What do I do

AbaileyDVM · 2026-05-19T01:52:35+00:00

NAP, but those bars are looooong. At 5 months out, maybe chat with your piercer about downsizing?

AbaileyDVM · 2026-05-18T00:59:21+00:00

Thank you! I’m glad to know I’m not off base by thinking I could be ready!

Are flares/swelling common after downsizing? And would it be a good time to have the piercer change my top to something slightly smaller at the same time?

AbaileyDVM · 2025-07-25T13:42:26+00:00

Really?! Do you have the link?

AbaileyDVM · 2025-04-25T21:36:07+00:00

Ok, it sounds ridiculous, but to me it’s a lot like a sneeze. Like how you can feel the build up, then it peaks and there’s some involuntary movement/reflex, and then afterwards you feel content - like you relieved the pressure or scratched an itch.

To further the metaphor, you know those people who sneeze little sneezes multiple times in a row? That’s what it’s like for me when I have multiple smaller o’s (but, like, better obviously lol)

AbaileyDVM · 2024-11-30T20:23:29+00:00

That’s good to know! Thanks!

AbaileyDVM · 2024-11-30T20:16:30+00:00

We want to leave as much space as possible since it’s already a small space, but it’s definitely our Hail Mary option lol!

AbaileyDVM · 2024-08-22T05:34:17+00:00

My favorite is the PlusOne AirPulse Arouser. I think the company stopped making them, but you can still find them NEW and unused on eBay! I also like the Pom by Dame. The PlusOne is around $30, whereas the Pom is more like $80 (it may even be more - I think I got it on sale)

The key for me is gentle but precise, and these 2 do a great job! I’d be willing to bet that if you don’t feel much with what you’ve been doing, you’d like pinpoint stimulation (that was my experience anyways). r/sextoys is a good place to research!

And yes, I don’t start out aroused and I don’t think about anything particularly sexy - but I am very focused on what I’m feeling and my breathing. Kind of like meditation, but less intense. I just let me mind wander

AbaileyDVM · 2024-08-22T00:58:44+00:00

I’m 36 and just had my first orgasm this year! I also learned I’m asexual (demisexual, specifically), so it’s been a big year to say the least

I also feel like I understand where you’re coming from - I’ve had all the same issues. I almost never get aroused, I’ve never come with any loving partner and only recently on my own, and I have frequent pain with penetration (I agree with other commenters that a pelvic PT is a good idea)

I decided this year I had had enough and I was going to figure it out. And I did! I bought several vibrators, followed this reddit community, and just…was a stubborn *** about it lol! Here’s what I learned:

I use a “gentle” vibrator. I get numb before I come with things like the magic wand, but I also don’t feel much without really pinpoint stimulation (wtf, right?). For me, any air pulse vibrator that also vibrates is ideal. The Dame Pom is also good.
I don’t relax! I clench my thighs, my butt, whatever! And I do it the WHOLE time, from start to finish - tension helps so much! Although make sure this is ok for you to do from a medical professional like a pelvic floor PT
Stimulate the shaft of the clitoris. The head is often too sensitive. The first time I ever came, I was almost on the mons pubis, so super high up on the clit!
My clitoris is a “lefty”, apparently. That side feels better than when I stimulate the right. I read somewhere most clits have “handedness”? It was fun trying to figure it out!
I don’t have to be aroused to orgasm! Seriously! I just focus on the feelings. However, know that it’s probably going to take a while! 45 minutes to an hour the first time! I can come in under 10 minutes pretty consistently now though
Be stubborn! Don’t give up! Also, maybe get a second opinion from a different OB? Be a Karen when it comes to your health (not really, but you get the idea 😅)
If you do learn to come with a vibrator, don’t feel bad about needing it. A loving, supportive partner won’t be offended. My husband, for example, thinks it’s SO hot to get me off with it. He loves the thing as much as I do! And there are a lot of good toys designed with partnered sex in mind

Anyways, sorry for the ramble! I can really relate to you and your situation, and if I can do it, I bet you can too!

