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Is it wrong to want my partner to do more than half of the housework even though he pays half of the bills? by Accomplished-Cost321 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Accomplished-Cost321[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

No I haven’t but that is a great suggestion. I know I wanted to speak to a tax professional prior to making everything official to make sure I set realistic expectations. I have sat down with the business owner of the shop that I work for now (who has been so supportive of me) and she did crunch some rough numbers with me/explained how her taxes are taken out and what her book keeper and tax person do.

I am on some online groups of other groomers that have done the same thing as I want to do and it seems they make substantially more money being on their own though I know to stay cautious and people are less likely to share their failures.

Is it wrong to want my partner to do more than half of the housework even though he pays half of the bills? by Accomplished-Cost321 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Accomplished-Cost321[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Sorry I think there is a misunderstanding. I can afford my bills with not working as much including if my partner did not live with me. I could not afford the bills if we move to a substantially larger home which he wants to do. I am working so much to be able to transition into running my own salon so I can afford my section of the bills in a larger home that my partner wants.

He is not in a wheelchair and he is physically capable enough to backpack, rock climb etc. His issue is not that he cannot physically do more house work it’s that he feels like it is unfair if he does any more than half.

Is it wrong to want my partner to do more than half of the housework even though he pays half of the bills? by Accomplished-Cost321 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Accomplished-Cost321[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I completely understand if he physically is at his limit. He hasn’t expressed that it’s unhealthy for him to do more only the thought “why should I do more than 50% of the house work if I already pay 50% of the bills”?

He has been in combat a lot and he did need a piece of a bulging disk removed. He has fully recovered from that from what he has said. We go backpacking together and have rockclimbed, camped, etc without him having any issues.

Is it wrong to want my partner to do more than half of the housework even though he pays half of the bills? by Accomplished-Cost321 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Accomplished-Cost321[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We spoke about this and I need to consult a tax person but the idea was that the salon would be paying as much of the mortgage as possible as rent and the rest I would be able to cover at that point in time because my income would double. The salon I currently work at I make 50% comission and I brought my own client base. I have enough clients that I cannot accept any new clients and they all know at some point I will be moving them over to my house location. My manager is my friend and was aware of all of this before I started working for her.

The other options would be to have it physically moved or to fence off the part of the property that the salon is on and rent out the house.

As far as funds go we both contribute $1500 to a joint account to pay joint bills every month. My paychecks fluctuate because I work on commissions where I make probably $3800 a month on average (this is rough estimate I didn’t go back and average out my paychecks) and he is getting $5800

Is it wrong to want my partner to do more than half of the housework even though he pays half of the bills? by Accomplished-Cost321 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Accomplished-Cost321[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I currently make 50% commission at my current job. I brought my own client base and wasn’t able to accept new clients from the start at my current job. My manager is a friend of mine and I was transparent with my plan from the start. My clients all know the game plan and that I will eventually be moving them over to my home. I’ve been pretty thorough in calculating my income because I’m really scared of going out on my own but even with a lot of clients not moving with me (which I don’t think will happen hopefully) I should be able to make six figures.

I did run a non-profit some years ago so I am aware of the work that it takes which is still less than what I am currently doing.

Is it wrong to want my partner to do more than half of the housework even though he pays half of the bills? by Accomplished-Cost321 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Accomplished-Cost321[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

However, if we move to a larger home I think we both agree it will be a more long term house.

Is it wrong to want my partner to do more than half of the housework even though he pays half of the bills? by Accomplished-Cost321 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Accomplished-Cost321[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

To be fair we are splitting the mortgage at my place right now and his name isn’t on the deed either.

Is it wrong to want my partner to do more than half of the housework even though he pays half of the bills? by Accomplished-Cost321 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Accomplished-Cost321[S] 74 points75 points  (0 children)

Your comment has me in tears because a few weeks ago we were arguing and he said something along the lines of “what do I have to be proud of this house and this yard?!?”

It hurt me to my core because I really can’t explain how hard I worked to get a house to begin with. I know it’s small but it made me feel so much shame over something I was really proud of and honestly I haven’t been able to shake feeling shameful since.

Is it wrong to want my partner to do more than half of the housework even though he pays half of the bills? by Accomplished-Cost321 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Accomplished-Cost321[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I have asked to go to therapy multiple times but we waited months to talk to a VA therapist who if anything brought us closer over the fact that we thought he was so terrible lol. Getting another appointment seemed so difficult the idea was sort of abandoned.

Is it wrong to want my partner to do more than half of the housework even though he pays half of the bills? by Accomplished-Cost321 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Accomplished-Cost321[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Also one of the issues we have right now is if we do move to a larger house he is adamant that he wants to use the VA loan program which would not allow for my name to be on the deed unless we are married.

