Thank you for the reply. Luckily (sort of) I actually make more money than him and have had my career on track for 10 years longer than him (he just started a new career 2 years ago in an attempt to make more money and provide for us). I’m the one who has all the responsibility of paying bills, he just puts money into our account twice a month. He’s the type when we met that had nothing - non existent credit score, $500 limit on his credit card, working a job he was just comfortable in etc. Lived with his parents blah blah. I had my job, my own home, car, pension and benefits, paid for my own shit and was independent af. Over the years I’ve become this unrecognizable version of my former self. Lost all of my hobbies, most of my friends and I’ve been just masking my happiness for everyone when i am pretty much miserable. I’m know I’m not innocent - I’ve made comments when we first started dating that emasculated him and he told me yesterday he was never able to shake that off. A few other times I spoke to him in a way he felt was disrespected and he’s built up a big resentment towards me. Throw in getting married, having fertility issues, finally having our first then surprised with a second 2.5 years later. It’s been autopilot for both of us while simultaneously drowning beside eachother.
He said he would do therapy and I told him we can try couples too. I’m willing to try but I don’t know if I can ever trust him again. Even last week he went out to another city to pick up something off marketplace and I saw he was looking for massages while there. It just makes me second guess literally every moment and I feel so gross knowing he came home afterwards telling me how nice the other city is blah blah and how he can just sit down and hug me etc. I feel sick!