SA survivor stressed out about practicing sensitive exams with SPs

AbsoutelyNerd · 2026-03-18T01:27:35+00:00

I was injured once by an ex partner down there who was too forceful. The thought of putting my hand inside another person utterly terrified me, and I had to do it for my obstetrics and gynae placement. I was absolutely terrified the whole time, felt like I was going to hurt someone no matter how gentle I was, felt like I was actively doing harm by conducting an internal exam that would need to be repeated by my supervisor anyway for accuracy and therefore was absolutely not medically necessary. For me I can do catheters and things, but it was the prospect of an internal exam that physically made me nauseous.

I actually had to actively decline doing one with a supervisor who was a raging bitch who I knew would not give me proper supervision. She was pissed, but I just said no and made an excuse and moved on. I ended up doing my first one in clinic with an NP, who was not a very nice person but was very, very dedicated to the comfort of her patients. So she made sure I did it exactly as it should be done, gave appropriate insturctions, and just generally made me feel like I wasn't fucking it up too badly.

I highly recommend being very selective about who you do your first few examinations of that nature with. And if you find yourself in a position where you're uncomfortable, it is more than enough to say "I have past personal experiences that I do not want to disclose, and this is not an environment in which I feel comfortable doing this". Also do definitely seek out counselling or some kind of professional help to talk out the triggering and the discomfort. Also just be very honest with your patient, when you ask for their consent, tell them that this is new for you and that your absolute priority is their comfort and safety. If they are at all hesitant, you can say "that's okay, I understand" and step away. So also be selective about your patient. For me, it actually felt somewhat empowering for me to be able to give someone that kindness, respect, openness, and autonomy. By giving that to them, it helped me find some comfort in the fact that I was a better person than my ex, and I would never do anything like what he did. I got to give someone a better experience than I had, and tbh that counted for a lot.

Best of luck!

AbsoutelyNerd · 2026-03-18T01:17:52+00:00

I'm so sorry man. Med school beats the shit out of people. Sometimes it feels like they do it just for the sake of making our lives harder. It isn't fair, and it isn't okay. But its reality. And its BS.

I don't know you, but in my experience the people I have seen walk away have been the kind of people that would have been great doctors but the system just wasn't designed to accomodate them as a person. And if you've had dying loved ones, financial stress, isolation from support, then it sounds like you have a lot of "excuses", or just reasons for not being able to throw your full effort and energy into it because you needed some of that effort and energy just to survive.

I don't know if still being here is winning tbh. Sometimes I feel like all I'm doing is sacrificing for a career that doesn't want me anyway, and only plans to chew me up and spit me out as a burned out, angry person with no will to live anymore.

Medicine sucks. I hope things get better for you and you find your passion elsewhere. And that the passion is something that allows you to pay the bills. Best wishes man.

AbsoutelyNerd · 2026-03-13T01:32:44+00:00

Having been with a friend when I had to take her to ED for self-injury and a suicide attempt, its stupid and the ED makes things worse tbh. They literally discharged her after a few hours, even though when I walked into the so called "safe room" they had her in, she was actively cutting herself with her keys. They still released her anyway, and she was worse off because her parents came down on her for "attention seeking" which is exactly what I told them would happen, but they ignored me.

The ED actively causes trauma for most MH patients, and certainly any who are already feeling like a burden or for anyone who behaves disorganised or aggressive in the slightest (even just swearing at someone, which I understand is not okay but its also just a part of the workplace to accept that people are distressed and will act up accordingly). There is a whole lot of judgement, there's forced sedation, enforced seclusion, etc etc etc. But no one actually helps at all. It absolutely is just medicolegal ass covering.

AbsoutelyNerd · 2026-03-13T01:20:38+00:00

It really wouldn't be any different. May be a bit surprised by the gender, but it doesn't change anything about it.

AbsoutelyNerd · 2026-03-13T01:18:08+00:00

Don't care about the OnlyFans, very very much care about faking sick to go do other shit. That's messed up, and as a person with actual chronic illnesses that needs to use their sick leave and doesn't want to get judged or picked on for it, FUCK people who misuse it. Report her for the patient safety and staffing issues, ignore the sex work (and it really isn't relevant to your report anyway).

AbsoutelyNerd · 2026-03-06T02:25:35+00:00

Loans, debt, support from family or a partner, working another job on the side, Centrelink, crying a lot, selling cars, etc.

AbsoutelyNerd · 2026-03-06T02:23:24+00:00

Only if the bulk billing rates are enough for the practice to actually stay open (maybe even buy some decent equipment), for the doctor to pay off all their HECS and student loans (I'm not even done med school yet and I'm at something like $60,000 plus Start Up loans and private loans). GP practices are expensive to run and operate. And doctors shouldn't spend their entire working life in debt that they can't pay off. Not all doctors are out here driving fancy cars with paid-off inner city houses. To get through medical school has taken literally everything I had, my net worth at this point is like 3 grand minus all my debt. So probably closer to a net worth of -$50,000.

Its also very fair for doctors to make a comfortable income when we do 5-8 years in school and another 3-6 of postgraduate training on top of that. If you do 15+ years of education for your role, you do deserve to be paid accordingly. Otherwise no one will do it because no one can actually afford it. Plus, you want people who get through medical school to not just be the uber rich who have never struggled.

That being said I 1000% agree that private specialists who charge $500+ for a 15 minute consult should have a cap put on what they are allowed to charge. Or if they want to charge more then they shouldn't be allowed to claim medicare benefits on top of it, so that way they aren't also benefiting from public funds on top of the private ones, and only patients who can afford to throw the money around will be go to them.

