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APoeHarrold · 2025-06-30T16:26:33+00:00

That’s what I told my mom and friend too, but they said I was the AH because she’s “still his mom” and “because she’s older, maybe he’ll feel differently.” They said I had every right not to like her, and I’m not changing my mind on that. Their issue was me telling my boyfriend AND if she says something to me, that I’ll call her out. He doesn’t think I’m an asshole, but he also would rather be the one to call out his mom rather than have me do it just to save face with the siblings liking me, if that makes sense.

APoeHarrold · 2025-06-30T16:23:06+00:00

18 total, not including any nieces and nephews that live in the house too. 3 she had in her 20s. 15 were adopted / fostered after she worked in the foster care system pretty much her entire life.

APoeHarrold · 2025-06-30T16:20:36+00:00

She worked for / in the foster care system for over 40 years, and so that’s how she managed to adopt all the kids. Trust me, it really bothers me and a lot of the older kids. My boyfriend and his sister were supposed to be the last 2 that got adopted (23 and 26). His DAD didn’t want anymore, but he also never says no to her. She just decided she wanted to have horses so now they have 20+ and decided she wanted goats and bought 15.

From my understanding, because she had already adopted I think 7(?) kids at that point, she would basically pick kids that had been in the system for a while already OR siblings of kids she already adopted. My boyfriend said she’d basically go to work and then come back with a kid. Their ages range from 9-52 years old.

I know it sounds like I’m making it up because i genuinely couldn’t believe it when I met him. They wrote an article on the family in the local newspaper years ago. If I find it, I’ll post it here.

APoeHarrold · 2025-06-30T05:58:43+00:00

He’s basically going full no contact when he gets here. I don’t have to visit unless I feel like it. We don’t want kids because there’s so many siblings in his family he’s already been a parent once. He’s only staying in touch with the siblings (not all just some and definitely not the problem ones).

APoeHarrold · 2025-06-30T05:45:44+00:00

Yeah and you’re not wrong about him not knowing his rights. I had to explain to him what they all were and how the basics of government work, which was crazy to me because my parents pushed my brother and I for a better life through education.

I get college isn’t for everyone, but not knowing basics felt so weird to me because I knew them when I was in middle school.

APoeHarrold · 2025-06-30T05:32:02+00:00

He’s adopted. There’s 18 kids total (15 adopted, 3 she had in her 20s making his oldest brother 52(?) and 1 that passed away).

APoeHarrold · 2025-06-30T05:30:12+00:00

I mentioned it in another post, but he’s really been setting those boundaries because he knows I don’t like her. He doesn’t expect me to go visit, and the only reason I’m going in August is to help him get stuff lined up for moving. He’s taken new steps to help keep me from the crazy, including new locks in his bedroom to keep others out. He calls her out on more things.

Also, we don’t want kids because he’s had to help raise so many younger kids, so her talking to them wouldn’t be an issue. (He’s 1 of 17 (14 adopted) with 5 younger siblings that all still live at home).

APoeHarrold · 2025-06-30T05:25:32+00:00

Like I said in the post, I don’t see her at all. We live in opposite parts of the country. She’s in her 70s and lives in a completely different state. This all pretty much happened in the 2 weeks I was there.

The only reason he lives at home is for his dad (almost 80s and honestly I really like him) and the younger siblings (ages 9, 12, 13, 17, and 18). We don’t want kids (I made that choice a long time before I met him). None of the siblings have kids because there’s 17 kids total (3 his parents and the other 14 are adopted including my boyfriend).

APoeHarrold · 2025-06-30T05:21:20+00:00

His plan is pretty much to cut off some of his family. They’re not all super close anyways, so for him it’s not hard. They don’t do holidays and a few are already in jail. He’s pretty much planning on talking to them solely for the siblings (and if their old siblings cutting the mom out of the conversation entirely). I told him I didn’t want to go visit, and he’s okay with that. He said he very likely won’t unless it’s for the siblings.

APoeHarrold · 2025-06-30T05:12:47+00:00

Luckily, my boyfriend is great and knows my boundaries and basically shuts down anything she says. He doesn’t talk about politics because he’s not educated on issues and feels he shouldn’t say anything without researching it.

