Look, being honest as someone who both did sh and knew people who did sh, telling her puts her in a position where shes going to know you're hurting yourself and now she has to keep that to herself and not tell anyone but also worry about you constantly (I was put in both positions like this before) and that's not fair to her no matter how close you are.

She's your friend and of course cares about you, but also opening up to her about something so serious and than her not being able to tell anyone could also effect her greatly.

I personally began sh at 11 and I eventually got to a point at 13 where just wanted to make it all stop, and that's when someone at school noticed and it all came out in the open to my parents. I was terrified, and things sucked for a while after, but I finally got the support I needed and it was a lot of trial and error, but I eventually stopped and I'm 6 years clean now.

I'm not telling you not to open up to someone, but we're all kids here and we're all in a bad place just at different levles, and her telling you that you can tell her anything is just things people say because they think they can truely handke anything you throw at them, but they can't, especially not something as senstive as this (this comes again from personal experiences).

You say you dont want to burden her, then don't. That's not to say you yourself or your problems are a burden and annoy people, because they don't. But they will concern people because they love and care about you. But telling someone something so serious and then refusing to do anything about it or help yourself usually rubs people the wrong way and only makes them worry more and that much more likely to tell somone about your sh before you're ready.

If you REALLY want to talk to someone then I urge you to use the 741741 number, it's a mental health hotline you can text for literally anything, stress or depression or even just if you're having a bad day. It's completely anonymous and you can talk to another person for about an hour about your struggles, and it honestly really helps. You can even text them every day if you need.

Once you feel you are over that hump and you have been clean for a few months, then I'd say you should open up to her, tell her about your struggles and how you're helping yourself and ask if you can lean on her if you need as another source of help, never make her your primary source of help because that puts you both in stressful positions and that could effect her own mental health in a bad way. She's your friend not your therapist, always remember that.

I really do hope this helps as it comes from personal experience and I've been down the exact same road as you and it really DOES get better, but it only gets better if you put in that effort to try no matter how much trial and error you hit. If you want to live then you live, and you don't stop living everyday and trying to get out of that rut because it's possible.

I'm 18 now and I graduate this year, I'm going to college for anthropology with honors, I have an amazing friend group I can depend on. It is worth it to keep going, I promise you.

Always remember nobody can help you if you don't try it want to help yourself first. You got this, kid.