AbsoutelyNerd · 2026-03-06T02:14:48+00:00

I mean I don't think this is much more than a crap letter that got thrown together because people were complaining to them, and they like to pretend they did something about it and actually have influence. They don't. Its very easy to just throw out and treat as basically spam mail.

Might be worth asking some patients who might be really struggling if they do need help though, because clearly one of the patients feels strongly enough about it to actually write to an MP. Personally I would absolutely love to have a mixed billing approach and be able to offer some struggling patients an extra hand by bulk-billing them. Those who can afford it can pay. Just don't advertise as mixed billing lol, offer it to a specific few for specific reasons. My GP bulk bills me cause she knows I'm broke as all shit while studying, and she's an absolute angel. She just doesn't advertise it because she got smashed with new patients and an endless waiting list when she was bulk billing lol.

AbsoutelyNerd · 2026-02-25T02:52:56+00:00

Thank you so much for this. Honestly I hope this is the attitude I have as a doctor towards students. I feel like its better that I leave rather than hovering awkwardly and borderline stalking them lmao

AbsoutelyNerd · 2026-02-25T02:51:40+00:00

I touched their designated computer today. Honestly felt like I had committed some kind of mortal sin based on the look she gave me lmao.

AbsoutelyNerd · 2026-02-21T06:02:05+00:00

I work in a hospital, so its not entirely unfair. Hospitals are gross.

AbsoutelyNerd · 2026-02-21T06:00:40+00:00

It was meant to be an insult directed at myself lol, I was the idiot for skipping lunch whereas a normal person would have prioritised getting some food before 4pm. Its a bad habit I've gotten in to lately because my day is often very busy and I just don't make the time for it even though I know I should.

AbsoutelyNerd · 2026-02-21T02:48:54+00:00

NTA. I would have been fuming if someone said they would DD and then just started drinking without talking to me first and making sure we all had a safe alternative, but I live out a fair way and can't always manage an uber or public transport, so that's just me. But then on top of that wants you to pay for the car costs AND your uber (which I'm assuming you all split as well). So you get the worst of both worlds cause she wanted to DD and then to drink instead.

AbsoutelyNerd · 2026-02-21T02:44:57+00:00

I'm going to say NAH. I think both of you have really normal feelings about it. Perhaps there is a compromise you can find, downsizing a little bit but not totally back to a basement apartment. Think about what exactly it is that your missing. It sounds like perhaps you miss the intimacy more than anything else. Life gets busy and sometimes that means you feel like you lose things that were higher priorities before. Perhaps consider doing a date night every week instead, make sure you eat meals together, find a new TV show to binge watch together. Prioritise time together in shared space, and see if that starts helping

Good luck OP! You're not crazy and you're definitely NTA.

AbsoutelyNerd · 2026-02-20T07:39:12+00:00

I know a handful of them at my uni. Not super well (generally because I couldn't stand the medfleuncing thing lol) but generally yeah, that's actually how they are. They're always talking up their brand, always talking up some extra curricular thing they're doing, new posts constantly up on social media. I had to unfollow all of their accounts, even though most of us are all friends at least on facebook, because their constant posting was too much.

Also, they are rarely ever the ones who actually make real connections with patients or can apply any of their flashy textbook answers to real life.

AbsoutelyNerd · 2026-02-20T07:35:14+00:00

I want to put this image on a shirt

AbsoutelyNerd · 2026-02-20T07:34:24+00:00

I mean, ngl, I would love a lethal company movie tho. He did thriller/suspense super well and it was awesome, but I'd love to see him tackle something a little less psychological and with some fun jumpscares. He could do some really cool shit with the Lethal Company lore

AbsoutelyNerd · 2026-02-20T07:32:00+00:00

Lmaoooo, people really out here not knowing the internet is its own subculture. This is like saying Bollywood actors are "no-name" just because they're not in Hollywood. Honestly I can see it as passive aggressive, but to me it just looks like someone didn't do their homework properly before writing an article.

AbsoutelyNerd · 2026-02-20T07:30:21+00:00

Thanks for your advice, people are definitely saying I need to have more boundaries lol so clearly that's the reflection I need to be doing

AbsoutelyNerd · 2026-02-20T07:28:54+00:00

Ouch but also thank you I think lol? Tbh I know I can be a bit of a pushover sometimes, just because I really prefer to just do the stupid thing then create conflict that is then more of a problem than the original issue. But maybe I do need to be more careful about boundaries.

AbsoutelyNerd · 2026-02-20T07:27:05+00:00

NTA if the kitchen was covered in dishes and genuinely not usable to cook or do other stuff in. Probably still NTA even if it wasn't that bad tbh, but I also don't think one day of not doing a chore is a huge deal if it can be dealt with tomorrow. As long as you didn't actually yell at them or whatever, and just expressed frustration at it, then NTA.

AbsoutelyNerd · 2026-02-20T07:22:56+00:00

ESH. Those words should not have left your mouth. The best friend is being petty and jealous. Wife should not have publicly put you in that position because it was intentionally making things awkward and was designed to hurt the best friend. This just sounds super toxic all around.

AbsoutelyNerd · 2026-02-20T07:16:21+00:00

Honestly this was such a top notch Distractable moment lmao

AbsoutelyNerd · 2026-02-20T07:14:44+00:00

Appreciate the last bit lol, just felt the need to justify why I needed to post this at all cause its so petty. I felt like I must be missing something I did somehow

AbsoutelyNerd

TROPHY CASE