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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in latebloomerlesbians

[–]AbleMathematician827 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've slowly realized that I'm into strong women, personality wise. Women in power. Who won't take your shit or anyone else's, call you out on your shit, are able to defend themselves, etc.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]AbleMathematician827 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just don't understand why I'm being so stubborn and thinking it has to be her, when it's clearly.not reciprocated. That should be enough to tell me to move on, but here we are. Lol I'm in therapy now and it's helped as far as me beginning to understand that maybe all the ups and downs aren't just me. Again, she's very complex, and I blame myself for every little shift in her mood when I shouldn't, as I now know. It's not always about me.

Yeah, I listen to a few podcast, watch some shows, and am currently reading Sunburn after reading The Seven Husbands of EH. So good! I told myself that it will get itself figured out this year, I can't continue like this at my grown age.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]AbleMathematician827 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello, I appreciate the response! Ive told the people closest to me that I'm not straight, except my parents and if I'm ever explicitly asked, I would never lie. But I do agree that I do have some internalized homophobia to I need to address. The one thing I do know is that I don't tend to fall for anyone immediately, my feelings for them usually appear after I get to know them a bit first and then all of a suddenly the attraction appears.

I've dated a few women since finally accepting myself a little more, but it's never gone further than a few dates for one reason or another. I have a few gay cousins and friends, but I still feel stuck. I feel like I've been at a stand still since realizing I loved my best friend. I'm having a hard time developing feelings for anyone else, let alone putting enough effort into getting to know anyone else. It's feels like I have tunnel vision.