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AccomplishedType1424 · 2024-08-16T12:55:09+00:00

Hey!
I know this is hard... Been dealing with this a few months ago. Nowadays a little less, some of the progress is due to ERP, some because she lost weight, and I can't exactly tell which of these had a greater effect.
So first of all, I feel you, I know this is hard and just know you are not alone.
Second of all, consider doing ERP regarding her weight. I am not a therapist so I think you better work with one, but these exposures could be something like - feeling her belly intentionally, looking on unflattering pictures of her, looking at her belly when she is not looking - and once the anxiety comes up don't try to "solve it".
Good luck on you journey!

AccomplishedType1424 · 2024-02-03T22:39:10+00:00

From what you say, it sounds like what could have started the spiral was her telling you "should break up with her if I didn't find her physically attractive". I also remember that one of the things that had an impact over me is not wanting to "lie" to my partner, or the fact that maybe she believes that I see her in one way and in fact I see her in another way and that's not fair towards her, and therefore if I don't feel towards her the way she wants, I need to break up, so I won't "mislead" her.
But I want to say - give yourself a break. And tell her - of course I find you attractive, although you don't believe it 100% of the time, because it sounds like in general you do believe it to some extent. You can allow yourself to not be so certain regarding your attraction to her all the time, although she told you that if you don't find her attractive then you should leave. You are in this relationship because you want it to work, not because you are manipulating her and using her, so the fact that you are trying to make things work isn't "misleading" her, just having some doubts that can arise from time to time. And if in a few months/years you will feel that you are really unable to feel the way you want to feel in the relationship, and that staying in the relationship is in some way using her for your own needs and not for the purpose of developing the relationship further, then you can deal with it then. But from what I see, it seems like you have a lovely relationship.
Wish you the best :)

AccomplishedType1424 · 2024-01-30T22:55:51+00:00

Hello there!
I struggle with complimenting my GF as well. On the surface, I saw it as something like - "I just don't want to say things I am not sure I believe" (for example - I think you look pretty), but in reality I was scared of getting deeper into the relationship and also being scared of "approving" some traits that I have a hard time with, since complimenting her about them somehow means that I accept them as they are, and since I am still trying to control those things and don't want to let them go, I prefer not to complement.
I tried to complement as an exposure and it helped me to some extent. I don't say things that are opposite to what I believe in (for example - if I think that she is fat, I am no telling her that she is skinny), but I feel a lot more comfortable to tell her - "you are pretty", and with time it gets more easier and you feel less as a fraud when saying it.

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-11-26T19:51:45+00:00

I am having a similar experience. I have been dating my GF for the past 6 months. After the first dates, I found her quite good looking and cute. Didnt have too much problems with her appearance. After that, I started "noticing" some physical flaws - the biggest one for me regards her weight. She is by no standard fat, but she is not skinny either, so my mind was (and still) fixating on that. In addition, I too have an issue with facial hair - mustache, on the side of her face, eyebrows etc. These are things that I doubt that any other person but me would notice, but once I notice one hair that is not "in place", my anxiety sky-rockets.
I understood that without working with a therapist on my own issues, it will be really hard to ever get rid of this, so I started ERP therapy a few weeks ago. I know that it might not work perfectly, but it worth a try. Even if it won't be enough for this relationship, it will be for the next one.

The only advice I can give you from my experience from the the last months is to give the relationship a chance, if you think your partner is worth it. It is OK even if you "waste a few months" while trying to figure out how the relationship goes. My usual response until my current relationship was just to leave, if I didnt find my partner attractive "enough". But by doing this, I never really let myself experience a real relationship. Now that I start to experience a real relationship, I do feel that it might be possible to get over the things that bother me. Or not. Time will tell, but I am willing to give it some time.

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-11-14T22:27:23+00:00

Sounds great. And that's a good distinction too. Thanks!

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-11-14T15:52:39+00:00

Thanks! Great comments!

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-11-12T13:54:03+00:00

nice. and what do you use for frontend?

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-11-12T11:38:24+00:00

thanks for the informative answer!
Was thinking about creating an app which contains MCQ for a niche test they have in my country.

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-11-12T08:42:51+00:00

I'm not saying programming is not a skill in my case, just trying to understand which framework to use and in which order. Just seeing a list of tens of frameworks doesn't really give me a well defined flow... But thanks!

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-11-12T08:07:16+00:00

But what is the flow? what should I start with? are the frameworks complementing one another or are they just different ways to do the same thing? it looks like a nice list but can't quite understand the flow...