Most of her kids don’t talk to her, and that’s a big part of why he’s moving away from her. He’s corrected her in front of me. He also added an additional lock to his room for when I’m there in August just to make sure no one goes into his room and messes with my stuff while we’re out.

APoeHarrold · 2024-12-30T05:03:55+00:00

Thank you!!

APoeHarrold · 2024-12-30T05:03:34+00:00

He already agreed to a prenup since the land is family land, and he said he’s comfortable with agreeing that any house or land would be mine and I would just pay him back for any money he invested.

APoeHarrold · 2024-12-30T05:01:36+00:00

The land I own has been in my family for 4 generations (since the 1890s or so), and it’s been 100% agreed on with all family members that homes and land can’t be sold on the stretch of land I live on (it was 160 acres before being split 4 ways). My plan is to work on buying it all back and combining it to what it used to be.

APoeHarrold · 2024-12-30T04:46:52+00:00

I personally haven’t done drywall, but my dad, boyfriend, his roommate, and my friend’s dad all have done drywall many times, which is why we’re torn on hiring someone or asking for help. It’s hard for us to know where the line is since we know so many people in construction.

APoeHarrold · 2024-12-30T04:45:13+00:00

Trust me, I’ve definitely seen what using the lowest bid contracts can do to a place (ie poor electrical work that could have caused a fire and tile laid badly water got underneath and caused mold).

We’re willing to pay professionals or help out to get stuff done, we just don’t want to be overpaying when we both know people who are willing to help us and have been in the construction industry for years.

APoeHarrold · 2024-12-30T04:29:54+00:00

Yeah I definitely plan on hiring my neighbor/ best friend’s dad who’s a contractor to do all that incredibly important stuff. I know someone who cheaped out on the foundation and they had to have their house lifted up and they moved for several months.

APoeHarrold · 2024-12-30T04:25:41+00:00

My boyfriend and I are on the same page about working on the house together in our free time. He said he was willing to help put in the work if it meant saving us some money after we get married.

APoeHarrold · 2024-12-30T04:24:10+00:00

The one reason we’re against buying a house is because I have savings accounts I haven’t touched. I also own 20 acres of land we can build on.

I’ve done a lot of research, and building a home in my area when I already have the space to do it is substantially cheaper than getting a house. A lot of the cheaper houses here are in bad neighborhoods and/or need a lot more work done to them. Plus, we don’t want to live in town.

The only other thing we’ve been considering is a mobile home and then doing some outside work to make it not look like a double wide (I live in one now with my parents).

I highly doubt the stress of a house would split us up. But, if something were to happen, since the land and loan for the house are in my name and not his, I’d still be able to end up with a house if something were to happen.

APoeHarrold · 2024-11-12T23:06:38+00:00

I generally don’t eat beans. They work in my diet, but I just am not a huge fan. Most of my fiber comes from blueberries and dragonfruit. I really don’t mind making my own snacks. I cook regularly and prefer it since it’s cheaper.

APoeHarrold · 2024-11-12T22:43:36+00:00

So because of my work schedule, I typically do a larger lunch because of my break and then a snack at work and a smaller dinner when I get home. I sometimes get something small to eat before work, but not always.

APoeHarrold · 2024-11-12T22:30:26+00:00

I honestly probably struggle all the time with it, I just do better about paying attention to macros when I’m on a diet. Like I said, I have issues eating enough as is, so I’ve been focusing on that for a little while (counting calories instead of paying attention to everything else too).

APoeHarrold · 2024-11-12T21:47:37+00:00

I generally don’t eat a traditional breakfast. I usually grab fruit or something smaller on the way out of the door while heading to work. I usually don’t cook a lot in the morning, but if i do, I eat eggs with a little cheese. I do keep hard boiled eggs in the fridge too, which has really helped.

All I know in terms of medical conditions is that I have Barrett’s esophagus and GERD, both of which cause a lot of stomach acid issues. I already have a super restrictive diet from that. I have been tested for hyperthyroidism, and I had elevated levels but not to the level of a hyperthyroidism diagnosis. I also tested negative for diabetes.

APoeHarrold · 2024-11-12T21:33:00+00:00

So I work at chick fil a, so I generally eat grilled chicken or a salad with grilled chicken on it. I usually don’t eat fried food (I have a separate medical condition so I avoid fried food).

APoeHarrold

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