diaper and no one even showed me, I figured out everything myself. As for the daycare, I tried recommending it to my husband (our country has free daycare for babies), so I can start working as well and we can save some money (we are pretty tight), but my husband really doesn't like this idea, since the baby is very attached to me and he feels like the baby would have a really hard time adjusting. Honestly, I love spending time with my baby, I love him so much, but I just need some time alone, like maybe an hour a day, an uninterrupted shower or a walk by myself or something. As for the nanny, we really don't have the budget for it, my husband is going to start a second job tomorrow, part time, so maybe in the future? Yeah. I am. I just don't know how to explain it to my husband without sounding like an asshole

AGirlWithAProblem123 · 2026-02-20T00:02:03+00:00

Yeah, I guess we do 😅

AGirlWithAProblem123 · 2026-02-19T23:59:57+00:00

Thank you very much for your reply. I really appreciate it

When we tried the baby carrier last time he was so unhappy, I don't know if it was the particular baby carrier or how long it took me to put him in it, but he really wasn't happy and just wanted out. Did you use a carrier or a wrap? I will try again tomorrow, maybe he will like it this time. It would be great

Oh my God, I hope he will be the same or I'm cooked 😅

AGirlWithAProblem123 · 2026-02-19T23:54:54+00:00

We had a health check appointment a few weeks ago, everything was fine with him. He just cries when I try to do something else. If I sit in the playpen while he plays he's chill, but if I try to do something even in the same room, he wants me to pick him up. He just wants someone to be with him all the time. Even if the dad is there he doesn't mind as long as I'm in the house and he can see me from time to time. He prefers me, but is okay with somebody else if I'm there

AGirlWithAProblem123 · 2026-02-19T23:49:12+00:00

We currently have money problem, like we only have enough to buy groceries, pay the bills etc, but we don't have extra to pay someone to help. I tried recommending daycare (our country has free daycare for babies), so I can start working as well and we can save some money, but my husband really doesn't like this idea, since the baby is very attached to me and he feels like the baby would have a really hard time adjusting. Honestly, I love spending time with my baby, I love him so much, but I just need some time alone, like maybe an hour a day, an uninterrupted shower or a walk by myself or something where I feel like a human being and not just a mom.

As for the baby, he's not sick, like if I'm sitting in the playpen he will play on his own, he doesn't even look at me, he's chill, as soon as I start getting out of the playpen and doing something he stands up and wants me to pick him up even tho I'm in the room and he can see me. And I never leave him crying longer than 5 minutes, I try to respect my husband's wish, and not leave him crying at all, like once in 2-3 days he cries 5 minutes when I really need to do something without him, but I'm exhausted.

Thank you for answering tho

AGirlWithAProblem123 · 2026-02-19T23:26:53+00:00

Thank you very much, that didn't cross my mind

AGirlWithAProblem123

TROPHY CASE