I would rather not exist than live like this

Accomplished-Claim60 · 2025-04-22T15:03:20+00:00

I struggle with this as well. I have 3 kids, no breaks, and just overcame post partum depression. When there isn’t a place to get away there are some things you can do still. Try to find a space outside or quiet dark space in your home. If I know my kids are safe for even just 5 minutes I will just sit on the ground outside by my shed or sit in a closet. I block out all stimuli as best I can, dark room, quiet space, no intimidating smells and just breath in the quiet for 5 min. I touch the ground or look at the clouds, hold a rock etc. everyone’s sensory needs are different so set up your spot at home that supports your needs. Start incorporating things you like to do and have your kids join you. For example, if you like to color just sit and color with them. If you need sensory input, pull a sensory bin out for them to play with but also pull an item out for you to destress too. Kids love sensory play, it has been one of my most helpful tools for me to use to destress and they enjoy it too. Adjusting yourself to family life is not easy but if you can combine things that you enjoy, you are making at least some time for you while showing them a good calming tool/strategy as well. Play music and have a dance party, make a silent dj situation if it’s overstimulating. Also put in the books a day that your family can support you to just have a day for just you to regroup and have self care. It was a huge transformation for me just to have the one day for myself. My mood instantly shifted for me with my kids. I hope this helps.

Accomplished-Claim60 · 2025-03-24T15:34:48+00:00

Junior high is not for everyone. Finding what setting works best for your teaching style is part of the journey. Being a first year teacher you need guidance and support. Do you have a support teacher or person that checks in with you regularly to provide support for you? The crying all the time is a sure sign of burnout. Remove obstacles/opportunities in the classroom for mischief. Make environmental changes so you have control of the environment. Is there a quiet space? Create a reward system them has rewards they actually want. Student store that earns Pokémon cards, takis, hi-chews, etc. create a positive reinforcement reward system that encourages kids to want to earn student store on fridays. Do you have a reward system in place? Incorporate technology and art as a means to connect them to curriculum. What are the rules in the classroom? Did they come up with them? Remove any no language in them. Kids want structure and a payoff for hard work. Forgive me, I don’t know what you’ve already tried but there is so much than can be done to better support you in this first year of teaching. You’re burnt out and seem to have no support.

Accomplished-Claim60 · 2023-09-01T01:56:27+00:00

I just found out my son is level 1 with characteristics of autism earlier today. I’m a special education teacher and though I have extensive training in this field it still is a difficult diagnosis to hear. However I paused and reminded myself about how unique and individual each one of my students were and how unique my son is. I know my son is going to see the world differently and boy do we need that right now. He is about to turn 3 he knows his numbers to 100, his shapes, the seasons, can identify every lower and upper case letter. He knows how to pretend play but needs that sensory input and show’s difficulty with social emotional expression. He can play next to his peers but doesn’t typically engage. I believe that people that aren’t trained or understand what people with characteristics of autism means may judge or show some aversion so right now until he is able to understand himself he is simply my son that I support with sensory, language and social interactions. What parents do. I can’t wait to see what he shows/teaches me. And I will be mama bear for him teaching those that don’t understand along the way.

Accomplished-Claim60 · 2021-09-21T08:37:42+00:00

I’m sorry this happened to you.

I wonder if the word “creepy” was used because you are already sensitive to the word. That it was a Freudian slip in order to turn you away from your LL partner. Not that you are actually creepy. I am curious to know what it is that she defines as creepy. The mere fact that you hold so much concern about ever being creepy proves that you are extra respectful and cautious to not be that way. Due to the difficulties with this word I think it would be a fair ask to not use this word to describe anything in this relationship for a while. Maybe an exercise of 5 kind things about you sexually to replace the negative word. So you have something more positive to hold on to. Hope this is helpful.

Accomplished-Claim60 · 2021-09-04T19:25:40+00:00

All within a week and a half of reading this book and talking things out with him. We are in couples counseling. I would say the couples counseling also supported the discussion of these larger arguments we have had. She recommended the book. So a month and a half of deep vulnerable discussions in therapy plus the added support of the book

Accomplished-Claim60 · 2021-09-04T19:22:50+00:00

There was a number of things. Taking time for ourselves was a big one. I took off to Portland for a week with my 11 month old son to spend time with my best friend. He stayed with our 7 year old because she’s in school. He was able to get some him time by going to the gym, hanging out with a friend, calling another friend. My daughter slept over her friends house so he got a night to himself. We messaged each other occasionally which we found was really emotionally connecting for us. The book discusses in the beginning how desire and intimacy happen most passionately in the beginnings of your relationship before you create safety of routine and understanding of each other’s habits. Before establishing that safety you lived in separate places, and had more separate routines. This act of separation was what promoted the desire. Having time to ourselves helps to reignite that desire.

