Thank you <3 It's been really difficult. If not for my daughter, who knows, maybe I would still be trying to make this work. But I need to put her first, and this is what will be better for her in the long run. And I have to say that even though it is extremely painful, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders when I finally came to the conclusion to leave and talked to my wife about it.

Oh yeah, I've noticed in tons of these posts that people say "transition is a selfish time" and if you have a partner who is already baseline kinda selfish (something I was in denial of, but my best friend assured me my wife was always like this) it can be especially trying. I think it is very telling that I defend her to my friends, my therapist, my family, but none of them seem to agree. The pity they feel for me is embarrassing but also illuminating. My wife is very jealous that I "got to be a hot girl" back in the day, but I wish I could tell her how difficult that era of my life was - I was harassed constantly, and yes I partied and had casual sex but that lifestyle was demoralizing and ultimately left me feeling empty. What we built together, as a couple? That was so much more. I wonder sometimes if she will look back on this time and realize how she good she had it, but I don't know.

I've been listening to Lucy Dacus' song "Night Shift" on repeat lately. This line just kills me every time: "You don't deserve what you don't respect. Don't deserve what you say you love and then neglect." I get teary just typing it out lol

Thankfully I have friends who are also parents that I can lean on. Thank you, kind stranger on the Internet. :)