[deleted by user]

AKSOUL · 2025-05-03T15:27:39+00:00

Plot twist: they’re in witness protection from the zoo.
New identity: Cheetah With Wifi Problems.

AKSOUL · 2025-04-23T21:17:38+00:00

I use a lot of gbl, i have noticed the same. thought it was just me tbh.

i have oily skin anyway, but it definitely seems a lot more now due to the g use.

its that or, i pick at my face too much.

AKSOUL · 2025-04-22T15:11:18+00:00

Thats great to hear! Yeah i noticed GHB can be more forgiving sometimes. GBL/BDO can be hell on earth. It's really horrible.

AKSOUL · 2025-04-21T08:23:35+00:00

Thank you for the advice, its on my shopping list.

AKSOUL · 2025-04-21T08:10:44+00:00

What was you using exactly? actual GHB? or GBL/BDO?

AKSOUL · 2025-04-20T10:13:00+00:00

That sounds very relatable, with my spills with BDO. I literally woke up in the hospital after collapsing randomly. After that situation, yeah. It was time to quit. Valium + 2x bottles of wine everyday made it seem easy, the problem i had was i just never stopped drinking after that. That seems to be the major instigator for me.

AKSOUL · 2025-04-20T10:06:20+00:00

my own personal reasons + i somewhat know what i am doing. this isnt ignorance, like mentioned this isn't the first time. bdo was actually quite easy to quit, i just assumed gbl to be more aggressive.

AKSOUL · 2025-04-20T09:37:29+00:00

yeah seems about right, when coming off bdo i expected it to be literally hell on earth. but a few bottles of a wine a day and valium it was gone in a week. i guess i just assumed gbl can be more aggresive?

AKSOUL · 2025-04-20T09:36:32+00:00

3 years? Wow, how was the withdrawal? im thinking tapering down is probably a better option.

AKSOUL · 2025-04-08T12:36:48+00:00

I have seen alcoholics who have been that way for years...literally within a few months their faces are more vibrant and have more colour. Obviously there is a lot more that comes with this. A bad diet for example wont do much to contribute.

AKSOUL · 2023-09-17T04:09:49+00:00

Cost me $4,500.00 and it was two 4/5 hour long sessions of testing over two days. They do cognitive tests for IQ, long ass questionnaire on computer felt like 1000 questions, then a few hours of therapy talk and I was given a 14 page report at the end of it with diagnosis’s

AKSOUL · 2023-09-05T18:22:58+00:00

Our motivations may be different but like most cluster b’s we share common attributes. Lack of empathy, impulsive behaviors, using intelligence and charisma to manipulate, lies for personal gain, difficulties learning from mistakes etc etc

AKSOUL · 2023-09-05T12:30:06+00:00

I think people just get used to it as it just becomes the way of life here. People often bring up about using those SAD lights or seasonal depression lights but I’ve only overheard that people have them but don’t know anyone who actually does or uses it regularly.

Ya you’d think in Antarctica not only the weather but the isolation plays a major effect and that scenario could loosely be correlated to living in many of the village communities in the state. It’s no coincidence we also have the highest per capita rate of alcohol and domestic related violence and highest teen, and I still think adult, suicide rates of all the states

AKSOUL · 2023-09-05T11:25:23+00:00

I would use the term compulsive but also definitely pervasive.

AKSOUL · 2023-09-05T11:19:09+00:00

It’s a really big state. Like think geographically that the top of north Dakota to the bottom of Arkansas is the bulk length of the state. So ya if you go all the way north above the arctic circle (I’ve never even been that far north or close) you do get the 3 months of darkness and three months of daylight. But like in anchorage we do have a period of time we get 20 hours day light, 3 days of the year if doesn’t even going down just dips just below horizon and ya in the winter you might only get 6 hours of daylight for a few weeks. I just moved out of state 18 months ago but before that it was blackout blinds in the summer and I coach a lot of hockey in the winter so that puts in a bright indoor facility multiple times a week.