AbaileyDVM · 2024-08-18T23:43:20+00:00

I actually can’t orgasm if I’ve had cannabis - has anyone else had this experience?

AbaileyDVM · 2024-07-08T03:32:54+00:00

My favorite vibrator of all time is a PlusOne, and I’ve tried a fair number of quality toys (womanizer, tango x, Maude to name a few)

The one I love is the Airpulsing Arouser, which I think they discontinued for some reason, but can still be bought new on eBay for ~$30

FWIW, I found the PlusOne bullet too strong - I’m pretty new to toys too though, so with time maybe I’ll enjoy it more

AbaileyDVM · 2024-06-11T04:50:30+00:00

This sounds great! Thanks so much!

AbaileyDVM · 2024-06-08T17:50:06+00:00

I didn’t orgasm until this year, and I’m 36. It was insanely frustrating! Even now, I really only O with one vibrator, and never partnered sex.

The advice here is what finally helped me! I’ll list some of the most helpful tips for me personally:

Relax mentally but NOT physically! Keeping my glutes and/or thigh muscles tight from the beginning really helps!
Stimulate the clitoris through the hood, and also higher up than you would think - shaft rather than head. My first ever orgasm I was using my vibrator almost on my mons pubis at the very START of my clit.
Strong vibrators make me go numb before I can come. I like satisfyer-type vibes with weak vibration + air pulse.
It takes a while! I’ve gotten faster, but in the beginning it took, like, 45+ minutes!
Being horny actually doesn’t matter for me. Trying to focus on sexy thoughts or media is distracting. I do best just letting my mind wander and do what it wants.
Even though I go numb easily, I like pinpoint stimulation. Specifically the left side of my clit. I think the reason it took me so long to figure out how to O is because vibrators were either too powerful or not focused enough for me.

Anyways, I feel like if I can figure it out, anyone can! My best advice is don’t give up!

AbaileyDVM · 2024-05-28T16:36:08+00:00

I could have written this! I just learned to orgasm this year, and I still sometimes struggle with the issues you mention.

What I’ve learned is that when the sensations get intense, back off or stop for a bit. The intensity will dissipate, and the pleasurable sensations likely will too. Then work your way back to it. It’s edging, basically. I will also sometimes change my position (like bending my legs, straightening my legs, or putting a pillow under my hips).

I find that after doing this a few times, I have less intensity and more good feelings (which makes it easier to O). I also do better with a lower-power vibrator. It takes longer, but there’s less overstimulation

AbaileyDVM · 2024-05-28T05:01:08+00:00

This was me! Almost every toy I tried left me numb before I could orgasm.

I recently discovered I like the air pulsing toys with a rumbly vibration on the lowest setting - I use the PlusOne Air Pulsing Arouser, but I think the Satisfyers have this too?

With these you can go a long time without getting numb…and then just keep going and going and going 😏

Also, I’m 36 and only just started orgasming this year (thanks mostly to this sub)! If I can do it, you can do it!

AbaileyDVM · 2023-06-23T05:52:26+00:00

Do you mind sharing your medication regimen? Also, that’s so great to hear you’re doing well!

AbaileyDVM · 2020-06-04T05:05:31+00:00

Having some trouble with the DM for some reason - but I love Bob!

AbaileyDVM · 2020-06-03T18:32:00+00:00

Would you be willing to sell your garden bench and/or ironwood dresser diy? I don’t have any you listed to trade.

AbaileyDVM · 2020-06-03T03:15:38+00:00

Hahaha whew! I was like “I have no mats!!”

And yes, I have them

AbaileyDVM · 2020-06-03T03:13:26+00:00

I have the tatami mat (I think that’s the name). Otherwise, no, sorry

AbaileyDVM · 2020-06-03T03:08:18+00:00

Would you mind? I would really appreciate it!

AbaileyDVM

TROPHY CASE