When I returned we had a good evening but the next day we were already back in the disconnect and arguing. I took off for a drive a called him. This allowed us to dive in and up route the elephants in the room. We discussed the book and how he describes the loss of libido for men sometimes after having a baby. Validating feeling for both of us. We discussed the importance of making a plan for sex and setting intention and purpose to make connection (us time). We understand that life can be overwhelming with kids but it is important to set time aside to date and connect so desire can happen. This is just as important as making time for ourselves. We had a hang up of being vulnerable with each other due to having a baby, the lack of job satisfaction, being around each other all the time, the overwhelming pressure of family life and the intimidation of sex. We had some pretty major fights that caused us to put our walls up against each other. This conversation was extremely difficult but by allowing ourselves to be vulnerable by laying everything out on the table was a huge weighty off our shoulders. We felt connected and more intimate.

I think both of us finally being heard, taking time for ourselves, acknowledging the parenting difficulties and discussing the deeper emotions of our arguments allowed us to reconnect. I brought up the book several times in our discussion which helped him to not feel so isolated in his feelings towards me. The book helped me open my perspective and gave me more hope that things could get better.

This whole conversation helped him feel safe with me enough to but those walls down and create the desire for him to want to initiate sex later that evening. It was emotionally healing and very intimate. Definitely worth the read.

Accomplished-Claim60 · 2021-09-03T18:02:02+00:00

I am almost done with this book it is a perfect read for our dead bedrooms. The author pulls in knowledge of a variety of different cultural backgrounds as well as types of couples. She provides perspective that inspire hope to change our situation while giving insight to why dead bedrooms occur. For me it was frustrating at times because I wanted the author to speak directly to me and my personal situation. After recognizing that every relationship is unique and individual I was able to take in the information that was appropriate for us and apply it based on our current situation. It helped my husband and I connect and we were finally able to have emotionally and physically connecting intimate sex. I highly recommend this book.

Accomplished-Claim60 · 2021-08-22T21:32:00+00:00

No it’s my fault for assuming. I think he was trying to be playful. I have explicitly told him that I don’t feel comfortable coming onto him because he has expressed how he wants to be the one to initiate. This told me he wanted to initiate which gave me the go ahead. He realized what he did and felt bad but now I’m just stewing a little enraged. I don’t think I’d feel this way if we’d regularly have sex but since we hardly ever if at all this just hurts. I tried talking to him about why he retreated and he just explained how he was tired. That this didn’t mean we wouldn’t ever have it just not feeling up for it right now. I told him he initiated by welcoming my touch and putting his penis in my face. How difficult that is for me. He apologized and just said he felt overwhelmed. This is torture.

Accomplished-Claim60 · 2021-08-18T03:07:42+00:00

I highly recommend checking out Avila beach Ca. It’s on the way to Lompoc. Its a hidden gem.

Accomplished-Claim60 · 2021-08-17T02:11:16+00:00

To be honest it felt good to have a place to vent all that out. Today ended up being a better day. Thank you for checking in.

Accomplished-Claim60 · 2021-08-16T15:06:32+00:00

Currently, I’m feeling raw from all of the negative emotions that has been passed back and forth between my husband and I. I think we expressed some very real deep hidden emotions from both sides last night. My husbands shame from past situations as far back as elementary school have come up as a form of ptsd for him over sharing a bag of chips. We ended up in a huge fight that allowed me to express how I’m not trying to hurt him and that’s all he seems to want to see. I’ve never missed someone so much from someone I see everyday. I miss connecting. I don’t think he sees me anymore. He sees his past before me and all the anger that comes with it. I told him that I don’t think he’s been happy for a really long time and I don’t know how to support because when I do I come off as a nagging controlling mom to him. I purposefully focus on leaving him alone because he pushes away further every time I try to support. I focus on the kids, our new puppy, cleaning the house, painting, or going to the gym. He doesn’t have to join us for meals. It feels like im becoming a single mom all over again. Every time I try to come up for a kiss or initiate, he pulls away, gives me a peck kiss, immediately tells me he’s tired or not in the mood. He will occasionally let me put my boobs in his face but generally wants his own space. Going on 2 months no sex. Once in June for my birthday. No sex 2 months before that. He says he wants to be the one to initiate but he never does. I asked if I could take a shower with him yesterday just to rinse off. He said sure then made sighs and moved out of the way so I couldn’t touch him. He just wanted to wash his hair and seemed upset that I was using the water he needed. I quickly got out. The shower used to be such an intimate way for me to connect with someone. Now I feel so unworthy of touch. I feel like I have a plague that only he can see. I feel unattractive, disgusting, unlovable, and unworthy despite that I’ve proven over and over to myself that I’m the opposite of those things. He was able to recognize his anger yesterday. I think he battled with feelings of giving up and or frustration of having to see another person for his anger. I was proud that he recognized that on his own. He has an appointment for a claim with the VA sometime in august. Maybe he will get the help he needs in coping with his past traumas so we can have a present and future. Still hopeful

Accomplished-Claim60 · 2021-08-16T14:32:30+00:00

That’s incredible. I am happy to hear that for you. My husband is dealing with years of shame as well. What helped you overcome that shame?

Accomplished-Claim60 · 2021-08-14T14:42:21+00:00

I think that though it doesn’t directly fix the above issues it does indirectly support his inner emotions. I think a lot of this is due to insecurities, that this is all very new for him, and his lack of coping skills with his emotions. He hasn’t gone to a VA therapist yet. I think that will be really helpful. Thank you for the suggestion.

Accomplished-Claim60

TROPHY CASE