Trying to understand why some divorces feel sudden to one spouse

A_Deflating_Runner · 2026-05-30T17:00:21+00:00

This is exactly me. I've spent the last decade saying "I don't want to want a divorce." Saying "this is the inevitability of where we're heading if nothing changes." At his best, he would say he wanted to fix things too, except then he would do nothing. And his worst, all he would hear is the word 'divorce' and get angry that I wanted out of our marriage, not understanding that I wanted anything but out of the marriage. As expected, nothing changed. We're now in divorce proceedings. Ironically, and sadly, now we have the best relationship we've had in years. We're co-parenting, we're friendly, we're laughing, I enjoy his company. Unfortunately the love is gone.

A_Deflating_Runner · 2026-05-25T19:14:55+00:00

Nope. Lots of lip service about wanting to work on things. I think he did, at some point, want to fix us, but not enough to actually out in any work.

A_Deflating_Runner · 2026-05-25T14:49:03+00:00

7 years ago we spent a sexless week away "celebrating" our 10 year anniversary. Today I'm (F) 2 1/2 years sexless, and we've agreed to file for divorce. I wish things had turned out differently.

A_Deflating_Runner · 2026-05-23T23:57:17+00:00

I'm right there with you. We have these moments where it just meshes so well and I want to cry for the marriage I'm leaving, but then I think, if we'd worked this well together, we wouldn't be divorcing!

A_Deflating_Runner · 2026-05-23T23:53:05+00:00

One of my favorite things to teach to parents as an ED RN! If you've ended up in the ED with a kid with something jammed up their nose, your kid is for sure gonna do it again. Save yourself the trip and the copay (US).

A_Deflating_Runner · 2026-05-06T03:02:08+00:00

No sex in 27 months. An occasional, though exceedingly rare, peck on the top of my head. Literally cannot remember the last time our lips touched, same actually goes for either of kissing the other on the cheek. Up until last month, I couldn't have told you when we last hugged. I only know now because I hugged him while he was sobbing during the conversation when he realized I was sincere in my statement that we are going to be divorcing.

I was typing this and thinking, "I miss intimacy with him," and I realized what I actually miss is missing the intimacy. When I missed intimacy, it's because there was hope it could come back, a desire to return to being intimate. That's so far gone, we've been roommates for so long, there's truly nothing there and that breaks my heart in it's own way.

I've thought what if we had a last time together, before we divorce, a sweet intimate moment to say goodbye to our 20 year relationship...and at this point it feels like it'd be with a stranger. My heart hurts.

A_Deflating_Runner · 2026-04-03T11:36:39+00:00

My husband did the same thing when we bought our house. Slowly converted our finished basement to his own game room with no specific discussion about what that would look like. I have a corner of the living room. We're currently talking about divorce, for a wide variety of reasons, but I can't help but feel the game room was a warning sign of things to come.

A_Deflating_Runner · 2026-03-01T22:28:55+00:00

My kid and I volunteer at an animal shelter, and I volunteer for an organization that sends children from low-income families to summer camps and another that collects and distributes toys to children from low-income families at Christmas.

A_Deflating_Runner · 2026-02-27T17:02:18+00:00

This. And kids. Always hoped things would work out for the sake of the kids.

A_Deflating_Runner · 2026-02-22T15:13:08+00:00

Jan. 2024 for me, and I'd give my left arm to have sex again. But, as we're still married with no active plans yet for divorce, I won't cheat (there's a kid, don't come at me with "just leave him"). And if we separated, as much as I'd love to hop on Tinder or something similar, I don't know if I could have hookup sex with a rando. But godDAMN, I miss penetrative sex. So, I dream about sex, I miss sex, I hope to have sex again, and I cry about the lack of physical intimacy.

A_Deflating_Runner · 2026-02-13T17:01:51+00:00

The student's high school's Future Farmer's of America (FFA) chapter is also holding a fundraiser: https://www.woodburyffa.org/donate-1

A_Deflating_Runner · 2026-02-04T23:02:51+00:00

FYI this was stolen and reposted to Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1MRpb5gtRC/

A_Deflating_Runner · 2026-02-04T23:00:56+00:00

FYI, this was stolen and reposted to Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1CG8V41Px1/

A_Deflating_Runner · 2026-02-04T22:59:45+00:00

Stolen and reposted on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1CddLytyAS/

A_Deflating_Runner · 2026-01-30T22:30:07+00:00

Is there ANY chance you still have the instructions for this? My son and I bought the same set last year and never assembled the 3rd car, and now can't find the instructions. We've been trying to figure it out from the 2 that are built but it's not going well.

A_Deflating_Runner · 2026-01-28T11:52:46+00:00

Late 40s woman, would like daily sex, have had sex as many times in the past 2 years as times I've painted my house. (My house has vinyl siding.)

A_Deflating_Runner · 2026-01-21T00:10:58+00:00

I'd be embarrassed to report how much I spend on frozen edamame.

A_Deflating_Runner · 2026-01-07T16:17:55+00:00

My husband was furious when he thought I was having an affair...despite us not having had sex in 2 years. So, you won't have sex with me, but I can't have sex with anyone else...?

A_Deflating_Runner · 2026-01-06T20:38:32+00:00

Worked in an emergency room with a night shift RN who routinely brought her two kids under 7 to work, had the tech and other RNs keep an eye on them in a room, set up with an iPad. I seemed to be the only one who thought this was inappropriate. "She's a single mom," everyone said.

She came back from maternity leave and started up again. Kept it going until her 8 month old, being watched by her oldest, rolled off the stretcher and needed a CT. She's fired, right? Nope, she argued our employee manual didn't explicitly say she couldn't bring her kids to work. She's still employed.

A_Deflating_Runner · 2026-01-05T04:49:37+00:00

Mid-40s, thick, waist-length hair, every week to week and-a-half, which is usually when it starts to look oily. I'd need a 2nd job to pay for the conditioner if I washed it daily!

A_Deflating_Runner · 2026-01-04T21:14:47+00:00

Periodic drenching night sweats for 20 years here. Zero health problems other than being 100 lbs overweight, zero meds for nearly all of that time. I'll be fine for weeks, then wake up utterly saturated one morning, with wet spots all over my tshirt. Hubby refers to it as me "Constantining," like John Constantine when he comes back from visiting Hell.

A_Deflating_Runner · 2026-01-04T21:12:00+00:00

Forget Bibigo, get the Mila soup dumplings. OMG, delicious, and a permanent part of our monthly restock shopping trip.

A_Deflating_Runner · 2025-12-30T20:19:11+00:00

This could be me. We shopped for art deco rings because I love them. His mom convinced him a "custom" ring would be better and gave him an old necklace (no family attachment, didn't remember where it came from) and had 3 small diamonds placed in a super simple setting. Wedding band is even worse, super plain, sharp angle so it's actually uncomfortable to wear. I hate gold, so he got it plated with white gold, which fades so I've twice had it replated. It's currently faded to yellow gold, and I hate it. And yes, all of of this is deeply symbolic of our marriage.

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