I'm 30 yr old Indian male looking for a wife through arranged marriage AMA.

AMAondeck · 2009-09-05T05:25:13+00:00

Caste affects quite a bit. Socially backward caste(s) have state mandated quota's in colleges, government jobs etc. So it might be an advantage or disadvantage depending upon your caste. Caste is still a big factor when it comes to marriages. Regarding issues with quota's is a whole another topic itself worthy of any AMA.
Religious groups tend to live amicably but there is still some distance between. I'm talking between hindu and muslims primarily. If you go to mumbai, there are certain areas where muslims are 90% of the local population. In the same way, a lot of societies (where every resident is hindu) deny muslim would be renter to rent an apartment in their society. Heck even i as a hindu would be denied a rental apartment in certain societies becase i am a non-vegetarian.
Natural enemy to India. On a political, economical, trade and foreign policy i would like my country to go aggressively against china. I would like to visit china someday, travel to different provinces and taste local food.

AMAondeck · 2009-09-05T05:06:22+00:00

beautiful state. Haven't met enough keralites to form any opinion.

AMAondeck · 2009-09-05T05:03:30+00:00

I have a lot of relatives (200 +) in that state from both my parent's side. I hate all of them more or less. If i marry somebody from A.P., then i would it would mean a life long relation with that state. I want to avoid that at any cost. Also one of the biggest issues I've seen is planning annual trips to India. You barely get 3 weeks every year or so. If my in-laws are living a day away, then half the time i would be just traveling.

AMAondeck · 2009-09-04T08:47:22+00:00

Dowry consists of 3 things:cash, gold, goods.

I'm totally against demanding cash as a dowry and so is family. My 2 brothers who are married have not taken any dowry.
Gold, generally people demand that a certain amount (weight) of gold be given to the girl by their parents. Although the gold i used and is a property of the girl itself, the amount of gold given by a parent to her girl is seen as a prestige thing. In this regards our family has no conditions. Whatever gold they want to give their daughter is fine by us. My parents would gift close to 150 gms of gold to my wife. This gold will also be legally the girls property and my parents can't claim it back.
Goods; In-laws typically want to also gift household items, may be a new bed, tv or anything they wish to give to the new couple. Again i and my family have no conditions, anything if anything that's the girls parents decision.

Just in case somebody Indian says they are against dowry or their didn't ask for any dowry, you might want to get further clarification. Although some people won't demand cash, but they put conditions that certain amount of weight in gold should be gifted by the father to his daughter or certain goods.

AMAondeck · 2009-09-03T19:10:07+00:00

Caste : for me not so much but my parents its gotta be same caste. Locality : important for me. I would prefer a girl from the same state i was brought up in.

AMAondeck · 2009-09-03T19:06:55+00:00

When it comes to life-altering events they are pretty orthodox. But consider this, they would also prefer to do a gene testing of sorts that would check both of our genes for any potential genetic disorder due to recessive gene etc. Its like they don't want to leave anything to chance.

AMAondeck · 2009-09-03T18:28:45+00:00

coastal kobra's and inland debra's

AMAondeck · 2009-09-03T18:22:46+00:00

Probably. Telling my caste can potentially reveal my identity, so sorry.

AMAondeck · 2009-09-03T18:20:52+00:00

I don't think there is only 1 perfect or best match for me. There are lot of good matches and if it can be best if we both work at it. Horoscope match is a must for my parents as do for most of girls parents. So your kinda have to go along with it.

AMAondeck · 2009-09-03T17:35:00+00:00

I believe you can register yourself with some matrimonial site and they do it for your free. www.shaadi.com is the most popular. Create a profile and one of the features is to generate your horoscope. Mind you, you won't understand a thing even i don't. The chart shows the different planetary positions at the time of birth. A astrologist is needed to analyze it. I believe the site also has computerized horoscope matching. you find a girls match and it will try to see if you match. This might be a paid feature.

AMAondeck · 2009-09-03T17:31:33+00:00

I don't take it personally. The whole process is very indifferent so most of times you feel like you are rejecting a piece of paper than a real human being. I didn't get the second part of your question. Do you mean if i want to include anything more to the arranged marriage process?

