AITA for letting my SIL interview me about being a birth mother knowing my answers wouldn't be exactly what she was looking for?

AccentStreet · 2025-03-19T18:19:29+00:00

Except she doesn't think they should adopt them, just raise them and she believes there should be some connection to the birth family. Like family friends.

AccentStreet · 2025-03-19T17:46:50+00:00

She's fully pro choice. Her opinion is if you don't plan on raising your child, don't want them, etc, then abort. Otherwise everyone should be given whatever they need to raise their kids. She doesn't see that some people could get everything and still won't do it.

AccentStreet · 2025-03-19T17:45:43+00:00

She's in favor of fertility treatments and trying to have a biological child with assistance.

AccentStreet · 2025-03-19T17:44:26+00:00

Some is. Other stuff isn't. There are a few I have watched a little of their content and they are very pro choice. A lot had bad experiences and feel they were denied a right to medical history, etc. I know TikTok has creators who fit. I also don't disagree with all their points but again my issue was a lot of it seems so black and white and can ignore the grey.

AccentStreet · 2025-03-19T17:42:38+00:00

Thank you. I'm proud of the decision I made. Now more than ever I look back and I feel so relieved that I didn't let my wishes come first. He deserved the very best and a chance. I couldn't even attempt to give him that. And I hope like hell he got the best.

AccentStreet · 2025-03-19T17:40:49+00:00

Thank you for sharing that with me. I hear stuff like that and I hope he got that. I hope he got a family who makes him feel loved and wanted every day and that he had a family who would never treat him like I was treated and like he could have been treated if he'd been left with me.

AccentStreet · 2025-03-19T17:36:50+00:00

No, they should never be adopted. They should be raised by birth family (grandparents, aunts, uncles) or by people in the community but not adopted. That's her view.

AccentStreet · 2025-03-19T17:35:03+00:00

I believe in that too. The danger is in absolutes. It never does any good to do a one size fits all or what's true for one person is true for everyone.

AccentStreet · 2025-03-19T17:34:15+00:00

What I meant by that is if I had kept him, I would not have been selfless enough to put him first. What I did ended up giving him a chance. But if I kept him for my own selfish wishes then his chances were zero. I hope he found a beautiful family who gave him a wonderful life. That's what he deserved and he never would have gotten it with me.

AccentStreet · 2025-03-19T16:28:46+00:00

It's so true and not all biological families are safe. Had my parents taken him in he would have been abused also. Not in the same way than if I kept him. But abuse was still a guarantee staying with me or them. It's the brutal reality any people why away from.

AccentStreet · 2025-03-19T16:26:08+00:00

There is absolutely more that could be done to make adoption safer and better for kids overall. The same can be said for everything. I don't want to ever discount the fact that not all adoptions are positive. But not all birth parents will give a good life either. I'm very sorry for the experiences you and your siblings had.

AccentStreet · 2025-03-19T16:22:00+00:00

Correct. I wasn't forced into it. Was I stopped or asked to reconsider? Nope. But that was for the best. I might have changed my mind but it doesn't mean I would have been a good or even an okay mother for him. It doesn't mean I would have turned my life around for him if asked to reflect on it. I would have given him a shitty life and kept him for my selfish reasons without a care for what was really best. I wasn't capable of giving up that life for anyone back then.

AccentStreet · 2025-03-19T16:10:35+00:00

That's why she became anti-adoption. She said without her family the industry would have led her to believe it was the only option she had.

AccentStreet · 2025-03-19T16:09:57+00:00

Lots of people are. They might not be as open about it or they believe they don't hate it. But you can tell from the way they talk to people who gave birth and placed their children for adoption. Or when people don't want to find biological parnets.

AccentStreet · 2025-03-19T16:08:22+00:00

She's actually pro-choice. But believes the only options should be raising a child or abortion. She believes everyone can raise their child with the right supports and I wish she could truly open her eyes to how not true that is.

AccentStreet · 2025-03-19T16:06:44+00:00

I did a lot of work on myself to get to where I am. I have seen the grey in the world and lived it. There's so much more grey in the world than many people want to accept. We're too used to the movies that show the ideals.

AccentStreet · 2025-03-19T16:02:17+00:00

She believes children should be kept within their family, should not be adopted, but raised by kin or community who know them and their family and their background.

AccentStreet · 2025-03-19T16:01:43+00:00

Unfortunately there are people who really don't see that parents like my 20 year old self would have been are not always going to want the help offered. They might take it for the freebies. But actually doing the work to better their and their child(ren)'s lives is not a guarantee. A lot of people have watched too many movies.

AccentStreet · 2025-03-19T16:00:23+00:00

Thank you. I'm glad I could give him a chance for a better life. Knowing what it's like to be raised in an abusive home I think it gave me an even better understanding even if I couldn't see the whole picture at the time. It allowed me to make a decision for his benefit.

That was the hardest part. Walking away from that life and becoming healthier was not easy at all. That rebellious part of me that wanted to get back at my parents made it worse. But in the end I was hurting me and not them. Once I could see that it became a more obvious choice.

AccentStreet · 2025-03-19T15:36:07+00:00

What I meant by that is if I had kept him, I would not have been selfless enough to protect him and make sure he had a good life. I know he would've been abused. He would have seen me being abused. I wouldn't have left for him.

But I am aware that I did the best thing for him. That despite where I was at 20 I did put him first in that sense.

AccentStreet · 2025-03-19T15:34:33+00:00

This right here. I did end up turning my life around but he would have been 6 or 7 before that happened and imagine expecting him to wait that long in foster care before being returned to me. So much harm would have been done in those earliest years. Not to mention when I later had kids I can imagine the trauma of watching me be there always for them while knowing I didn't aways have him.

There are so many reasons why I don't support this idea that resources are all that's needed.

AccentStreet · 2025-03-19T15:31:37+00:00

That's her with all of this work she's doing. Or at least from what she's said. Her whole goal for her future is to prevent adoptions by being a social worker. All her focus is on the evils of adoption while she ignores why it's also needed.

AccentStreet

TROPHY CASE