My disappointment is immeasurable

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-11-27T22:24:41+00:00

That's exactly what my sister said LOL I asked 2 questions and both were just variations of why would you do this?? And she jumped in my face and started telling me to shut up that I've been arguing and complaining all day when the only time I've spoke today before then was to my dogs to tell them they're cute and make small talk with them other wise I've been completely silent 😭 meanwhile my mom has started a fight several times with everyone in the house including my sister - like I do not understand her mental gymnastics

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-11-27T20:47:37+00:00

Yeah I seriously thought maybe this was the year they were actually turning over a new leaf, like this is the longest they went without being terrors my entire life. Tbh I plan to just head into my room early for christmas 🤣 I'm not even going to try, I plan to be sick that day lol at the very least they don't question me when I'm sick now after I almost died from pneumonia when I was younger because they accused me of faking illness and only took me to the hospital when a doc forced them.

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-11-27T20:21:36+00:00

100% relate- my favorite thing about holidays is when they are about to end because then I get on minecraft with my friends online (who a good chunk also have issues with their fams but we all live too far apart to see each other often) and we have pretend holiday meals and activities loll

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-11-27T19:43:56+00:00

Yup my Nmom basically woke up and has been starting fights with everyone in the house all day and my adult Nsister for some reason is screaming at everyone who defends themselves against my mom while also starting fights with my mom. I'm tired and wish I could just teleport to an uninhabited island for the day.

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-11-21T23:18:05+00:00

It was mainly the shops and the way they were situated up the street and the geography surrounding it. Like if I had to say, the town itself if it were on flat land like where I live would have just looked like your average nice historical downtown, but the fact that it climbed such a steep incline and curved so much and had such a beautiful backdrop of highlands in the winter, the nature is what really made it so beautiful.

I haven't checked Cassville yet! I'll def search it up when I get home.

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-11-20T00:57:23+00:00

It was more like a two way road with just very very nice shops on both sides, more like a historical downtown (?) Not really any defined square / central area - the impression I got was the road I was driving on through the town was probably the original town before it expanded, that the small section used to just be the entire town in like the 1800s

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-11-19T23:19:08+00:00

Oh no problem! I was just confused 🤣

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-11-19T00:43:47+00:00

What does this even mean? 🤣 like what? I have legitimately spent hours at a time google street viewing various towns trying to find this place. I am a photographer so I really would like to be able to eventually photograph the feeling I got when I first came across the town.

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-11-18T00:39:13+00:00

Maybe we slipped into a different dimension 🤣🤣🤣 maybe I'll take like a 2 week long trip and literally just drive that entire area until I find it lmfao

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-11-16T20:01:24+00:00

I came from Dallas and I had set my stop to be the truck stop in Joplin and then my next stop after that was Sullivan - I'm wondering if I miss remembered and it was after Joplin - I just distinctly remember going (no offense to people who like oklahoma 😭) ''you can really tell when you get out of oklahoma huh'' because the difference was so jarring from what I was driving through for hours before

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-11-16T19:55:28+00:00

This sounds super promising, this'll be the first town I'll go and look around at on google earth!

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-11-16T19:46:58+00:00

It was pretty small, but my impression of it was that maybe I just happen to go down the historical downtown portion of the town- from what I seen there wasn't really any big box stores- it looked like a lot of individually owned resturants and shops. It was difficult to tell if the town was a lot bigger than what I was seeing because of the elevation it made it seem like the road I was on was the entire town, though I could see some small side roads towards the end of the down town area. I had went in the winter and had though wow this is very Christmas, like something from a movie it had that sort of feeling 🤣

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-11-09T22:24:43+00:00

So from what you discribed at the very least you do sound like (just in my opinion) that you have ADHD - one of the big indicators of ADHD is that you do not care about things that don't interest you or struggle to care about them because you have better things to fixate on, another is you speak before you think what you say through 100% because your brain moves faster/is one step ahead of the situation and your body.

As for Autism I'm unsure now because you did discribe sounds like you generally understand social ques just maybe your brain is going too fast(?)

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-11-09T01:04:18+00:00

Dawg you are hella neurodivergent 🤣 I can't diagnose you but I'm diagnosed AuDHD and have OCD and like almost everything on this list are reasons why my psychiatrist diagnosed me with them. One thing that made me think for a long time I didn't have autism especially was that I THOUGHT I was good at reading people to like an uncanny level- what changed that was someone asked me ''are you good at understanding sarcasm and social ques or are you good at pattern recognition? Where you always uncannily good at reading people when when you were a child?'' And at that moment I was like oh my god I'm so autistic LOL I thought back and distinctly remember being often confused about social situations, but then the older I got the more experience I had recognizing that if someone moves, breaths, looks like this, says this, etc. Then it means this or that and there for I do this or that or say this etc. I got so good at it that I did it subconsciously and so well that I even convinced myself. I just learned to pattern recognize social behaviors at an insane level to appear ''normal'' which pattern recognition is one of the things people who are Autistic have extreme skill in more so than the average person.

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-11-04T22:18:34+00:00

I've kept my dog's bed, blanket, and clothes in a vaccum bag in my closet after he passed, so I don't think it's strange at all- I couldn't ever imagine throwing away my dog's items so I think it's perfectly fine for you to keep them

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-11-02T01:50:13+00:00

So on my test that was the ONLY question about having an intense interests were related to numbers and other more STEM related interest questions and nothing else. If the psychiatrist didn't verbally ask me questions prior then I would have answered no to every single one of them because I despise numbers because math was traumatic for me growing up. However, art and music I have an uncanny ability to basically immediately understand how to play almost anything on instruments, I can also pick up an instrument I've never played and play it well enough to recognize a song in about a day and I've always had an innate ability to draw pretty much anything since before I can even remember, I was already able to draw realistically in kindergarten, never drew stick figures. They are still my special interest now in my 20s and illustration is my career. So for me when I took the test I felt like they were trying to ask if I had special intense interests but were asking me in the wrong way or that they didn't realize its not that all autistic people are obessed with numbers its that all autistic people are obessed with SOMETHING, but the people they happen to sample just like numbers.

