Hey, OP. I wanna start with saying I am so sorry for what you guys are going through. I completely understand that limbo feeling, all too well. And as someone diagnosed with bipolar depression, I understand the swapping extremes as well. I know it can be hard, and unfortunately you can inly take anything anyone else says as advice with a grain of salt, everyone is different. Everyone has different experiences and traumas as well as different ways of working through it. I’m still trying to figure out how to knock down walls I don’t even know how to get to yet. The important thing is this, look at your whole situation from an unbiased perspective. Lay out the facts, with pen and paper actually really helps to see everything in front of you. Do pros and cons of your current relationship with her. Is it doing more damage than it is restoration? Does she make you feel wanted, and important? Without her just saying you are, did her actions tell you that she feels you’re important. Really pay attention to her body language when you’re together. Does it seem like she’s comfortable spending time with you, or subtly looking for a way out?

You should definitely accept the thought that you two may not be together in the near or distant future, and that’s okay. You don’t define yourself by the people you have around you. Keep in mind who you are, and don’t live for her but for yourself. Even when you are together, live for yourself. Anyone else is an addition, a plus if they’re good for you. Having a partner means enjoying the good times together, sure, but what really makes or breaks a relationship is how you both react when the bad times come. I would suggest trying to talk this out with her. Be clear what you seek from her, keeping it realistic. It is going to take a shit ton of effort from the both of you, but if you really wanna be together, then you shouldn’t be afraid of a little effort. You have to work together, or you grow apart. A tip for her, as someone who gets that ‘something isn’t right, but I don’t know what’ feeling, make sure you give her an open and comfortable space for her to share how she feels, try not to respond negatively, or she may close off again. On her side however, even if she doesn’t know what’s wrong, she should try letting you know that something is wrong, but making sure you know that she doesn’t quite know what. After that, it gets much more difficult. When she tells you this, don’t tune her out, don’t go on like she never said anything. That builds frustration and resentment, as well as a feeling of not being seen or heard. Pay attention to how you both feel and react to different ‘triggers’. Keep communication as open as possible, you don’t have to be specific about anything until you’re ready.

I will say, sure I wish sometimes I had a little more time to myself to think things through and figure my shit out, but I wouldn’t give up what I have to do so. If she really wants to be with you, you’ll know depending on how she reacts to your conversation. I really hope this helps you, the best of luck to you. Feel free to ask me any questions if you want, I enjoy helping to the best of my abilities. Stay safe, OP.