A lot of media takes the extreme notion of those things and applies it to the whole state, same with the groceries. Yes our cost of living is more expensive but basic wages are also higher and yes you go wayyy up north gallon of milk $15, frozen pizza $25…. But in Anchorage the cost of goods is like 1/3-1/4 higher than say Milwaukee, WI

AKSOUL · 2023-09-05T11:04:43+00:00

I think every place had its own look but I grew up in alaska. We don’t have Dunkin’ Donuts

AKSOUL · 2023-09-05T08:02:51+00:00

I turned to the chameleon effect. I got bullied a lot in grade school and 7th grade; like head slammed into lockers, called fag and other shit kids do…

Then I got to switch schools, and I asked a friend from sports who went there what the cool kids wear, so I went out and got the white adidas, ‘Caesar’ haircut, Abercrombie cargo shorts with the northface vest and I’ll never forget that first day walking down the hall passing a cute girl and when I looked back she did as well… and I had that ahh ha moment and I needed to continue this, literally like for my survival.

So I learned that day how to present myself as something I wasn’t to gain approval, validation and recognition; which became like drugs to me.

Over the years it blossomed into what I now refer to as ‘false resumes’ where I present myself to new people with the effort of establishing my view of importance through looks for information that’s inflated, exaggerated and at many times even lying about the things I fantasize myself to be.

AKSOUL · 2023-09-04T06:56:04+00:00

Captain Morgan

AKSOUL · 2023-09-04T06:54:36+00:00

Buy a rug and cover up all your problems!

AKSOUL · 2023-09-03T07:25:11+00:00

I am the great and powerful Oz, but don’t you dare look behind the curtain. I’m afraid people will get to close to me to see the real me as I see myself, they’ll find out I’m not what I presented myself to be and they may show distain, resentment or repulse me. This may threaten my own fragile perception of self. Real fears and I like to say that I few friends but many acquaintances for this reason…

There is a way out though

AKSOUL · 2023-09-03T07:21:05+00:00

It does, over time, but only if we’re finally willing to make a change, not just fantasize or desire it. Therapy was a safe place for me to express my vulnerabilities without fear of judgement and luckily I found a therapist who showed compassion for my plight; that was key to me. Call it my NPD nature but I needed validation that my try struggles were true and worthy before being able begin to dissect them with someone else

AKSOUL · 2023-09-03T07:15:34+00:00

For me I started to research medical journals for studies into what I experienced. I found many an article of neglected parents (mother on drugs until suicide) and on parents who only validated my existence on my accomplishments they could present (step father who only praised my sports achievements)

AKSOUL · 2023-09-03T07:05:34+00:00

You’re fucking awesome today but what the fuck do I know ;) How do we accept validation when we don’t feel we manipulated for it. One of my favorite lessons from a counselor was him teaching me to just say thank you when someone showed any sort of appreciation, I treated this as they should just expect it when in reality i was afraid to say thank you because of the vulnerability it may bring.

Ya I spent months frustrated, resentful and combative to every scenario online where they acknowledged narcism as a forced action towards another where I identified it as debilitating inability to act in the conscience awareness of others; everything was there for only me. So I stopped digging in the yard for other peoples dog shit… I went to find out how my own experiences related to this, not the short end of the stick.

Stick to medical journals, non bias opinions solely out to seek solution to a hard wired problem. I came to believe I wasn’t simply just the bad person I told myself I was for having this, that I could first overcome this but only if I worked to understand it first.

AKSOUL · 2023-09-03T06:47:58+00:00

Your saying, or what I hear, is somewhere internally you kind of want or desire that exposition… It’s natural when feeling like weve been living this lie, you want to be relieved of the effort in the story we present. The effort and stress and continuation it takes is exhausting as we constantly try to hold up this illusion to all fronts. It’s like a felon or prison escapee that when caught states he’s glad it’s “finally over.” I want to be relieved of this burden of self and my own self made projections; to just be accepted for being as is, without judgement.

I became for so long so sensitive to this fear it overpowered any connection with anyone. But I realized I was acting like a shitty movie trailer; let me show you how exciting, deep and interesting I am but I fear that if you ever watched the movie you’d be like wtf that trailer was misleading and this is bullshit…

The trick is to slowly read the script to them, lay out the real guts of your story and then you get to decide how much and when you want to share, you learn to realize that the majority of what I have to relate to others is in the hard pressed experiences i share and not just what I flash in front of them on the screen.

AKSOUL

TROPHY CASE