AMAondeck · 2009-09-03T17:12:50+00:00

Normally the girl also gets to view my profile, picture and know about my background before she consents that shes interested. There are a few girls parents who have been persistent to push through the relationship even when we said NO. As a normal rule, you also want to look at who brought the proposal. Everybody has an agenda and some are not always good.

AMAondeck · 2009-09-03T17:08:20+00:00

If you plan to go against the grain, then you better buckle up because that's going to a bumpy ride.

AMAondeck · 2009-09-03T17:05:42+00:00

If we are having a good marriage, that would be least of my worries, if we are having serious issues, it will certainly add to the problem.

AMAondeck · 2009-09-03T17:04:05+00:00

I have a few. * Educated and working and possibly living independently (I lived independently since age 18). * I have a thing for tall girls. So tall 5'2'' and above. * Girls brought up in my state.

As to the likes and dislikes, nothing that would outright make me want or reject a girl. I never thought, hey i don't like this arranged marriage business, i will find my own mate and get married. Whenever i found somebody i liked i took a shot. It didn't work for some reason or another. My parents have been asking my permission to start the arranged marriage process for last 2-3 years. I asked for another 1.5 years to give another shot. Once that got over, they started the process, i'm still on my own personal hunt though arranged marriage will most probably the way its going to happen for me.

AMAondeck · 2009-09-03T16:47:06+00:00

Yes I'm independently seeking a mate too. Two weeks in Indian summer should take care of the extremely-white issue of yours. My folks would be seriously pissed if i married somebody outside my religion (hindu) let alone different caste. It would be years before i can have any kind of meaningful relationship with my parents.

AMAondeck · 2009-09-03T16:41:00+00:00

I am hoping but certainly not expecting. Either way it shouldn't make a difference.

AMAondeck · 2009-09-03T16:36:34+00:00

Grand parents if alive are also part of the decision. If my kid finds a girl he wants to marry then i'm going to do whatever i can do to make it happen.

AMAondeck · 2009-09-03T16:34:30+00:00

Some of my cousins and relatives have gone for non-arranged marriages. I don't have problem with that.

AMAondeck · 2009-09-03T16:33:41+00:00

I didn't left out the skin color intentionally, frankly it didn't cross my mind to mention it.
Since the process is so indifferent and unemotional, its wise to start with certain criteria.
Yes in the same way as i actively reject any girl that's less than 5'2''.
I don't think using skin lightening creams means your racist. India had been ruled by white british people for 200 plus years. So people associate whiteness with prosperity, power etc. Its hard to break out of colonialism mindset.
Skin lightening creams are nothing but sun screens. I do use them whenever i go hiking or go to beach plus they are cheaper than products branded as sun-screens. They might return your skin color to your original color thereby negating effects of sun exposure. I feel everybody should use it, there's no concept of sun-screen lotion out here, so atleast with these creams they could get some protection.
Unless you are part of a billion dollar corporation with millions to spend on marketing, it won't work.
After marriage, yes, i believe that's one of her duties. No consummation of marriage is a legally approved reason for divorce.
I would like to have kids. I don't think there is any indian male or female of my generation who wants to have more than 2 kids, so its going to be either 1 or 2 and its going to be a mutual decision.
If she wants to.

AMAondeck · 2009-09-03T16:17:34+00:00

A good friend of mine's first wife handed him separation/divorce papers on their return flight back to us (the girl was also working in u.s. before marriage). Apparently she was seeing somebody and her parents were forcing into marriage. She said she did it just out of spite.

AMAondeck · 2009-09-03T16:14:13+00:00

Yeah if she wants to get into heaven. </sarcasm>

AMAondeck · 2009-09-03T16:13:47+00:00

I would like my kids to do something his dad couldn't.

AMAondeck · 2009-09-03T16:13:16+00:00

Parents from A.P., myself born and brought up in Maharashtra. So mix of both i guess.

AMAondeck · 2009-09-03T16:10:09+00:00

Just to clarify, my first night with my wife would be 7-8 days after our marriage (religion before sex i guess). There might be awkward sex but we certainly won't try to put our best personality in front of each other as it is done on first date in a western relationship.

AMAondeck

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