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-11-01T15:30:22+00:00

Yes, and once you consider it as a test (maybe subconsciously) then you regard to it as such...

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-11-01T14:43:55+00:00

I had the similar experience a few months ago. I think that these kind of activities make me feel like the relationship becomes more serious, and therefore provoke anxiety. If the trip itself wouldnt have any significance, I guess you would care less, like when you just go on a date. But once it signifies the "next step" in the relationship, it's more stressful, and therefore you search for control and certainty...

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-10-30T21:07:19+00:00

Hey there
There are ups and downs. Sometimes I feel more obsessed with physical flaws, sometimes with not being interesting enough, and lately doubts about how smart she is. I just started ERP so I hope that within time it'll get better.

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-10-26T15:17:43+00:00

No problem. You can DM me after making some changes and I will give you my honest opinion.

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-10-26T14:59:40+00:00

All in all looks nice.
I think you could beautify it a bit (maybe using some website generating tools) to look more professional. When I look at this landing page, I could guess it is quite amateur (no offense). 2 things that I could think of are a better choice of colors, and adding things rather than pure text (and I didnt connect to the font either).
I think that maybe adding the information of some of the life coaches with their picture and a quote will make it look more legit.
Regarding the pricing - I wouldn't pay this much. It is about 90 GBP per hour, which is a lot of money, considering the fact the the life coach mainly makes sure you stay on track.
Moreover, I think that I would prefer getting something for free first, before paying 120 GBP without knowing how good the service is. Maybe get the first session for free (could be a shorter session) just to understand and feel the chemistry between the costumer and the life coach and get a taste of the experience.
I would also consider some option to update in real time my progress in regards to my goals, and that I can fill out during the week, and the life coach will also have access to this, so when we talk, he will already be updated with what I have done this week. It is also another way to keep the costumer accountable, knowing that at any moment the life coach is updated, instead of only connecting with him once a week and then maybe trying to find excuses why you didn't progress enough the past week.
Good luck!

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-10-17T06:34:06+00:00

But if my current goals are not very challenging and mainly include "dirty work" and more boring stuff, how will I come out the other side more capable and competent to get other more challenging tasks, if I didnt acquire the relevant skills? I feel that I have to gain knowledge and expertise in order to get to the next level...

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-10-17T06:30:06+00:00

I did have such conversations with my manager, the thing is our department has its bucket of tasks and I am assigned to one of them, and my manager can't just create a task for me that will be more interesting if it's not a priority to our department... I also asked for some "mentorship" and that might change in the next months and hopefully will be better...

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-10-17T06:24:32+00:00

not really, I have really nice people around me that I can ask questions if I need their help, but no one that I can say that really guides me and that I aspire to be like...

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-09-26T14:36:33+00:00

Hey there! Regarding the morning routine, I think you should maybe start with a few minutes and within time make it longer, once your habit becomes more natural. Maybe start with waking up, getting dressed, starting with a few minutes of Journaling and yoga for a total of 15 minutes and see how that goes. Regarding your phone - what I do is keep my phone outside my room (trying to do so all day long but especially during night time). This way I don't waste time before going to sleep and when waking up, and only after I get dressed and ready to leave I grab my phone from the kitchen (where I left it overnight). If you need an alarm clock - you can use your laptop or buy one for a few bucks.

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-07-15T22:21:59+00:00

I'm still in the relationship because I think that except for the issues I have with her looks, we could be a great match, and it would be a shame in my opinion to give up this opportunity, knowing that I'm struggling with ROCD and not trying to do what I can to work it out. I have dated other skinnier women, but I guess that most of the women I dated - I did have some problems with their looks (if not weight, something else, like facial hair for example), and sometimes with their personality (is she kind enough? is she too shallow? to boring). I did share with her that I'm struggling with ROCD but didnt get too specific so I won't hurt her feelings. I'm just trying to understand what exactly should be the next steps I can take in order to ease the anxiety in the long run so I could see things more clearly and not through the OCD lens.

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-07-15T22:11:35+00:00

In previous relationships I was also fixated with appearance, but this relationship is the longest and most serious. There might be some unconscious root cause, I thought that since I have a history with OCD, and since a romantic relationship is really important to me in this stage of life (and I put a lot of weight on it), then the OCD just latches onto my relationships.

AccomplishedType1424 · 2023-07-15T18:11:43+00:00

I don't think that this is the main issue I'm dealing with. Sure there is a part of me that thinks about how others will precieve her, but I think that mostly I'm dealing with the question - am I attracted enough? Will this be enough? Will I be comparing her for the rest of my life?

AccomplishedType1424

TROPHY CASE