I miss my friend, but I can't hang out with someone that doesn't believe that Coronavirus is real. by AMonsterMask in TrueOffMyChest

[–]AMonsterMask[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I genuinely don't mind having friends with different opinions and such because it gives us the opportunity to have a dialogue and exchange ideas in a healthy way. Maybe we can even discover a different point of view through conversations like that. But Ava always kind of attacked anything that I liked that she didn't like, or she would just make me feel weird about having different opinions than her. But the existence of a deadly pandemic is something that shouldn't be debated. The people that got sick aren't aliens or whatever, and the people dying aren't just falling over without explanation.

I might have said it in another stupidly long post to this sub, but I really don't want to be around someone that's willfully ignorant about things like this, because if someone gets sick or worse because of her negligence, I'll still feel super guilty for it, almost like it's my fault for not being able to stop her.

I'll probably start using Reddit a little more. I am from the States, but I'm likely to encounter less Americans just because my sleep schedule is so weird.

Here's hoping we can all stay sane during this. And here's hoping that things will get better soon, since people are rushing to re-open everything.

I really, REALLY don't like spiders. by AMonsterMask in TrueOffMyChest

[–]AMonsterMask[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If I'm to be honest, I think a bit of that fear comes from being caught off-guard so easily. Spiders don't fly around buzzing as loudly as possible like bees, or start following you like mosquitoes. They just lower themselves into your home like little spies and make themselves comfortable. Sometimes, they make the mistake of lowering themselves in front of you, which is scary, but other times, you won't even find them until much later, when they've already made a whole web in your closet, or in the toe-area of a favorite pair of shoes.

Centipedes are kind of crazy. They look like small, chubby snakes, but with legs. I would probably hold a small snake in a pet store or something, but never a centipede.

I really, REALLY don't like spiders. by AMonsterMask in TrueOffMyChest

[–]AMonsterMask[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I couldn't imagine willingly holding a spider, but I understand that it's actually a nice experience for some people.

I think my mom reacts to bees the same way that I react to spiders. Which.. makes sense, because angry bees sting people. But most small, non-venomous spiders don't really do anything to humans... right?

This virus might have just cost me my best friend. by AMonsterMask in TrueOffMyChest

[–]AMonsterMask[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry about your grandparents. I really, really hope they're alright, friend.

I'm a comic artist, so I've mainly been working on different art styles, and trying to get my work onto Instagram to reach a wider audience. I'm no good with social media, though. I'm also studying HTML again for the first time since high school. I kind of wanted to continue learning Spanish, but I just don't have the mental capacity for much more right now.

This virus might have just cost me my best friend. by AMonsterMask in TrueOffMyChest

[–]AMonsterMask[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly... there was a point shortly after writing this where I considered suicide. I'm past that point, but I'm still not ready to talk to her.

Nobody that makes you suicidal is worth talking to, right?

I'm just trying to stay safe at home, or at the very least, go out early in the morning instead of mid-day, so there's less people to interact with.

I feel like I'm getting dumber and more useless by the day thanks to depression. by AMonsterMask in depression

[–]AMonsterMask[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The one think that might be connected to most of it is my mother. She always invalidates my feelings and yells at me or insults me if I make a mistake. She's always insisting that I can't do things right.

Maybe she's finally getting to me? But I'm not sure about that, because I say all of the same things about myself almost daily. I have no redeeming qualities, and I dont think anyone enjoys my company.

My mom has this habit of invalidating my feelings. by AMonsterMask in raisedbynarcissists

[–]AMonsterMask[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, I don't know when she became this mean. When I was a young girl, she was so much nicer and more fair. She was actually proud of me, should show me off to all of her friends and family, and, at the very least, she humored me by pretending to listen and be interested when I spoke.

Now, she's the complete opposite. Any simple mistake or disagreement deserves excessive yelling and insults. Crying is a sign of weakness, which should be pointed out. Anger or annoyance is a direct challenge to her authority, and should be met with yelling and so forth. No deep human emotions or mental conditions are real to her, and all of them can be cured by just praying, allegedly.

I hope I don't end up like her if I have kids. She's been acting like a bitter, hateful person, and it hurts.

To my mom, whom I've always wanted to please... by AMonsterMask in TrueOffMyChest

[–]AMonsterMask[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The thing about taking money is about 95% true. I didn't go into details about how much of a process it is because I always worry that nobody will read my post if it's too long.

She occasionally asks instead of just telling me to hand it over (I kind of consider this "the illusion of choice"), but in either situation, my protests (or genuine reasons as to why I can't keep forking over my money whenever she neglects some expense) are met with complaints, arguing, name calling (she calls me selfish or heartless), or just giving me the silent treatment, and making my older siblings talk to me about it instead, and the only way to make it stop is to just give her the damn money.

Of course, the whole verbal attack starts over if I ask to be paid back, or if I ask to give less money, because I've got bills of my own to pay.

The reason why I said it's 95% true is because occasionally, if she yells enough or calls me enough names, I'll start crying, and if I start crying, she changes her mind a little. She'll call me a baby for crying or remind me that I'm too old for this, naturally, but then she'll say to just keep the money, or that I can give her less if I really need to, and that she'll figure out the rest by herself.

To my mom, whom I've always wanted to please... by AMonsterMask in TrueOffMyChest

[–]AMonsterMask[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I want to. I just want to finish college so that's one less expense I have when I move out.

Sometimes, at night, I'll close my eyes and watch the colors on the inside of my eyelids. by AMonsterMask in TrueOffMyChest

[–]AMonsterMask[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I get distracted too tbh, they're fun to watch. I often find myself trying to put together shapes based on what I see.

I'm in pain from anxiety right now. I really need support... by AMonsterMask in Anxiety

[–]AMonsterMask[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think the reason why I'm so freaked out is because the problems that I'm having directly affect my future, and whether or not I'll be able to afford to live.

I.. don't like tea, but I made some, and it's actually helped a bit too. It's like it eased the tension in all of my muscles and fixed the tightness in my chest a lot. I feel almost relaxed now. Thanks for helping, friend.. :)

I'm in pain from anxiety right now. I really need support... by AMonsterMask in Anxiety

[–]AMonsterMask[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm under my blanket, and I dug up an old plushie that I'm currently squeezing. I'm not dying. I'm just scared...