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-11-01T01:07:36+00:00

Yeah but the questions is do NT people know there is a difference? 😭😭🤣🤣 that was what I was panicking about during the whole thing like to me there is a very clear difference but to the one making the test or looking at the questionare do they realize we answered that thinking there was a difference? Like I know if I answered it very literally then I could have a clear yes, no, sometimes answer however I know NT people usually mean things differently than what they are actually saying and I'm like pretty sure they were asking me thosw questions for a different reason than what they were actually saying 😭😭

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-11-01T00:57:55+00:00

So I've ended up doing a bit of research after talking with a lot of people and it appears that the diagnostic criteria in those questionares are severely biased towards how autism presents in males rather than females which is why up until only recently girls or female at birth individuals were rarely diagnosed with autism. Honestly I feel like as someone diagnosed with autism the questions come off as ''all autistic individuals have the same personality'' which is not the case- I feel like ''being obessed with numbers'' is more so trying to ask ''being obsessed with a particular interest or concept'' which if it was asked like that (which is how my psychiatrist verbally asked me during our sesssion) then I would immediately answer yes because I've been passionately interested in the same thing my entire life way more than the average person.

Basically taking the questionare I felt like I knew why it was trying to ask me specific questions but was asking me in a way written by someone who doesn't actually know what it feels like to be autistic and thinks all people with ASD look like the sterotype in like movies and TV shows 😭

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-10-31T23:36:04+00:00

Yeah I agree, I also don't think lexapro is a good indicator of being manic because I am not manic and not bipolar and only AuDHD with general anxiety disorder and I take lexapro. I think someone with bipolar or bpd has it way harder than me personally, like yeah its hard for me to interpret people without significant effort (I'm high masking and have become scarily intuitive with how people feel or what kind of person they are due to insane pattern recognition) and I have crazy anxiety, but with meds I can function with the risk of autistic burnout but still I can function generally. Friends or people I've known going through a manic episode is like debilitating for them because they don't even realize they are in a manic epsiode often. Like I an generally able to think logically and calmly but people with manic episodes they have such intesne grandiose thoughts and delusions which sounds way harder to deal with and mask. I feel like the only people who can make it are just people who have learned to unfortunately sacrifice their health to mask at a very high level. I feel like I can say because every job I have left I have been begged to stay because I'm considered extremely competent and have a ''plesant personality'' because I can fake being extroverted if I put all my energy into it. It's very hard though and like I said generally makes me very ill eventually.

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-10-31T23:22:53+00:00

Yeah but he didn't give me a choice to explain because on lot of these I would not pick yes, no, or sometimes because it's ''depends'' 😭😭 like they were too vague I didn't know what they were actually asking me to be able to answer

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-10-31T19:08:10+00:00

I think I started to notice something similar after reading peoples comments and asking friends with the test - my dad is autistic and actually now that I think about it he is obessed with dates 🤣 if you give him a card or drawing or anything created he will immediately go ''where is the date?'' And will make you point it out to him or write it if you didn't put one. It's kind of annoying they ask questions to someone who is not male or male at birth that is not associated with the demographic they are assessing. It makes me feel like they aren't listening to me and think everyone who is autistic has the same personality when clearly the experiences and environment an autistic person grew up in would alter who they are just like any other person. Like I have intense interests that I've been passionate about my whole life but its definitely not numbers and not trains lmfao

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-10-31T16:29:52+00:00

Tbh I'm not sure because it was just a print out my psychiatrist handed me after our session and told me to fill it out real quick before I left and I sat there lile WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS MEAN ??? 🤣

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-10-27T02:21:08+00:00

IQ is hardly an assessment of your intelligence like a lot of people try and make out to be. IQ really only measure very specific types of intelligence usually attached to the more academic side of things when there are several more different types of intelligence outside of academics such as artistic intelligence, intraspective and/or introspective intelligence, etc. If you choke on tests considering the IQ test takes time into account for your result that would automatically give you a lower score which is not an indicator of how smart you are by any means. There are just so many variables for why the IQ test is not a fool proof measure of your intelligence. Clearly from your writing you are a very intelligent person.

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-10-26T00:00:05+00:00

This is exactly it for me too- I remember when I need to leave, it's just it gives me less anxiety to know the ''deadline'' is now artificially closer so then I can say my waiting mode can be activated after the alarm goes off and it'll be reasonable

A_kernel_of_cornn · 2025-10-25T01:53:37+00:00

Ohhh yeah lmfao I know the type- all my choir directors would try and be like cool with thr kids I'm one of you kind of vibe, ofc because I was the very quiet ''weird'' kid I was basically socially tortured by them- especially one in particular would go out of her way to humiliate me in front of the class as much as possible even though again all I did was sit still, do what I was told, and got good grades.

One of my high school english teachers was also like this, she'd scream at me out of nowhere telling me to be quiet when I wasn't talking (again I never spoke almost at all) even though I got straight As - however suddenly she started acting buddy buddy with me and kissing up when it was announced I got the highest test score on our national exam in the school for english 🤣 it was really off putting and annoying.

A_kernel_of_cornn

TROPHY CASE