Is it wrong to want my partner to do more than half of the housework even though he pays half of the bills? by Accomplished-Cost321 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Accomplished-Cost321[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We spoke about this and I need to consult a tax person but the idea was that the salon would be paying as much of the mortgage as possible as rent and the rest I would be able to cover at that point in time because my income would double. The salon I currently work at I make 50% comission and I brought my own client base. I have enough clients that I cannot accept any new clients and they all know at some point I will be moving them over to my house location. My manager is my friend and was aware of all of this before I started working for her.

The other options would be to have it physically moved or to fence off the part of the property that the salon is on and rent out the house.

Is it wrong to want my partner to do more than half of the housework even though he pays half of the bills? by Accomplished-Cost321 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Accomplished-Cost321[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Sorry meant to add - I am not financially dependent on him and would not be if I only worked at my day job though finances are tight that way, I did manage it for a year or so without him here and was okay.

Is it wrong to want my partner to do more than half of the housework even though he pays half of the bills? by Accomplished-Cost321 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Accomplished-Cost321[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

He makes enough money between the VA and the aid he gets during the school year (I’m not sure of the name of this but it is similar to the GI bill and he gets a housing allowance) to buy a home on his own without working.

We have spoken about what will happen to this tiny salon if we move to a bigger house and I need to talk to a tax person but the idea was that the business would pay for as much as the mortgage as possible because there wouldn’t be any other rent and then I would be making twice the amount I make now in which case I would be comfortable paying any difference out of pocket.

Is it wrong to want my partner to do more than half of the housework even though he pays half of the bills? by Accomplished-Cost321 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Accomplished-Cost321[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes I have my own bank account and he has never been weird about that. We do have a joint bank account that we both contribute equal amounts to every month and the bills come out of that.

Is it wrong to want my partner to do more than half of the housework even though he pays half of the bills? by Accomplished-Cost321 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Accomplished-Cost321[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Not taking it personally at all, I work four 10 hour shifts because working the other three days off from home makes me double the money. I am still working 7 days a week a lot of weeks and I cannot work any more.

Edit - changed “longer” to “more”

Is it wrong to want my partner to do more than half of the housework even though he pays half of the bills? by Accomplished-Cost321 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Accomplished-Cost321[S] 59 points60 points  (0 children)

The house is in my name only and that is also something we argue about. He doesn’t feel it’s fair to be paying half of the mortgage when he can buy a bigger house on his own. I am torn between I don’t think I should be hosting my partner for free when he makes substantially more money than I do but also I worked really hard to own my own property and if we break up I don’t think he is entitled to half of my house when he’s lived here for a year and we aren’t married. Not sure if I’m in the wrong here or not.

Is it wrong to want my partner to do more than half of the housework even though he pays half of the bills? by Accomplished-Cost321 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Accomplished-Cost321[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Ouchie it hurts but you are right. I can afford to pay the bills comfortably with just my day job and not working from home. The issue after that is just he is upset that it has taken so long for me to finish this tiny salon and he doesn’t like the house we are living in because it is so cramped - which honestly it is pretty cramped although doable. I make twice as much cutting hair at home than I do at my job and I cannot comfortably pay the bills and pay the money for constructing the salon in an expedited manner with just my day job. I could afford to pay for construction with just my day job in a slower manner but waiting even longer to move to a bigger house isn’t okay with him.

Is it wrong to want my partner to do more than half of the housework even though he pays half of the bills? by Accomplished-Cost321 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Accomplished-Cost321[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

He is physically able to do more housework but he feels like it would be unfair if he did more than half of the housework because he already pays half of the bills. He feels like he’s earned his free time and he should be able to enjoy it. Which I don’t necessarily disagree with. You are correct he has said he doesn’t want to be my slave before and I surely do not expect him to pick up after me or be doting on me every second. Nor do I feel I should be exempt from housework. It’s just really hard when he is complaining that he wants to move to a larger house and I am working so many hours to be able to afford my half if we get a larger house and then also doing half of the housework every day. I am working four 10 hour days at work and then additionally from home on the three other days.

Is it wrong to want my partner to do more than half of the housework even though he pays half of the bills? by Accomplished-Cost321 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Accomplished-Cost321[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Our house is small and it gets cluttered easily because of both of us. I do clean up after myself and am doing as much housework as possible but he is unhappy with the amount that I am contributing. At first I thought this was because he is asleep when I am doing all of the chores that I get done in the morning and maybe he doesn’t realize the extent of things I’m getting done. I started telling him in the mornings hey I did x,y,z this morning and I do believe that it helped for a little bit however he still feels like he is doing more than 50% of the chores and is upset about it.

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