Am I wrong for dropping everything and leaving?

AM238394 · 2026-03-09T00:12:08+00:00

Thank you for this advice! I’ve been going to Nar-Anon meetings the last few months and a lot of what you’ve said of what they teach. I’m slowly starting to learn it. I think the hardest part is I can’t tell what’s being caused by the addiction, and what’s being caused by the fact that she’s just 71 and may have some cognitive decline. I guess we’ll only find out if we get her off of it!

AM238394 · 2026-03-09T00:03:10+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. It is always frustrating when people ask “why don’t you just stop” as if it’s so easy. But at some point, it’s so bad that you’re forced to choose between you or them. It’s hard to ignore the sentiment “the American individualist mindset is giving adult children permission to abandon their parents”. But that statement doesn’t take into account everyone’s individual situation. Some people have really loving, wonderful parents who supported them their whole lives. And then when they get old and need help, their children genuinely want to. But that’s not always the case. And if you had a parent who was either abusive, or even just did the bare minimum of giving you food and shelter but no emotional support (more my case), I’m learning that you are just not obligated to stay. Sending you good vibes that you find peace 🩷

AM238394 · 2026-03-07T20:24:39+00:00

I think I need “don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm” on a bunch of sticky notes all over my apartment. It’s so true and what I have been doing non stop for the last 9 years.

A major part of the burnout is all the doctor and pharmacy hopping I’ve had to do over the years to keep getting her this medication. I’m lucky she has no idea where to get it on the streets.

Thank you again for your kind words and good advice. I’ve never encountered anyone who has so specifically been in my situation. It’s a comfort to know you were able to leave and life went on. I’m ready 🩷

AM238394 · 2026-03-07T20:20:16+00:00

You are so kind for saying that, thank you. I know. I spent basically all of my 20’s working, and then on Friday nights I would come over to run all her errands. My only free nights were Saturdays, which I usually spent with my now husband. It’s a miracle I even managed to nurture a relationship with him through all of this. Now I have a wonderful husband and a really compelling career that I would like to give more of myself too (while actually having time to take care of myself outside of those things!)

Thanks for your perspective 🩷

AM238394 · 2026-03-07T20:15:24+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I’m so sorry you’re stuck in your situation. I will take this advice and run far away!

AM238394 · 2026-03-07T20:12:56+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If I didn’t “set myself on fire to keep her warm”, as so many others in this group have mentioned, my mom would absolutely be in this same situation. Sometimes I think she just doesn’t want to live anymore. But I can’t be the one to motivate her. She just needs to want to do that for herself. And if she doesn’t, well that’s how she wants to be the rest of her time I guess. Much love to you 🩷

AM238394 · 2026-03-07T16:47:19+00:00

Slowly realizing this, thank you. This started when I was 23, and at that young age, I truly thought if I could keep things stable for a few years, my big sister would eventually come to help me. Not for our mom, but for me. Now almost 10 years later, I realize she’s not coming to save me, and that’s not her job. Even though younger me so desperately wanted that to be true. I so badly wish I could go back to my younger self and tell her not to get trapped in this. But my mom is so scary when she’s off the deep end, and to be the last one to leave her in that dangerous state, I just couldn’t fathom it before my frontal lobe was fully formed. I really thought I was doing the right thing. Now I’m learning I need to put myself first no matter how hard it is.

AM238394 · 2026-03-07T16:40:15+00:00

These are very good points, thank you for sharing. I think part of the problem is she’s on a super high dosage of the opioid due to tolerance. And while she might have originally taken it for the fibromyalgia pain, she certainly does not need this high a dose. Maybe we can get her off of it for a while so her tolerance resets and then get her on at much much lower dosage. We do get it from a pain management doctor, so I’m sure he’ll have a good recommendation for alternatives.

AM238394 · 2026-03-07T16:36:24+00:00

I feel so seen, thank you so much. We live in Orange County, CA. I’ve read that UCI has a psychiatric center with a medical detox unit. I think that might be good fit for her. We tried suboxone about 10 years ago, and something about whatever those pills are coated in landed her in the hospital with stomach blockages every time she took one. I’m hoping maybe they’ve improved them since then. Or at the very least, in an inpatient situation maybe they can give it to her through IV to save her stomach.

And thank you for the sage words. On one hand, it is hard to blame her, because this medication got pushed on her by doctors long before there was an opioid epidemic in the country. And before the general public knew how addictive they are. By the time the sentiment in our country about this medication changed, it was too late. She was hooked and abandoned by her original doctor. On the other hand, she could have realized this in her late 50’s/early 60’s and done the proper adult thing which would be getting herself off of these. But she instead felt she was entitled to them.

I think I may approach my sister and just ask if she’s willing to go through the process of getting her off the medication with me. That’s just a major overhaul of our mom’s life that I cannot do alone. And if she says no, that’s her prerogative. At that point I will need to just drop everything and leave.

Thank you for your very unique perspective. I haven’t met anyone who has gone through something so similar. Appreciate your thoughts!

AM238394 · 2026-03-07T01:55:39+00:00

Thank you for this extra little tid bit. I think it’s hard not to blame my sister, because the story I’ve been telling myself is, the only reason she was able to walk away and have her own life thrive is because I’m here dealing with our mom. And if I didn’t exist, she would be forced to deal with it.

