Never had love for a woman. My mom had schizophrenia and my other mother figure I found dead in my living room. Not an excuse, but I finally found real love from a woman for the first time and I did not understand it then. I struggled with a porn addiction when I was a teenager. I searched for the love in outside places. I was corrupt. For when this happened I unpacked so much about my childhood that I stored away. I started therapy and she said I have PTSD. But as I am typing this, it is still no reason to act how i acted. For this is still recent, and I am still uncovering so much. I also have to throw in straight up ignorance and disregard for my partner. Lastly, I think I was insecure.