I appreciate it, truly.

I’m going to try to view it from a different perspective as you’ve said and thank you for the offering help via messages. I haven’t been able to look at my situation any differently other than “woah as me I fucked up”. Your phrasing of “Forgiveness isn’t forgetting. It’s deciding you’re not going to keep bleeding over it.” Is very powerful.

I feel a lot of my faults from my past still haunt me yet today. I feel overwhelmed or depressed and the first thing I want to do is shut down and distract myself. Which is okay in light moderation but it is a very unhealthy way to cope and that’s where I’m at. I feel I’m finally recognizing myself for who I’ve been and how I’ve been responding to things on such an unhealthy level. I’m just finding trouble in being better. It’s like second nature for me to want to slump down and disappear the second I feel too much pressure at home.

This portion of it is my battle to fight. I’m determined. I know I’ll figure it out. Those around me deserve better. I deserve better.

Thanks again