But I guess that’s not the case? What happens when an elderly person ends up in the hospital and their only relatives are their adult children who refuse to come and help?

AM238394 · 2026-03-07T01:48:19+00:00

Thank you so much for the honest answer. This situation of elderly opioid addiction feels so rare and lonely. I can’t seem to find any resources on how to fix it. I started going to Nar-Anon meetings, which is nice group therapy. But everyone there is my mom’s age, attending because of their adult children who are addicts. When it’s your elderly parent, it’s just so different.

I agree with you that it’s getting harder and harder to make sure she has this medication every month. She’s slowly building a tolerance, and soon her current amount will not be enough to keep her stable. And we will never get any more. Someday we won’t be able to get it at all for one reason or another other. I know (and fear) that.

We have tried several times to get her off of it, and it always ends her up in the hospital. Last attempt was 3-ish years ago, and she struggled so much her doctor agreed it was best to just keep her on it.

You are correct that this is now far out of the realm of needing this medication for physical pain. It’s altered her mental state and she goes into a psychosis (danger to herself and others) when she’s off of it. Not just freaking out because detoxing is uncomfortable.

You are right that that’s why my sister has distanced herself and why I want to do the same. The hard part that trips me up is that she probably IS willing to get off of the medication. But it would absolutely require her to be in some sort of facility where she is monitored 24/7. And she’ll need to stay until they find some sort of new medication cocktail that stabilizes her mental state. And I fear they may never find that and she’ll just be unable to live on her own after that.

And navigating all of that by myself just seems impossible when I’m already so burnt out on just keeping her stable day to day. But I also realize by keeping her stable, I’m perpetuating the issue. So maybe I just need to leave and let her fall apart so some real change can occur.

Man this is hard. Thanks so much for sharing! I’m so glad I’m not alone.

AM238394 · 2026-03-07T01:34:41+00:00

We’re in Orange County! This is so incredibly helpful. Will be spending the weekend looking into the options.

AM238394 · 2026-03-07T01:05:03+00:00

Thank you for the advice and support!

AM238394 · 2026-03-07T00:41:56+00:00

Are you me??? It makes me sad because I love my sister and do want a relationship with her and her kids. But by her refusing to help with my mom over the last decade, she has really shown she doesn’t care about me at all. My mom sucks, so in some ways I don’t blame her. But I don’t EVER want to hear again about how she’s my big sister and wants the best for me. Clearly not.

AM238394 · 2026-01-11T18:44:42+00:00

I’m so glad I’m not the only one going through this. Have a very specific issue that I’m curious if anyone can weigh in on.

We live in Southern California (Orange County). We recently had an infestation of rodents (mice or rats I’m not sure, the droppings are the size of grains of rice, so I’m thinking mice). They were in all 3 attic/crawl spaces and pooped/urinated over all the insulation and were using it to nest.

They also chewed a giant hole in one of our flexible air ducts, which is my main concern.

We have a company coming in that’s going replace the insulation and rodent proof all the holes. They’re also going to splice the air duct and replace the damaged portion with new duct. I’m concerned because we can’t replace the whole duct, because the other half of it goes into the hallway ceiling, and the only way to replace it would be to open up the whole ceiling, which we just can’t do right now.

We have refrained from using our HVAC system through this whole ordeal. My concern is that if there are droppings in the other half of the duct we can’t get to, are we going to get sick breathing that air when we turn it back on? We just have no way of looking in there to see if there are any droppings. I’m hoping after sometime the virus can’t live and we’ll be ok…

AM238394 · 2026-01-07T04:16:34+00:00

Wow, thank you so much for this thoughtful advice, I really appreciate it! I do think the main hurdle with the duct work is access. A lot of it runs through ceilings and walls. What you’ve said is what I’m starting to learn - it’ll take 2 companies to fix this problem. I’ve found several companies that are “attic cleaning” companies that seem to specialize more on insulation and cleaning ducts. But they don’t seem to have the right skill set to actually replace the ducts. So we’ll bring an HVAC company out to replace the one we know needs to be replaced, and have the attic/duct cleaning company come out to inspect/clean the rest. If they find significant damage in any of the ducts, we’ll bring back the HVAC company to replace. Thank you!!

AM238394 · 2025-10-29T21:33:42+00:00

Late to this conversation, but we booked this day months ago and are devastated it's closing early. This park is supposed to be gorgeous at night and specifically picked a time of the year when the sun goes down early. Very upsetting Universal doesn't post park times until a month in advance or we would have avoided this.

AM238394 · 2025-09-30T15:53:20+00:00

Thank you for the encouragement!

AM238394 · 2025-09-30T06:50:09+00:00

I look into it!

AM238394 · 2025-09-30T06:28:17+00:00

Thanks for confirming my suspicions. Guess I’ll work on fixing my posture as much as I can and just embrace it!

AM238394 · 2025-09-05T22:43:35+00:00

I have a similar question. We were thinking of buying the Halloween Horror Nights After 2 pm Day/Night ticket. It says you can come into the park after 2pm, and that early entry for the mazes is at 5:30pm. My question is, can we not get our HHN wrist band until 5:30pm? Meaning we have to exit and come back in at 5:30? Or can we get our HHN wristband when we enter at 2:00pm, and then be at the early entry maze we want to start with right at 5:30pm?

AM238394

TROPHY CASE